Fed right up!!!!

I have been checking in but not commenting but am at such a low ebb I feel the need to ask for your support. My partner said to me yesterday that he does not believe there=is such a thing a FMS and CFS etc and that if I do not lose weight he wants me to move out as I am wasting his life. I have very little self-esteem, if any at all I hate myself the way I look and the say I feel and I eat as I am depressed which does not help me and makes me more depressed. I am obese (it really hurts to write that) and I know that losing weight will make a difference to my joints but I am totally messed up mentally. I work full-time and find that very difficult and have to put all my efforts into getting up, dressed and through each day. I am at breaking point, am exhausted both mentally and physically and feel trapped.

21 Replies

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  • I am re posting this as it disappeared so apologies if 2 appear instead of one!

    Go to your GP as soon as possible and request some counselling (preferably CBT) this will hopefully give you the strength and confidence to make a new life away from your ignorant partner!

    Sending you strength and Hope for a wonderful future XX

  • Thank you for re posting Amanda. I am borrowing your strength for a while but will be more than happy to return it with some of my own once I have replenished my oh so low stock. Once again thank you xxx

  • Yes get yourself down to your GP and ask for councelling ... Anti despressnts if you haven't already got some ... And get your partner to wise up ... Get him on here or as Amanda says if its at all possible move on from him... There are plenty of men out there who are more than happy to have a partner with fibro.... You don't need anyone or anything adding to your lack of self esteem of depression .... As stress just makes fibro worse.....

    it sounds as if he has put you in a very difficult position ... But you work full time and that's a great achievement for someone with fibro so hold your head up high and feel proud that you accomplish that.

    VG x

  • Thank you for replying to me VG. In my mind I am making plans for my future and it will be happy, positive and productive xxx

  • Very gentle hugs for you. Nothing like kicking someone when they are already down. Would it help if your GP had a word with your partner and tell him how real FMS and CFS are? I agree totally with VG and Amanda

    Hugs

  • Hi Jillylin, unfortunately I am used to being kicked when I am down but eventually onwards and upwards. Xxx

  • Hi

    Well why not put the shoe on the other foot and tell him to get out as he is obviously an ignorant head up his etc. person.

    I am really angry that any person can make such sweeping statements without carrying out any research as he obviously hasn't done any and has not taken any notice of you.

    Tell him that he needs to move as he is interfering with your life, not getting any support etc and to take it to court and see who comes off worse.

    Just had a thought has he started working for ATOS without telling you, could explain a lot!

    There are serious and humorous things in this and I think you do need to stand up to him though.

    Take care and kindest regards

    Terry

  • I am amazed you are still working full time feeling as you do. I agree - GP and counselling but also have you a good friend/family you could off load to and then calmly explain to your partner how he is making your life more difficult. I agree, if he doesn't become more positive to your condition, tell him to go. I know lots of women who have caring partners so don't despair. How about keeping a food diary then cut out the high carbs and sugar and fats, getting a friend to possibly join a healthy eating group. Also is there a local support group in your area, try Fibromyalgia UK site - also excellent.You comfort eat I expect, I know I do! You are not a failure if you get gp to give you some sick leave and could you try a part time job, I know finances are a pain but health is important and so is your quality of life. Gentle hugs.

  • Lizzywizz, I am going to start a food diary tomorrow and am going to take the big step and get onto the scales in the morning.

    , so I can at least know my starting point ( very stressed about that but it's a good step for ME to take) I'm going to lose some of the weight for means my health and to take some control over my life. I'm not doing this for anyone else.

  • If you want to track your food easily, you can always try 'My Fitness Pal' - it's free, on the internet (and has a mobile site and an app), and you mostly have to just put in the brand and quantity of what you're eating, and it's already in the system for you to add. If it's not, you can add your own, and you can add exercise to the diary too. I'm still obese, but I've lost over 2.5 stone since mid-January with this, and am aiming to keep going until I'm in the 'healthy BMI' category! Only another 2.5 stone to go!

    Seriously, make it a lifestyle change, not a diet, and you'll feel more confident about sticking to it. And ignore the fella - kick him out, or pack up and leave him. Anyone who a) tells you your weight is unacceptable, and b) belittles your medical condition is not worth the skin he's wrapped in. I have esteem issues myself, which my lovely boyfriend is helping me with, so I know it's hard to believe that you deserve better, but you really do. When you start to believe it, it'll happen, and you'll wonder how you ever got stuck with this low-life in the first place.

    Good luck, and have faith in yourself xx

  • Sendings gentle hugs to you Mannie, he is not worth a light to say things like that to you, he must go not you, you take care now, this is a good site to have a rant moan nd a laugh, ...Dee xx

  • Hi Cookie72, all I have done is moan on the couple of occasions I have been here, I can't say that I won't moan again cause I know I will but I want to be part of the caring community and give something to others and not just take. Thank you for the gentle hugs xxx

  • My instinct was to say something not very nice but we shouldn't be mean about the uneducated!

