Well the last two days seem to have been too much for Moffy after entertaining 6 firemen ALL night with her pole dancing , exotic gold plated knickers and copious amounts of chocolate, she has gone in a decline.... She is swooning on her chaise lounge declaring herself unfit for insane antics.. I sent a GP round to see her ... He was shocked by her appearance .........apparently she was fully dressed and her poles had been shortened and turned into a decorative ash tray and the other into a lamp.. No sign of any sparkly knickers, Sandra has send one of her feathered pets to sneakily keep an eye on her, but how can we get moffy back into abnormal service,
Yours seriously worried
VG
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Extremelygrumpy
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Psst, VG! Ssshhh, over here. No, not there, down here on the floor. I'm pretending to be a tiger. I think this might be just another of Moffy's disguises. You know, like the sweet little old lady act! I'm keeping her under surveillance. I just hope she doesn't realise!
Oh what a WONDERFUL disguise how long did I take to paint yourself all over? Just remember if the GP stands on you don't shout out... Or if you have to use ventriloquism and shout pretty polly and Moffy will think its the large white budgie in the hallway .
Hope it didn't hurt when Kaz ripped out your feathers
Body painting is one of my hidden talents. Usually well-hidden, especially at this time of year, under layers of thermals, and warm woollies. However, it seems there is a current trend in the forum for de-robing, and I didn't want to feel left out!
Thanks for the tip on ventriloquism. How does this sound " gritty golly, gritty golly"?
Oh my not only a body painter but you sound just like a budgie with a mouthful of seed.... Perfect.... Now just make sure the GP cures her or if it is all an act then report back here as soon as you get out from under the GP......no that doesn't sound quite right but I know what mean
Oh dearie me - It's all the fault of those firemen! They kept buying me double G&Ts and now I have an awful hangover. I have decided to go straight from now on, and wear proper clothes and no gold knickers.
I got so drunk I started to have hallucinations. The tiger-skin rug that I have on the floor seemed to be BREATHING - honestly - and I could swear it's eyes moved!
I have seen a huge white budgie in the hallway - I don't know where it came from - but it seems to be a bit unwell - it keeps shouting for 'grit' and it's lost its golly - didn't think they were allowed these days. There's also a strange man wandering around with nothing on except a stethoscope - I'm pretty sure he's just an hallucination!
Nothing but weak tea for me for a few days, I'm afraid - then I might be back to normal - I should miss my pole dancing - and the sparkly knickers of course.
VG - could you and Prince H. manage the FibroAir flights for a few days? He has some interesting new destinations apart from Somewhere Hot. He can find his way to Somewhere Cold, and Somewhere We Haven't Heard Of, so everything is well in hand.
Off to put a cold compress on my head ... and find a gun to shoot the tiger and the budgie! Can you shoot hallucinations, or do you have to use special silver bullets - like with vampires? Perhaps the guy with the stethoscope is a vampire - Ooh jeepers!
Lol that's me I keep posting on the wrong threads...so delete myself..... Bet some of you are wishing I could delete myself permenantly.... I blame it all on fibro fog and not my incompetence
But of course I can hold the fort for a few days, I am sure you will be back with your seductive charms shortly.... Your hallucinations are quite amazing .. I see a portly GP in a top hat,,,,, offers Moffy some weak tea , just keep your neck well covered in case.. Shhh don't anyone tell her it's the tea GIVING her the hallucinations
Eeeek - VG! Send in the reinforcements!
It's worse than we thought! I need rescuing. Moffy keeps muttering things about shooting vampires, and looking straight at me! The doctor is standing on me so I can't get up! She's hung her gold knickers over the budgie, and is refusing to answer the doctor's questions because she says she can't talk to a man with no clothes on! This is definitely NOT the Moffy we know and love!
Please send HRH in Fibroair 1 - I don't mind where I go, although Somewhere We Haven't Heard Of sounds like the best place to escape form a madwoman clutching a gun, and trying to make silver bullets out of what looks suspiciously like a pole!
