Hi everyone
New here but I just wanted to share my experience of treatment with EMDR for anyone considering it or potentially struggling with it.
I have been having EMDR since October and I won't lie, it is draining and it takes a lot of work. But I really have started to see a difference in myself. However when I started I found myself feeling in dark places so I wanted to share a bit about it to try and help others.
1. Take your time setting up your safe space.
The safe space doesn't work if you can't get a super clear image in your head so really pick something you can really immerse yourself in. I found that having a candle scented similar to the environment I chose helped to put me there.
2. You don't have to do the eye movements.
Speak with your professional but, I was unable to do the eye stuff due to headache problems and now that covid is a thing, my sessions are all via zoom. You can either ask about being tapped on alternate knees or self tapping which is what I do. I found this easier when I got to the rough stuff because I was then in control of the speed and strength of it.
3. Keep a notebook exclusively for trauma.
I did this because I became so overwhelmed in finding a starting point I literally had to write out my traumas in a list and pick them apart somewhat so they were more organised. Yknow when you go in the sock drawer and the socks are like all over the shot, we'll this is like the trauma tidying of a sock drawer. I keep the journal hidden so it only is part of my day if I need to make a note about something. I dated and documented nightmares, flashbacks and thought processes. This seemed to help my therapist know what direction I needed to go, but also helped me to process what I was feeling. Dating the journal was helpful to flick back and go "hey that think from January doesn't bug me so much now" and honestly that kind of gratification to see how far you have come can be really helpful. I've decided when I finish my therapy I want to keep the journal for a year and then go back and reflect on how far I've come.
4. Set up a safety net.
Unfortunately, during some of my trauma I experienced a marked reaction in the form of a huge panic attack and suicidal feelings. I was able to keep myself safe because I had previously made a safety net plan by chance. Your safety net can be a flowchart or whatever, make a plan for things you can do to try and calm down yourself, people you can contact and then finally how to handle a crisis. For me this was calling my therapist and staying on the phone with her until paramedics could take me to hospital where I could have medication etc. My gp said the ambulance had to be the course of action as I was home alone, otherwise they would have arranged an emergency appointment for a family member to bring me up and get me seen etc. It may be worth checking with your gp surgery to find out what their protocol is in an emergency. Also, be aware that going to hospital is not a blip. I went there because I had to. And by going there I avoided any form of harm to myself. It also showed me I was clearly hitting a nerve with what I was doing in EMDR and this helped my therapist to guide me further and she ended up giving me sessions twice a week so the trauma went hard and fast rather than slowly boil over.
5. Anxiety Apps and Services
I know, I cringed when someone first told me an app would help me, but in desperation one night I text the UK service SHOUT and they were honestly excellent. I chose it because I could text rather than call and I felt really well supported. They are able to text you links for breathing exercises and all sorts and they recommended an app to me called Clear Fear. Now this is primarily for anxiety based issues, but it has the feature about safety nets as I previously explained, there's also an immediate help section with various exercises and a panic attack support audio that I've used several times and it does help at least take the edge off. There's a little something for everyone.
6. You're in Control
Never be afraid to say if you need a breather during the sessions, after all, you are literally reprocessing things all over again and that is exhausting. So if you get overwhelmed you can just ask to have a minute and take a second to breathe or sip some water.
7. Just keep at it.
At first it feels a bit like... Okay how is this even going to work, and then you get to the end of a trauma and for me I just saw like a blank white sheet and no more images processed after that and that's when I knew I was at the end of that issue. I still wasn't sure about it after. But now I realise that a few weeks after completing a trauma I stopped having the same negative connotations towards it. Things would still be sad, but they would not be distressing. After all some things are always going to be sad. Sad is totally fine, it just needs to not be a sad that causes you distress and panic etc.
Additionally, some traumas take multiple sessions. I have been stuck in one for weeks because it such a deep rooted and long running issue which is why the journal has been so useful to break it into parts. This one has come with alot of tears and alot of difficulties, BUT that said, for the first time in 11 years I have finally started to recognise what happened, and I've been more able to talk about it. So although I'm not "over it" yet, I've actually been able to speak for once and I've been able to share a little bit with my close friends about it. During this time, the whole Everyone's Invited campaign came to light and it really really struck a chord with me. I realised that before EMDR I would have refused to hear anything of it and would have wanted to ignore it, but now I was able to share. I posted my story as it was anonymous and finally felt like maybe I was taking back a tiny bit of control. When I told my therapist I did this, she was so proud of me and amazed at my progress and then I of course got emotional didn't I? I'm still hurting over what happened to me, but being able to make these baby steps for the first time in so many years is clearly a sign this EMDR thing was worth pushing through. I don't claim it will help anyone overnight and I don't claim it will be easy or painless but if you are offered it, I really recommend having a go.
At the time I didn't have support from my friends because they couldn't understand and I know everyone with mental health deals with so much stigma so, here's something my therapist said that has become like a mantra to me:
"I have an illness that isn't my fault. If you don't understand that, then it's not my job to make you understand that"
Finally I leave you with a quote from the movie Christopher Robin that has helped me.
"I always get to where I need to be, by walking away from where I have been" - winnie the pooh
(yknow for a wee bear he certainly is a smart lil sausage!)
-p.s I'm sorry this is such a huge post, I just really hope that by sharing some of my own experience that maybe I can help someone else a little bit!
Daily users of benzos willing to share?
Naming Emotions/Triggers
need to start dealing and healing 
