Sorry I've got to get it out !

[Kugagirl1]

Ive bean trying to find a seport group in my arear , im desperate for proper cinversation .

Just the norn day to day chit chat .

Ive had no luck, apparently were i live ther isn't one

Im finding it so hard to keep positive , an think of things to luck forword to an count my blessings . ( i may scream !) my husband is still out of work our Mortgage is going to get Paid as the insurence ran out last time . So i carnt evan aford my beloved Baking ingredience .

I love to baking for the family an my elderly naighbers but it is no more . Im not evan shour im going to be able to go swimming when my backs up to it cus of the cost .

My friend said over the phone i might ad as the friends that havent completely Deserted me carn't seam to bring themselves to see me like this, well thats what i tell myself as no one as bean near since the i was told . Dont get me wrong i got an abundance of Birthday cards & Presents , Get well soon card's presents all deliverd by husbands of them or delivery men .

Sound ungrateful don't I ? Id of rather seen them .

O an my second group of friends the one's i went dancing an holidaying , lunches an girly nights with sent me a pick of them all out enjoying my Birthday night without me , bit insensitive a ?

Well anyway she said ! You have got to look on the goid side , your having a grandaoughter in May . Yell my answer to that was yes thats lovely , but i carnt be ther when shes born cus my body wont stand it , i carn't run around hellping get the house ready for her , or by her nice things , or walk the room rocking her when she teeths or got colic, i carn't lay on the floor an play with her & she won't run to me to b picked up an swung around an around . Like i did with my grandson . So what am i . My granson is starting to come less to me for the fun stuf cus Nannys puly.

An to top it all ive got to sell my lovely Touring caravan , its kept me going through every thing , an thers bin a lot its saved my mind my marriage my Soul an kept me going , just to get away in the fresh air an back to the simple stuff . But it has to go as the benefits office are dragging there feet withe all the Appeals an my hubby still having no joy getting work . The mortgage an debts are mounting up . My health is just the last straw as i haven't got the energy to rally the troupes this time.

I sit hear in my recliner in pain with the sun shining outside looking at my ones lovely cared for Garden & the pile of ironing glaring back at me an think I'm not the kind of person to sit still this long evan in pain I fought Cancer an not being abel to Walk lousing 3 jobs i loved , an the Death's of my family one after another & all the other stuff life throws at us all . Why can't I fight this ?? Ive had the Antidepressants the phone calls to mind & to b honest it just makes me feel more needy an useless . I think if my Gp was more understanding an my family an Supportive then i could cope better . I can't b stuck in this house 24/7 i will go mad !

I don't mind if know one reads this or replies as i I'm just thankful to get it out , I've tried Writing it down but then i keep looking at it an feeling foolish theirs something about pressing send an sending it away that makes it feel better so i thank this sight for that .

Your all such lovely positive people evan though your all so ill., you remind me of how i was fight the good fight keep your chin up it could b worse . I hope non or u run out if steam ever .

Kugagirl x

[linlit]

i felt like u regarding grandchildren and no they dont run to me to be picked up and swung around and i couldnt get on the floor to teach my grandaughter to crawl like i did her big brother. but im the one they run too when they hurt themselves for kisses and cuddles the one who has the time to read them stories the one who lap there heads rest on when there poorly.

things changed ehen i became ill it took timei felt like u i was going to miss out on my grandchilden .ive had 3 new ones sinse i became ill thought i would miss out on early cuddles i couldnt walk around holding baby but could still sit in suitable chair without fear of dropping them what u loose in some ways u gain in others so look forward to the new baby and good luck with evry thing else

[fairytails]

i feel so sad this has happened and i keep fingers crossed bigtime for you that theyl be a light at the end of the tunnel for you too x even if your hubby gets a job ( toes and fingers crossed! keep with it sweetie its just a bad patch and it has to end at some point if uve fought cancer this must be a walk iin the park! yourl muster the energy to fight this too! your not alone and people will read this im sure and yourl get plenty of answers x have a lovely time in the sun xxx

[motzie]

Hi Kugagirl... i hope you feel better soon, i can understand how you are feeling, it was like me writting some of the things you said. It is good to have a rant knowing that the fibro family will be there to support each other.

