selfish partners anyone?

[louda]

well tried my best to do some xmas shopping manage less than an hour !!!!!! crawled out off the car i could cry with the pain i'm in.So i have to do dinner grrrr and my thoughtfull husband is snoozing gentley in his chair...bless him....grrrrrrrr .ANYONE ELSE HAVE A THOUGHTFUL HUSBAND LIKE MINE?......x

[Hidden]

I used to but left him 4 years ago. I used to be Assistant Manager at Millets and still come home to cook and clean and deal with Phoebe.

Now i have a brilliant man who takes over when needed and fully understands the illness but we had counceling and i was upfront and told him about fibro before we got together and he did research and still stuck around guess i'm lucky xxx

Does he aknowledge your illness?

[louda in reply to Hidden]

thats what i should do but really dont have the energy to go through with it at the moment.....my husband doesnt even aknowledge me let alone my illness....glad you found your mr.right.....x

[Hidden]

Men! Bless them! Mine can be the same, they can't seem to help it. Snores his head off and I am writhing in pain! I honestly don't think they can help it the more I analyse it over the years. My hubby is wonderful and I think he understands my Fibro as much as a man can without having it himself, but he can still drift off oblivious sometimes. I do feel for you.

Get him to make you a cuppa when he stops snoozing! xxx

[louda in reply to Hidden]

ah thats one thing he does when i ask then i have to remind him to pour it !!!!!!!! if i'm ill in bed he will get hiself somthing to eat and offer me nothing ...his reply is..well your ill didnt think you were hungry !!!!!!.........happy days....gotta keep smiling...x

[ladymoth]

Some men are wonderful 'tis true, but so many of them are a right royal pain in the a**!

As far as I'm concerned, men are for social purposes only.

They may, if gorgeous and well-behaved, escort me to the theatre, concerts etc. They may take me to dinner, and indulge me in witty and entertaining conversation before driving me home in their (expensive and luxurious) car.

If they are very, very gorgeous and extremely well-behaved, I might occasionally ask them to stay for breakfast. Not that I'd notice the naughty bit - can never stay awake long enough - but that doesn't seem to upset 'em!

I am such a wicked and demanding woman, that most men run screaming for cover - but that's fine by me - I'm quite happy alone most of the time!

[Hidden in reply to ladymoth]

How very sensible ladymoth Jane x

[louda in reply to ladymoth]

oh ladymoth thats a fantastic reply and you have definatly got the right idea !!!!!!....x

[Hidden in reply to ladymoth]

Moffy what a brilliant post lol! I didn't realise you were a cougar these days lol! xxx

[Extremelygrumpy]

Sorry I read that as shellfish partners and yes my OH can be a little crabby, but as far as putting up with me he is either absolutely wonderful, or totally oblivious , or as when I was in labour totally useless. But he does try his best and he does make my life in general better for me, I had fibro when I met him and 18 years later he's still here

VG x

[ladymoth in reply to Extremelygrumpy]

'Crabby and Shellfish"!!!! I love it ! xxx

[sharne27]

I have a partner that hhas sly digs he says he messing but i hate it. I have a 2yr old and i used to take him out everyday now i cant manage it so much i feel so bad yet my other half wont take him to his groups, I force myself to take him then pay for it later on even go when i cant walk properly. While he plays his games , then i have to cook every night, He used to bother I just want to scream at his sometimes. My can be selfish xx

[fairycazzie]

i wanted to reply to this post too my 'ex' would not do a thing!

i have a diferent life (not perfect) my hubba is a 'godsend' when comes to looking after me, although other issues are not so good.

i love Admin reply you little cougar and perfect as everyone has said because if i were s'ingle ' blimey i would be the same ! without a doubt .

well i hope things can cahnge for you and that if maybe you just go on 'strike'??? it may be noticed how bad things are because i was the one doing absolutely evrything from working al day to coming home cooking, cleaning, kids, pets etc and gardening, DIY you name it i did it and now those days have long gone and everyone is grumpy as noticing they have to do more and more and more even leaving home seems to have kicked in too because cannot deal with it. hahahahahh i always said what could i do to have a lovely quiet life .

sending you 99huggles ))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bob2421]

OUCH reading these hurts being a mere male I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and best friend. She stuck by me when I went off the rails and became an alcoholic I don't know how she stayed I did some terrible things when I was drinking but thank God iv'e not had any alcohol for almost 13 years now. Pearl my lovely lady has osteoarthritis, a failed hip replacement, diabetes, two dodgy knees and bronchiectesis (or buggered lungs). she forgave me for my indiscretions while drunk, we have been married for 40 years come next March we work together I do what I can, she watches lol. No we help each other I have made a few rules though 1:the kitchen is mine 2:the vacuum cleaner only works for me 3:washing hanging it out and ironing is better when two do it 3: my new steam mop is too dangerous for Pearl to use. Oh she also makes a great cup of tea.