Oh my goodness I would phone the GP and send him somewhere else, but moffy seems to have torn her phone out of the wall socket and hidden it..... Under her dress???? Could you possibly sneak your paw under her dress and retrieve it so I can phone him . HRH and Libby have gone off for Sunday lunch Somewhere Over The Rainbow so I am coming over with my straight jacket for moffy and an urgent message for the GP .
Just keep breathing......
Mmmmpphh! When you speak to the GP - tell him to go on a diet. I feel quite flat!
Bu-u-ut I'm ju-u-sst re-ea-aching the pho-on-ne! Phew! Here you are.
Can I join Libs & HRH over the rainbow? Or is 3 a crowd?
I have made the phone call and the GP who is quite versatile is now treating the budgie, apparantly it pecked at Moffys gold plated knickers to get a view and coated his beak in gold and its now too heavy for him to open and chirp.... I phoned Libby and HRH to ask if you could join them for lunch but was told they have retired to the billiard room after demolishing everything edible.. Am just now writing to the GP enclosing a diet sheet..... Has Moffy stopped hallucinating or is she still drinking the tea???? If you could just sneak out disguised as the lamp, and bring the poles with you hopefully I won't have to venture out in the pouring rain to bring the straight jacket... Very clever of you to get the phone...... I suggest you grab a long cloak from the hallstand on your way out as you don't want capturing and putting in the zoo..... That would be a whole new thread .........
[sound of running footsteps]
Phew! I escaped! I found some left-over trifle and cream cakes, and left them for Moffy in the hope that it would stop her hallucinating. But as I ran from the room, I looked back and ......
The GP was holding his diet sheet upside down, and scoffing the trifle - I think he's got the wrong idea and is trying to GAIN weight.
Moffy was reaching for another cup of tea, but I had emptied the pot into the commode so I hope she will soon recover her wits.
The budgie has managed to open his beak but is asking the doctor for a neck brace, and threatening to sue Moffy for damage to his neck caused by the weight of the gold-plated beak. It was better when he couldn't open his beak!
I wrapped myself in the lampshade as a skirt, stole a couple of feathers off the budgie to twist into my hair, and am carrying the poles in each hand - trying to pretend they are nordic walking poles!
I am regaining my usual more rotund shape, but am still getting funny looks. It might be the poles! Or the body paint, which is now running in orange and black smears, and leaving a trail on the pavement behind me.
Uh-oh - long arm of the law on the horizon. Better scarper before I discover exactly HOW many laws I'm breaking. Can I phone HRH in the billiard room and get diplomatic protection?
Hmm..... HRH in the billiard room with ........... Guess the right object and he will guarantee your diplomatic immunity.... Libby is unfortunately as useless as Moffy at the moment, after going over the rainbow and eating everything HRH had on offer she went along the yellow brick road and seems to have eloped with Elton John...
Think hard what object do you need to say..... Hoping you get it right
Hmm, Well I'm no Miss Scarlet, and I'm more at home in the library than the billiard room, so let me think.....
Eureka you now have diplomatic immunity.... Though what you are panning to do with it I dread to think.... At least think before you act with moffy having a Victorian decline, Libby eloping with Elton John and Gins wanting to be confirmed, though where we are going to find her a dress at this time of night .... Aha you want diplomatic immunity to steal a sewing machine and make Gins a dress... How lovely..... Please if you find HRH in the billiard room don't kill him with one of the poles and make sure there are no cameras , hidden or otherwise
Yours wondering whether the police should be informed
But of course you will need it Kaz still has the poles if she starts pole dancing for HRH and you I want to have a good laugh.... I mean see the evidence....purely for scientific research of course.... Whistles innocently
If I start pole dancing, that's NOT something you want to see - scientific evidence or not! And with Libby eloping with Elton John, we need HRH to run fibro air, so I think I'd better not scare him off.
I was thinking of using the curtains to make Gins dress, sound of music style. But red velvet is not traditional for a confirmation, do you think it will matter?
Sandra, you distract HRH, while I grab the curtains!
Uh oh, they've brought the poles down with them. Now we've got even more poles!