Like many fibromites we soon find out who are there for you, sending gentle hugs, take care ...Mary xx.

[Kugagirl1 in reply to motzie]

Thank you. That means so much , an yes i think like so many of u have said we live an learn . Hugs back Rachel x

[Hidden]

Please never be afraid to let it all out on here , everyone here knows how you feel and at some point has been through some of the things you are going through, Personlly I can relate to losing friends I have one good friend who has stuck with through everything, my OH lost his job and had to find anything, we sold our house which was near to GPS shops etc and had to move out of town to a bungalow... And my nearest support group is 43 miles away and neither I or my OH drive.... On the positive side I am always here for my family, as I am stuck in the house 24/7 for the majority of the time, and I have time to be on here. You sound as if you have a lovely family and as the other posters has said yes the physical side of raising your grandparents is almost impossible but there are still the hugs the cuddles and the stories and watching TV together.

Please don't give up no matter how much things change you will get through it and no one on here will judge you if you post one rant or 100 we are here to listen, make you feel you are not alone and hopefully help just a little

VG x

[Kugagirl1 in reply to Hidden]

Your like a shining star in the dark giving me hope

Thank you xxx

[ladymoth]

You have more than enough problems, Kuga - wish I could wave a magic wand for you, but like VG says, we are always here to listen.

The worse thing at the moment seems to be the financial issue, but that will pass if you can ride it out. When that's sorted you might start to feel better.

Sending you good wishes and prayers

Moffy x

[hamble99b]

I felt like that when my nieces were born, but I did hold them, I got lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles - gentle ones. they'd snuggle up for stories.

I had times when I could manage a little more, but they like doing things for me, enjoy my silliness,- including silly voices in stories and the things I can do.

they love me for me and not for what I cannot do

I know we do try to offer positive support, but many of us speak from our experiences of the highs & lows.

Yes it is painful and we are restricted in so many ways at times.

I cry and feel despair and need to let it all out just as you did and I'm proud of you for presenting it so well here - I can't fully do that yet.

sending you a gentle hug (( ))

sandra

[hamble99b in reply to hamble99b]

can or cannot do

[Hidden]

Hi acfewcweeks ago i sat likevthe months feel tramadol and a glass of water things had drowned me but between here and Facebook my fibromates would not give up on me the kept messaging until they felt i had turned the corner nothing has changed i still have not received any benefits since6 Jan my rent and tax and bills remain unpaid but I have changed just knowing i am not alone has helped i have never met any of these friends but I lean on them in bad times we are a select family reaching over UK and other countries. A problem shared is a problem put back into perspective

Please feel free to link with me on Facebook my fibrimates name is faded blossom if and my picture is a big red rose picture i post humour mainly and if only to have a laugh there it might be worth it never forget you are Not alone DONT LET THE SYSTEM THE PAIN THE DEPRESSION OR ANY THING ELSE win DON'T give up if you do they win petal

[Kugagirl1]

This is for all you heroes that helped me through my day of self pitty ,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart , being abul to of lode & then see how negative im being about all this made me get of my but an bath the dog an bake a cake .

Not a lot i know but being as im still in lot of pain from last week i think thats better than siting feeling sory for myself .

Sandra : i think your brave to put what u put & just Acknowledging that some days are rubish yet others are good an still help others on here makes you very brave indeed.

Fadded Blossom : thanks for the ofer im not shore how that works the fibromates fb ill look in to it As my privet fb is locked down so tight i carn't find myself 1/2 the time i will try though just not shore how to link from my phone . Thanks again xx

But for now i leave you with this to all you super heroes that hellp others despite your own problems i thank you so much x

[hamble99b in reply to Kugagirl1]

thank you hun.

it's not self pity, it's sharing how things are,

but it's ok to sometimes say "why me", be frustrated and be afraid. thank heavens for this site and its people.

sandra

[circuitrunner]

My son asked me if I would have my 15yr old grandaughter and her friend to come and stay with me last summer. My response was NO - It hurt me so much that I had to say No and also that he could ever think I was well enough to say YES. I do love all me grandchildren just wish like many I were able to cope and say YES.