Ive bean trying to find a seport group in my arear , im desperate for proper cinversation .
Just the norn day to day chit chat .
Ive had no luck, apparently were i live ther isn't one
Im finding it so hard to keep positive , an think of things to luck forword to an count my blessings . ( i may scream !) my husband is still out of work our Mortgage is going to get Paid as the insurence ran out last time . So i carnt evan aford my beloved Baking ingredience .
I love to baking for the family an my elderly naighbers but it is no more . Im not evan shour im going to be able to go swimming when my backs up to it cus of the cost .
My friend said over the phone i might ad as the friends that havent completely Deserted me carn't seam to bring themselves to see me like this, well thats what i tell myself as no one as bean near since the i was told . Dont get me wrong i got an abundance of Birthday cards & Presents , Get well soon card's presents all deliverd by husbands of them or delivery men .
Sound ungrateful don't I ? Id of rather seen them .
O an my second group of friends the one's i went dancing an holidaying , lunches an girly nights with sent me a pick of them all out enjoying my Birthday night without me , bit insensitive a ?
Well anyway she said ! You have got to look on the goid side , your having a grandaoughter in May . Yell my answer to that was yes thats lovely , but i carnt be ther when shes born cus my body wont stand it , i carn't run around hellping get the house ready for her , or by her nice things , or walk the room rocking her when she teeths or got colic, i carn't lay on the floor an play with her & she won't run to me to b picked up an swung around an around . Like i did with my grandson . So what am i . My granson is starting to come less to me for the fun stuf cus Nannys puly.
An to top it all ive got to sell my lovely Touring caravan , its kept me going through every thing , an thers bin a lot its saved my mind my marriage my Soul an kept me going , just to get away in the fresh air an back to the simple stuff . But it has to go as the benefits office are dragging there feet withe all the Appeals an my hubby still having no joy getting work . The mortgage an debts are mounting up . My health is just the last straw as i haven't got the energy to rally the troupes this time.
I sit hear in my recliner in pain with the sun shining outside looking at my ones lovely cared for Garden & the pile of ironing glaring back at me an think I'm not the kind of person to sit still this long evan in pain I fought Cancer an not being abel to Walk lousing 3 jobs i loved , an the Death's of my family one after another & all the other stuff life throws at us all . Why can't I fight this ?? Ive had the Antidepressants the phone calls to mind & to b honest it just makes me feel more needy an useless . I think if my Gp was more understanding an my family an Supportive then i could cope better . I can't b stuck in this house 24/7 i will go mad !
I don't mind if know one reads this or replies as i I'm just thankful to get it out , I've tried Writing it down but then i keep looking at it an feeling foolish theirs something about pressing send an sending it away that makes it feel better so i thank this sight for that .
Your all such lovely positive people evan though your all so ill., you remind me of how i was fight the good fight keep your chin up it could b worse . I hope non or u run out if steam ever .