humpty dumpty and the whale

went for a shower today in my adapted wet room as always cat purdy came into my litter room to supervise

I threw my glorious (not) mop of wet hair back slipped and kept going all 132 kgs of me,

the shower curtian became excited at the fullbody contact and wrapped itself lovingly around my naked wet body down I went backwards saying a quick hi to the cat as i passed afterall i did not want her to feel left out of theis niceday for a wet wedding.

she hissed spat and ran but unfortunately the curtain that holds the water back was now on the floor carressing my body and the water was pouring over the floor she leapt up and landed in three inches of water slipped and fell over who says cats dont jpin in the fun

i hit the floor with a bang on the head and realised that it has always taken three or four people to lift me when i fall

to press the assisst button or not to press the assist button thatis the question...... no no no they cant geti n i am against the door they will have to bring in fire men to crash the door down and then there was the bathroom door that i was blocking in full naked glory. oh god why did i let the cellulite regroup..

get up push the damn button or drown but do something woman

I rolled over......... who says beached whales cant roll over they can if faced

with too many people looking just imagine the neighbours and then theres the dreaded u tube

spurred on by this thought i crawled towards the only stable thing close nuff to help the toilet and closed the lid and used itto lever me me but forgettingmomentarily that i was tangled with a heavy shower curtain and that i was as slippery as as an eel i found my hand slipping across the top of the toilet only to have my chin say hello to the floor again by now my cat was hysterical and i was laughing so much i just sat there a while in the freezing cold,

sanity regained at i used a towel on the toilet and dragged me up dried myself off covered the floor with every towel in the house my shoulders have no decent joins anymore due to degenerative arthritisand were sore from losing the weight lifting lifting contest.so i could not mop upmy poor littlecat hatestobe wet she is persain cross and very fluffy.as itis cold i worriedaboutherand called her todry her off she sat and is still sitting in a huff wherei cant reach her .

now my questions are will i fall pregant with baby shower curtains how long is the gestation period and can i find home for them quickly and finally will my cat ever forgive me

18 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Oh, I hope you are ok, and not too many bruises, but I am sitting here laughing, your description is brilliant. I'm so glad you can see the funny side, and share it with us all.

    Take care, and let us know about the babies -lol! I've heard of having kittens before but .....?

    Kaz

    xx

  • Hi

    Oh dear sorry, but I haven't laughed that much in ages. I truly hope you are ok.

    I checked about baby shower curtains, apparently they appear when you are least expecting it!!! So be careful. As for your cat I suspect the answer is no. Cats are very unforgiving especially if you have ruined her hair. A few dozen prawns or some fresh fish may bring her around but I think she will probably steer clear of the wet room in future.

    Piggie hugs ;-) xxxxxxx

  • lol this the realme not the whiney person i became..

  • Good for you xxxxxxx

  • Hi

    So pleased that you have kept your sense of humour with all that is happening to you and you are able to share it with us in such a brilliantly descriptive way. Hope you feel a bit

    better and also for tomorrow as that is usually when it gets you, the next day when you try to get out of bed.

    I think you will be fine with the shower curtains and if required you can call in the RSPCSC and they will most likely take the excess for you.

    Take care or perhaps take greater care and Kindest regards

    Terry

  • Oh my goodness me, what a story! Thank goodness you didn't hurt yourself! I don't think you are at any risk of being pregnant lol, oh dear me! That made me chuckle!

    Thanks for telling us all about this, it's made my evening!

    I love the idea of bribing the cat with prawns so she avoids the wet room lol!

    Bless you. (((hug))) xxx

    Libs

  • Sorry but this made me smile:) Thank you and glad you are ok, could have been nasty, look out for bruises tomorrow! Oh and poor Kitty!

  • there once was a poet named petal,

    took a shower when feeling in fine fettle

    slipped and fell flat

    just missing the cat

    who it'll take her a while now to settle!

    for sometime she lay, stunned, but ok

    wondering "should I press the emergency button"

    but, whilst on the floor,

    she blocked up the door

    naked with no clothes to put on.

    no, naked's not true

    of that you can be certain

    'cos when she fell,

    in that watery well,

    she wrapped herself up in the curtain!

    did she call for help? no,

    she gave it a go

    and got up by using the loo.

    now the cat won't forgive her

    not even for prawns or some liver,

    I wouldn't either, would you?

    petal made us all laugh

    not by taking a bath

    but attempting to take a shower,

    she's ok we can smile,

    but I bet it's a while,

    before the cat'll forgive

    and not glower!

    not purrfect! but sums it up

    sandra :D

  • Brilliant!

  • That is so good it made me chuckle lol and puts my poems go shame petal

  • thanks petal, but remember, I've read your excellent poems! :)

  • I am so so sorry that I laughed at this, a girl after my own heart. I fell out of the bath not so long ago but I had no shower curtain to hide my decency, not that I have much left. And while hubby, daughter and dog where all outside the bathroom door baying to get in I repeatedly shouted that I was fine, trying to drag a bath sheet around my podge before hubby decided to break the door down!. It amazes me how we can laugh but it seems it is something we are programmed to do. I hope you are okay and I hope the cat is too. And I think I may send you some new shower curtain clips for the eimpending birth xxxxx

  • Well done xxxx

  • Hi All

    Just Magic Sandra.

    Round of applause and that is what I love about this site - The humour (and the poetry)

    Best wishes and kindest regards

    Terry

  • Just what I needed. You shld try writing a book. Hope you alright after your (mis)adventure. Chine

  • Brilliant what an escapade so pleased you are bruised but not too shaken xgins!

  • Oh poor you! I've occasionally pondered what I'd do if I got myself in a similar situation and come to the same conclusion as you - no notoriety please. Laughed like a drain reading this while feeling a bit rotten for doing so :D Hope the bruises fade quickly. As for the cat, I believe the expression cupboard love was invented for them so my compassionate suggestion is that you starve it until it suddenly decides it loves you once again. Thinking of joining the RCPCA as an inspector, what do you think?

  • I'm sorry about your mishap Fadedblossom, but it did make me chuckle and smile 1st thing this morning.

    Well written but well rotten thing to happen, ha ha

    My old ginger cat Freddie used to wait for me in the bathroom while I showed and sat on the laundry basket next to the curtain. Waiting for me to rub my wet soapy hand all over him which groomed out his fur. I enjoyed this little ritual with him, but when I moved home and had a walk in shower cubicle, the ritual ended, and never did it again, very sad.

    And Sandra 99b a brilliant poem too.

    thanks for sharing this with us :) xxx

You may also like...