I didn't write here for a very long time.
I just got a very triggering call from my mom saying she feels that for the last few month I've been cutting her off of my life. i've been working very hard to set firm boundaries from my parents and take care of myself because I still get hurt from being in contact with them.
My mom said she understands she made mistakes in the past when she was a young mom but she doesn't know what she did wrong because I refuse to talk to her about it. she said that I'm making her emotionally sick and she's not going to try to renew our relationship anymore. she said I should look in the mirror and think about the people i hurt when i say things. she also said that the whole situation of the distance that she feel from me is because of a phase i'm going through .
On the one hand she blames me for her devastating feelings and on the other hand she says that she's waiting for me with open arms.
I never felt so guilty . She talked for 15 minutes and I couldn't say anything. Instead i got numb and tired. I didn't think ahead that putting boundaries will have such a heavy cost.
On top of all that my therapist is on vacation abroad for a month and a half and will come back only in three weeks.
i'm at work now so i cant afford to fall apart. I really want to sleep - I'm so tired...