New to the site -

[1Seattle]

Hi All,

I'm new to this site and have been tentative to write a post. I feel like recovering from PTSD is such an up and down process. It feels so good to have break throughs but then that passes and the next trigger happens. I find myself literally hiding at work because I'm lost in some past feeling. My thinking turns off and I can't reason or even remember what I've just read. It's quite scary. I don't seem to be able to think my way out of this. I can just hope to come home, relax, and hope it passes. Any tools people use? Most of my unhealthy habits are gone - I quit smoking, I've been in AA for 14 years, recovered from an eating disorder in 2004. Now it's just the PTSD and me. What to do, what to do. I'm thinking of going to a treatment center if that could help.

[Hidden]

Hi 1Seattle! Welcome!

Yes, up and down process sure gets it. I know that feeling of reading something, and then not being able to remember what you read. Great for you on stopping smoking - that was my toughest one to break. Stick around - there are plenty of resources and support on this forum! Do check out the videos that someone just posted - a lot of great information.

Dan

[SteveB2014]

Hi Seattle1 .....welcome from me too. I relate to what you have written and want to send you heaps of encouragement via cyberspace. I have just had a debilitating relapse which has been frustrating and distressing. Each time this happens I am seeking to change my perspective to honour and listen to the wisdom of my body. For years I think I viewed my body as an enemy...and that fed my dissociation.

One tool that has really helped me when I use it as a disciplined practice is HeartMath Inner Balance

Here's a link

heartmath.com/innerbalance/

See what you think. Best wishes

[Hidden]

I have recently (about 6 months ago) sat down and written out my triggers, every single one that I could think of. That list scared the crap out of me! It seemed so long and daunting. So, I took 3 X 5 cards and wrote one trigger at the top of each. Below that, I wrote why I believed they are triggers. On the back, I have been writing what I have tried to do about them. A few issues needed more than one card. Some cards are filled and completed now (!!!) and they are far less (and in a couple of cases are no longer triggers) of an issue for me. A few are very blank and stare back at me.

I don't have to face these things away from home because I can no longer work (physically disabled) and I really do feel for you. Have you seen a therapist that specializes in PTSD? A few sessions in Mindfullness and a few practical suggestions may help you.

I hope that you are REALLY proud of what you HAVE overcome to this point! I still smoke like a train and have food addiction, so I am really WOWED by your progress! GO YOU!

[Stuck1 Pioneer]

Welcome 1Seattle! You are indeed a mighty achiever already!! Quitting smoking, overcoming addiction AND an eating disorder... well, I reckon you would be one of the strongest people I have ever met. I am glad you have found this site.

There are all sorts of links and supportive people all heading in the same direction towards PTSD recovery and sharing their experiences.Importantly,you are not alone on your quest!!

Heartiest congratulations on all you have already achieved!! Take time to acknowledge how strong you have become, and how far you have already come. Fabulous work right there.

xx

[1Seattle in reply to Stuck1]

Thank you for the encouragement. I think admiring progress for people who have suffered trauma is very important. It's paying attention to ourselves in a way we're really looking for. I feel like I'm really taken care of right now even though it's the hardest thing I've really ever done - outside living through the original trauma that lasted about 15 years. My memory is the most disconcerting party but when I try to remember, it's really hard too. Has anyone worked on memory retrieval and if so do you have any experience you can share? I'm definitely taking this one slow - not pushing it too quickly so I can stay functional. Thanks for everyone's participation.

[Stuck1 Pioneer in reply to 1Seattle]

Memory work is seriously tricky and downright fraught... My short term memory is simply awful. My long term memory is now too acute, (after prolonged exposure therapy.) I worry about dementia, as I am currently so disabled. I have been multiply reassured this is just a protective mechanism still in place. ( My trauma is still current rather than exclusively Post)

So rather than dig for trauma, it WILL bubble to the surface BUT IDEALLY ONLY WHEN you are ready to deal with it. Digging is for potatoes only!!! Honour your innate wisdom which is currently blocking. Your mind is still blocking protectively, because it perceives you are not yet ready. Digging prematurely may make you VERY VERY unwell if you are not adequately prepared.

Vitally,you need to know you have a strong professional and friend support team insitu , have mastered self soothing techniques such as controlled breathing techniques, meditation, a sleep plan, and have a robust emergency plan in place as agreed with your mental health professionals. Memory retrieval is not an easy thing. It is literally opening Pandora's box.. and DEFINITELY needs to be done only with trusted professional help!!!!

I am just one person. You need to seek as much advice as possible.

Then follow your innate voice of wisdom. Putting it off until you have proactively prepared yourself will give you the tools to successfully manage towards your healing intention.

This post is sent with every respect and much much love. (It was never meant as a lecture!!!) xxxx