Who finds that their partners ex wife/husband gets under their skin and causes a flare up??

[Rach1977]

My husbands ex wife shall be having a hit man on her soon (only joking). She constantly asks for more money. My husband pays £500 maintenance for 2 kids, he gave her the house, paid some money off the mortgage, contents of the house and anything else you can think of.

She is awful to me, first time she ever saw me she started shouting at me in the middle of a public place. I held it together as I was not going to lower my standards. Ever since she has been a total moo. Sending solicitors letters on my birthday....all a load of twaddle!!!! What she failed to remember was that it takes a lot to scare a copper or intimidate me. I still have feelings though. I do anything for my son, would run around the world for him, however she won't even drop them to our house. So my husband has to collect and return every weekend.....at our cost when we don;t have a massive amount of money ( funnily enough that's due to the fact she took all his!!). She is such a victim and so stubborn. I kindly asked her if she could collect her kids from our house on xmas day as we have returned them for the last 3 years and she point blanky said "No" and tried slamming my front door in my face,

I could deal with all of this, however it never appears that my husband stands up for me. He pitter patters around her. Why??? If he stood up for me and told her to sort out her attitude I could accept it a little more. I want to hold my head high.....for a start she's an old witch/hag and let it pass over me, however she makes my blood boil!!! I am not voilent, but I want to lay her out....oh the feeling of satisfaction !!!

Sorry for my winge!!!!!!

[Spirit]

Awww huni - don't worry about having a winge. These things make us feel worse than ever and lets face it, none of us need that. I think you need to talk with him about this. Chances are he tip-toes around her for fear of losing access to his kids. Is it a nuisance?-Yes. Is it annoying?-Yes. Get him to tell you why - at the moment you're feeling unsupported as a result - but if you know the reason then you would be able to cope with it. Once you know, you'd be able to stand there and just smile faintly - will totally mess with her head cos you know what game your dear husband is really playing with her.

Here for you xxx

[Twiglet]

My ex parters, ex wife was exactly the same and he made the situation worse by either winding her up, then refusing to talk to her so I got all the flack.

Or worse still putting her feeliongs above mine......hence he is now my ex!

[Hidden]

I've had this in the past, the best way to deal with it is to keep calm in front of her. Don't let her see that she is getting to you, it's not worth it in the long run as you will pay for getting stressed with your pain levels etc. Your hubby is probably a bit out of his depth and men bless them can make a mess of situations sometimes on emotional levels, I know my hubby can. At the end of the day she is an ex, you are his wife! Unfortunately many exes seem to enjoy using children as trump cards, sounds like she is doing this knowing full well the impact and inconvenience this causes. It is hard, I've been there, driving all round the country picking children up here there and everywhere she clicks her fingers. The only consolation is that one day the children can call the shots and it does get easier. Try to keep calm as much as you can, it's a really testing situation, I do feel for you and your hubby too.

[margaret1959]

i too had a very similar problem with my partners ex she used to shout fetch and he would run until one day i told him she is not gonna control my life telling us what we could and couldnt do and when ..like a phone call one day we were a 100 miles away from home and she was demanding to know why we were out because her son was on our door step ...he too paid maintenance .. i asked whats the worst she can do ... stop you seeing your child ... ok then you stop paying her the wad of money she will soon give in ...it worked . i told him he stands up to me so he can stand up to her ..... he finally did ... problem sorted .

[Rach1977]

Thanks guys, nice to hear I am not alone... I actually wrote him a letter last night about how I felt about things etc and he has now said he understands, but maybe didn't quite know how much it was hurting me.

I have tried the moral high ground, being nice, etc etc, but she is the wierdest of wierd!!! I know what i have to do, on the odd occassion i do come into contact withher, however my blood boils and I want to erupt like a volcano!!!!

She has been so so nasty to me, said awful things about my little boy when she doesn't even know him and I cannot forgive and forget......I just wish I could. I suppose one of my best coping mechanisms is that I know she is Ugly( sorry for bing bitchy), she is on her own, has few friends and wishes what I have!!!!!!! I've even made myself feel better now. I should have a mantra for everytime I come into contact with her....then i will be able to stay calm and be the better person.

I guess it's the money part that grinds me down, if I was a millionaire I'd give her £50 notes with a smirk on my face, however as I am in the process of losing my job and not knowing what the future holds I get stressed......she is just cheeky.

Like you guys all say, let her do as she pleases, it's how I react that is going to effect my life, my health and my relationship with my husband. Thanks guys for your support!!!! xxx

[Rach1977]

Oh was going to say margaret.....I would stop the maintenance just like that as I have control over the bank act, however my husband has a court order to pay it, part of the divorce settlement!!!!..........I have said to my husband though that if he gives any money, not only will I throw him out of the house, but I will deduct it from the standing order .........who's laughing then!!!! God I sound mean don't I. I am not really!!!! xx

[Spirit]

Made me lol Rach1977! You're doing okay.

I think the letter thing was a really good idea - sometimes it takes seeing it in black and white for them to realise the impact they are having on your life.

And don't worry about bitching - better you get it off your chest in here than out there

Spirit xxx

[Rach1977]

Thanks Spirt!!!!!xx

[Harmonyjoe]

Been there, done that, the marriage lasted less than a year!! You deserve to be stood up for and your husband needs to stop being a coward! Maybe he's scared she'll stop him seeing his kids? Even so, he now has you and you should be worth enough! Chances are she wouldn't stop his contact as I wouldn't mind betting she's got used to having that time to herself when they're with you

The stress does get to you and is not a help to your fibro at all. I know we can't expect to never have to deal with stressful situations, but when it's on a frequent basis, I think it's more detrimental to yourself and your fibro.

Hope you can encourage your husband to be more of a man x