My wife doesn't understand.

[Wounded-cop-1194]

How do I explain to my wife what I am going through? I have put her through a lot and love her very much. But I am frustrated. I used to drink (a lot) to cope with my PTSD. I have been to rehab twice and both times vowed to never drink again. Well lately I have been having trouble sleeping again and bought a bottle. I took a long pull from it the threw away the rest. I don't know why I did it but I did. I told her about it and she unloaded on me how all I want to do is watch TV and that I am not engaged wth the family. I hate large crowds and it jumps my anxiety through the roof. I tell her this but I forge ahead to try and be a part of the family. Meds don't help only make me lethargic and then I really don't want to do anything. I don't know what to do to make her happy.

[MicheleR Founder]

What you're expressing is so common in PTSD relationships -- this illness does take it's toll and I'm sorry it's putting such a strain on your marriage. I'm impressed that you through away the bottle and maintained honesty with your confession. Those are both actions that will help you stay on the right track.

Recently I wrote about PTSD and relationships and some ideas for how couples can stay connected. It's not always about making the other person "happy" per say as it is about maintaining that connection. You might find the article useful:

anxiety.org/ptsd-relationsh...

It sounds like your wife values you and places an emphasis on creating real family time. One thing you might think about to help her feel better is to find a way to create a meaningful family experience. This can be as simple as dinner together with no tv in the background, or a family game night, or simply a family walk around the block. Obviously, you know your family better than I do, but you get the gist.

It's hard to engage when we're struggling with PTSD, but I found that I could muster the energy and focus to do that for short amounts of time. Maybe 30 minutes or an hour, for example. Think small but meaningful.

[Hidden]

I've found it to be really tough, Wounded-cop, to try to explain my world to someone who hasn't been there. I can completely understand your frustration.

Sorry you slipped on the alcohol, but good for you that you chucked the bottle. I've done it many times, where I "don't know why I did it but I did." I would encourage you to not beat yourself up for it - that only makes it worse, and likens the potential for slipping again.

I have to take family gatherings in small time slots, because of the anxiety you mention. It's a tough road, that's for sure, and people tend to think I'm anti-social when I am just overwhelmed. I do like Michele's direction of short amounts of time. I have to go to a family wedding this weekend, and plan to allow myself to duck out frequently if needed to go decompress.

[Hidden]

PTSD is a bitch. No one can really understand but people who has been through it. I hope you hang around here for a while. I think you will hear that what you are going through is not very uncommon. I think you will also find a few answers here as well. If you are open to it. My X did not understand either. She only heard what she thought were just excuses. It is incredibly frustrating because I could not wish it way or just get over it like she wanted me to do. I knew I wanted to get over it with every cell in my body but I just could not until it was time. No matter how much I tried it seemed to make it even worst. So I had to try to relax and try to understand that I was not alone in this thing and start chipping away at what was making things worse and adding things that made things better. Slowly it helped me. My relationship did not survive but I could get better each day. I feel for you. Keep plodding along and hopefully if you really want it to get better, it will.