Take care loads of hugs and God bless

[louda in reply to bob2421]

how nice when 2 people can work together and sort things out,thats what a good relationship is all about how i envy you!!!! and may it continue....thanks for your reply and god bless.....x

[Hidden in reply to bob2421]

HI bob when women are together it's lethal for a man but i have met many an awful wife while moving around in the army as well as men so we are as bad as each other. Your wife is so strong to have stuck with you through that time and it is good that you have helped her now i would say you two were ment to be. Take care Bob and well done on 13 years dry xx

[SootyB in reply to bob2421]

My OH is a blessing - we both have health problems that slow us down and make us feel a lot older than our 32-years, sometimes, but we're there for each other, and share the essential work out when we're both suffering! As Rachie said, there's plenty of rubbish women as well as rubbish men, but some of us have been fortunate enough to find a partner who is an angel. xx

[cobweb in reply to bob2421]

So glad you are there for each other now.

Allcohol changes people, it's hell for the people watching their loved one killing themselves!

I stayed with my alcoholic husband for nearly 30years, but strangely finally broke up after he found sobriety.

Be kind to each other

Cobweb xxxx

[fleurmp]

I have to say my OH is absolutely great - he doesn't necessarily notice when things need doing, but he'll do them if I ask him. He always make sure I'm warm if I'm in pain, brings me food and drinks if I'm in bed and is an all round fab husband. I am very lucky. He suffers from Crohns, so when he's having a flare up I look after him too. We are a team and that's what makes our partnership work.

[ArctoLindy]

After two bad relationships I've stayed single for the last 21 years! Though my son's Dad did occasionally try to be reasonable while I was pregnant with our son... he phoned me once at work to ask how I made dumplings - he used to make lovely stews but his dumplings would always sink to the bottom of the dish! I told him I always just followed the directions on the suet packet.

So I get home and there's a lovely stew waiting for me, complete with fluffy floating dumplings. I was hungry and dug into my dinner with enthusiasm until I tasted it... turned out he used the recipe suggestion rather than the basic instructions! Still, it could have been worse, he could have completed the recipe for sweet lemon dumplings and poured custard over the top of the stew! LOL

[lozb]

Ladymoth I was just like you for many years, after a rough 1st marriage, I spent 11yrs on my own men ran for cover as said I scared them ( i am 5ft lol ) and always said no man would use me again, and would never find the right one, But yes 8yrs ago last week I met a fab man who I married just over 12mths ago, he is mr wonderful. does everything for me, the washing cooking shopping, treats me like a princess, and goes to evry doctors, hospital appt with me so fully understands my illness, I feel so fortunate to have him and he NEVER complains, love you Carl, you are my rock, my friend, my everything, x

[ladymoth]

Awhhhh lozb, that warms my chilly old heart! I am only 5'2", so maybe it's us 'shorties' who frighten men the most.

I'm so glad you've found happiness, but at my advanced age (64) I've done with 'happy ever after' - I just try to enjoy each day as it comes. I actually do have plenty of men friends, but joking apart, I tend to keep them at arm's length, 'cos I have enough trouble looking

after myself, let alone a fella!

The last serious boyfriend I had was lovely - he would treat me like a princess in many ways, but he wanted constant attention "Rub my shoulders - massage my back - could you cut my nails for me? Can you look in my ears - they feel blocked! - What's for dinner? Any chance of a cuppa?"

I was worn out! If I suggested he could do things for himself, he would say:"Oh, but you do it so much better than me!"

He also had a tendency to hog the TV remote - he liked watching crummy reality programs and dopey quizzes, and got quite bewildered if I wanted to see something a bit more serious, and would chunter away all the time I was trying to watch.

