Need to Vent

[kyla101]

So, I'm new on here and I don't really know how this works yet, but i just kinda have to get whatever I'm feeling out there, yah know?

I've never been officially diagnosed with PTSD. However I've been struggling with severe bi-polar disorder for my entire life. I've experienced severe hallucinations and breaks with reality. It was very traumatic for me and I don't remember most of it or what was happening around me the few years it got really bad. I often get panic attacks when faced with something that reminds me of what I do remember. I don't really wake up screaming anymore, but I sometimes wake up crying. I'm angry all the time, but feel as though my other emotions are distant or not real. I can't handle jump scares, loud noises, or crowds without being sent into a panic. I avoid being touched by strangers, and it upsets me to an extreme level, where it didn't bother me at all before. Simple things like going out to get groceries give me anxiety. I guess my main thing and the reason I made this post is that I don't really think that my friends and family know where I'm coming from. I feel like whenever I bring anything up they just don't understand at all. Often I feel invalidated or guilty when discussing it with loved ones, like what i experienced wasn't enough to garner sympathy or that some people have had it worse or something. I just wish I could have them just understand me. It's frustrating to say in the least. Advice?

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Can empathise with a lot of the way you say you are feeling. So sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.

Getting people on side can be a tricky task... good friends and family required to hang in there and be patient .... I think mostly they will be feeling alarmed too at how you are feeling and will want to just be able to provide calm for you, if anything. Just be clear about what and where and when you need or are feeling.

I only know that depression, panic and anxiety and PTSD are so 'out there' that really, unless you have experienced it yourself, it can be quite hard to understand. There is also in some parts of the world, quite a bit of stigma attached to mental illness, which makes it hard to be taken seriously like other illnesses. But getting over the guilt will come, don't worry... as you embrace your healing and recovery...

Just focus on this process of, almost, grieving that you need to go through...

the anger, the crying, the nightmares, the fear, those are all symptoms of you coping and your healing.... as the body and mind deals with its 'trauma' of whatever level or size you have experienced.

I would say that the disconnecting from reality is one of the scariest things to go through; so perhaps see how you can combat and get coping strategies for this part of the illness.

Best wishes to you.