    Get yourself to your GP and ask for cbt, anti-d's etc. I used to refuse anything like that, now I take anything they can give me. If it helps to survive and then start living there's nothing wrong with it.

    Your partner doesn't sound very encouraging or helpful. Only you can make a decision on him which you can make reasonably when you feel a bit stronger about life. The thought of being on your own can be scary but it isn't all bad.

    You should be proud of yourself, you're still working - full time - I wish I could do that. (I found I was putting so much effort into work that I couldn't care for my kids, or me. I'm slowly getting used to not working but my life is so much better.)

    Stay strong, you can do it.

    x

  • Oh yes am I getting it right?

    Ultimatum lose weight and then how will you measure up for him?

    He will probably find fault with something else about you.

    Why is he with you in the first place?

    He doesn't sound like a particularly nice man.

    I would like to say boot him out but it is not that easy is it?

    But this forum are all in agreement that you see your GP and consider

    CBT.

    Once you start to feel some sort of respect for yourself, who knows things might

    Start happen in your life.

    You may decide to embark upon self improvement.

    Then if by magic you will start notice that he isn't without fault.

    Oh yes it will become glaringly obvious that he falls short in several departments!!

    By for now get your butt down to your doctors and begin to feel better.

    Bibi xx

  • Bibileatherdale,

    I know that I will never met "mr perfects" goal. Reading all your comments has given me some strength to actually give a s**t about myself and maybe even believe I'm not a bad person. I can't see my doctor till the end of the mont, that's when I have an appointment to see her. When I can I see a psychologist and that really help but working full time makes it difficult to get the time off to see her. I have news about my employment etc but will Blog on that when everything is finalised.

  • Want to send you huge positive hugs to send you on your way. I think your amazing that you work full time with this condition,don't let this idiot put you down,he doesn't know everything so just because he said that doesn't make it right. You can tell him that there is now proof fibro does exist through a special MRI scan. A lot of us have trouble with our weight your not the only one Hun,I comfort eat too. Fibro power and girl power to you! Xxxxxxx

  • Teddysmum43,

    Thank you for your huge positive hugs they mean the world to me. I comfort eat, a lot and hate myself for it. I am not going to try and convince him of my condition. I have been on a 3 week pain programme and he came, under duress, when family and friends were allowed to attend so if even seeing experts in the field of pain and fibro etc could not convince him nothing I say will. I have to concentrate on getting me to the best place I can be both mentally and physically and that does not give me any time for hangers on and people who are going to hold me back!!

    Get me!!! I think the fibro girl power is kicking in :-) xxx

  • Get your thyroid checked out as well....this can some times be related to fybro....and as for 'the partner'...don't waste your life on some one that dos't love you for what you are ...he's the one with the problem...take care ....

  • Hi rosaann52,

    my thyroid has been checked, it isn't quite right but the do not want to put me on anymore medication at present. All of your comments have helped me see what was lurking at the back of my mind and that is he is not a very nice person really.

  • Manny I feel your pain. I was in the same position last year, my husband told me that he didn't believe in FBM and that I just needed to sort myself out, he was seeing someone else and did not want to be with me any more.

    I also work full time and I suffer from horrible depression sometimes.

    At the time he said these things I was seriously depressed, was in huge amounts of pain and like you, my self esteem was at an all time low. I was also advised to kick him out, but I didn't. What I did do was start looking at myself, I began to think about my life and my unhappiness and took small steps to resolve these things. I saw my GP, went on anti depressants, went back to work (i was off sick for a while) on a temporarily reduced hours basis, got referred to the pain clinic and began seeing a psychologist. I decided to take walks whenever I felt well enough and started to think about my own food situation instead of thinking about what we would all eat (Ihave a teenager too), mostly leaving hubby and son to their own devices. It was small steps and all of them took effort and time. but I slowly began to re-engage with myself. life was still difficult, I lost my dad and my job was on the line...also my hubby and I are probably still going to separate in the next few months, but now I feel stronger and less stressed about being alone again. I mostly like myself again

    My point is, you are important. Take some deep breaths and see what's missing for you as a person. Ask you partner to back off for a while whilst you concentrate on what you need to do for you. Other people can be very cruel, but you can be kind to yourself.

    Hope my experience helps, sending hugs xxxxx

  • Hi fbwoman,

    I am not in a position either mentally, physically or financially to leave at the moment but it is at the back of my mind that I always have that option.i am currently on antidepressant but do not feel the does is enough, I will discuss this again with my dr when I see her, her concern is the other medication that I am on, which by the by do not seem to be reducing my pain either.i am so sorry for everything that you have been through and are going through now.

    I do take great comfort in your words and the fact that you are feeling stronger now and that you managed to get through the terrible time you must have had when you lost your dad.

    For the last 3 evenings I have been for a walk with my sister after work and that is my time to breath and get support from her. I have never felt comfortable thinking about me as I do not feel I am worth spending anytime or effort but I will learn in time to like myself and get some self worth.

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