As I say, he was a kind, generous person in many ways, but he irritated the hell out of me!

I longed for a quiet evening when I could rest undisturbed and watch what I wanted on TV.

Well, we parted on reasonably friendly terms - I still miss him sometimes, because he was kind and sweet - but I would be horrified at the thought of living with him again!

Miserable ol' biddy, aren't I? LOL ... love Moffy x

[motzie]

It makes interesting reading...some good...some not so good ! My hubby feels very lonely as he said that we used to do everything together & now we don't. I don't think he understands the sheer frustration, pain & loathing i have having FMS.

He makes me feel it is my fault in a sence & i have the guilty feeling of not being the person he married. A freind of mine said it is a mans thing of not being carering & selfish, which helped me no end.

I feel very alone as literaly none of my so call freinds seem to keep in touch as they are busy living there own lives, which i can understand...it is the saying i don't want sympathy just understanding & a bit more help.

I managed to have a serious talk with my hubby and some home truths came out. The main one was that my hubby dosn't cope when i am out of commision..as i put it. He has no motivation at all unless i carefully sugest some things that he could do, so as he has acheived some thing to make him feel better....i know you are saying that he could be deppresed...i also think that but he won't go to Dr's as he says he's fine.

I would love to live on my own and not have the guilt of not being able to make dinner, do housework etc, we live about12 miles from a town which dosn't help, at least if we stayed in town he would have freinds, family and a better social life. I have said we should move and he said we will once he is not able to cut wood...we have a wood burning stove...and do the other outdoor things.

I should say that he plays in a band and it has been a quiet year financialy, he is retired & i am unable to work.so thats where we are at.

So sorry for going on i got carried away.... my hubby dosn't understand & doesn't want to is what iwas trying to say. Hope you are all keeping safe & warm, take care ,loads of (((hugs))) Mary xx

[louda in reply to motzie]

thank-you for your reply i can really relate to your situation my husband is exactley the same no motivation at all speaking is an effort for him at times and i feel no i am made to feel guilty about my illness he also doesnt understand and has no intention of doing so....so wish i could afford to live on my own i wouldnt hessitate...how i hate this illness makes me feel like a prisoner....x

[Hidden]

Hi

My experience is that the men I've known have always been really eager to please, they are happy so long as they feel loved, wanted and appreciated, and they seem to want nothing more than to feel that they can provide for me and look after me. I think there are different kinds of men, the ones who want to be looked after and those who want to look after. No doubt there are men who are mature enough to want both at times, but I think a lot of men fall into one or other category, as do women. Probably I'll get lots of really negative responses to what I'm about to say, but if you pick men who seem to want looking after then maybe you readily take on the role of looking after them as if they are children - it's usually both people who create the dynamics in a relationship. I pick men who look after me in many obvious ways, for example they provide well for me financially, often do a lot of the cooking and are happy to share their part in cleaning, etc, but I look after their emotional needs so they feel secure and happy and I provide the ideas that make the home a place they like and feel proud of, and I make a lovely garden and so in a way it's an equal partnership, in that although on the surface I seem to be the one who gets more from the relationships, they feel happy with me, perhaps happier than I am with them. It's a funny world, few of us get what we want, probably because we don't really know what we want, we just know what we think we want. I've always said I wanted a man who is very sociable, dresses well and wants to take me out and about into the world but then I choose men who are loving, homely, dress comfortably and are not very sociable, they are happy so long as they have me! How perverse we are! Few of us are happy with what we have. I've decided that really I want everything, even completely contradictory things, so perhaps it's inevitable that I will be disappointed in some ways. We can't have it all. If your man is abusive then get out, if he's not the way you want him to be then maybe he's not as happy as he seems either. He's unlikely to be content if you are not. My husband has often told me what simple souls men are, that they want very little in life in order to be happy, but that mostly what they want is to please their partners. Perhaps I just pick lovely men!

Sue

[cobweb]

No but I've got an ex husband like that! Great aren't they?

Hope yours has good points too.

Cobweb xxx

[diane63]

mine always says... off course i understand ur illness.. and can help me.. but... if i am ill and cant do anything even a little housework or cook dinner... he goes in the huff... lol... thats really helps me eh.. guilt is the worst thing for a woman who previously done it all.. lol xx