Mmmmmmm red velvet should be ok as long as you don't make her a red hat... You know the saying red hat no knickers....... If HRH refuses to fly you back home with pathetic excuses like its too late or the weather is too bad I am assuming the curtain poles are wooden .... You and Sandra will have to take one each and pole vault home, you should make it by morning..... Unless Sandra is intending to fly if she is still disguised as a giant budgie , in which case Kaz grab hold of her ankles as she takes off and hitch a lift home that way....
Yours wondering where the yellow brick road actually leads to and will Libby ever return with or without Elton John, will Moffy stop hallucinating and where has PP gone????
According to Elton John they're on their way back to the farm to hunt horny back toads. The mind boggles!
I'm not sure Moffy ever has been free of hallucinations, and peepee is probably in the smallest room again.
Meanwhile I think the forum is freewheeling through space in the tender loving care of you, Sandra and me, gawd help the rest of the fibromites!
Sandra's getting ready to fly. She's done a couple of trial runs round the billiard table, and managed to narrowly avoid HRH, and the low hanging lamps. she is now perched on the window sill, so I have to go, and grab her ankles before its too late.
Wheeeee-eeeeee, this is FUN!
in reply to
Sorry folks, FibroAir got delayed with having to stop off for tea with Keanu Reeves, couldn't resist a cuppa and a cupcake with him. Far too gorgeous to refuse!
Had to borrow one of PP's frocks as I only had my flying suit with me lol! Just about squeezed in as she's so much shorter than me. It was almost indecent the hem length, I think I got away with it thanks to some gold plated undies made by our own dear Moffy! That spared my blushes!
Aha I can sleep well tonight knowing the yellow brick road leads to a toad farm... The things you learn on here..... I just thought has Sandra ever carried a passenger before.... SANDRA you need to fly higher or Kaz will end up on that mans shoulders.... Now that's interesting how is Kaz going to explain she is dressed in a lampshade wearing tiger stripe paint and sitting astride some strange mans shoulders....... Sandra come back and record this it's hilarious
i must of been flying in the wrong direction as i always miss all the fun !
i see firemen oooooOO well no wander one keeps on the chaise long lol .
i can only remember bits as the photographic memory of the fairy is slipping in to sleepiness alately, so must be flying around the wrong way.
the only G&T i experience is a ginger biscuit and Tea or is gingerbread man and tantalising thoughts . mmm let me bite off your legs and so on so moffy must be way a way with those firemen hahaha.
i think this fort will be held in good stead all week with different disguises around
Oh Cazzie, thank goodness you are here to keep an eye on VG until Sandra gets the hang of this flying malarkey, and we can get back. Oh, and put the kettle on, will you? Tea and gingerbread men sound like just the ticket!
you should say cee cee to that cazzie - don't say oui oui or you'll set PP off again!
had something caught on my foot before, looked down, shook it and Kaz fell off into HRH H's arms - is there nothing that girl won't do!
Speaking as a countess myself, can I recommend baroness. I believe that so far this remains unclaimed among our new nobility.
x
in reply to
Great idea Countess Kaz, Baroness Cazzie it is then! We are running out of titles lol!
I wondered what HRH Harry was holding wrapped in a blanket Lady S, lo and behold it's Countess Kaz dressed up in one of PP's frocks!
in reply to
Pink is so not my colour! As it seems that sooner or later we alll end up in one of her frocks, we HAVE to do something about PP's wardrobe.
Sandra! Stop telling tales out of school! Just because HRH was enough of a gentleman to catch me when you so callously dislodged me from hitching a ride on your ankle, doesn't mean I was enjoying myself! Although, of course, it doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying myself either! But I'm not a kiss and tell kinda gal, although, if the Mirror came a-knock in' ......?
Libby why were you with keanau reeves when I know you like Very tall men and when Elton John removed his extra tall platform boots at the toad farm you promptly ran off with Hagrid...and we're last seen boarding the knight bus together heading for Somewhere Secret
Giggles uncontrollably and wanders off into the sunset with keanau REeves
Ooh, Hagrid! Libs - you lucky girl!
in reply to
GIVE ME BACK KEANU VG!
Kaz is interested in Hagrid, she's saying I'm a lucky girl, I really don't mind if she wanders off with him at great sacrifice to me of course (Libs grins, I might just get away with this . . . . . . )
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