I have struggled through the last couple of days, starting Tuesday with Hydrotherapy and then getting back into the office. There is always something to irritate you when you get back to work and I was in serious danger of falling into the negative trap of thinking things through a step too far. You know the things 'people are sidelining me' 'they must be trying to get rid of me' etc etc. But of course, there is no evidence for these thoughts, and the alternative explanation is - I was on annual leave and they needed to get on with stuff without burdening me with it when I returned to work. The organisation is paying good money for an external consultant to do some of my work to support my extended phased return, and he should be doing the work because we are paying him money to do it!
So once I had a good chat with myself about the evidence for 'knowing' things that you can't know I let it go and took charge a little bit - which is what I can do and know. Less stressful than getting all paranoid.
At the end of the day - I fell asleep at 9pm - woken by my teen daughter and told to go to bed!
I also got feedback on my first assignment for the teaching course I am doing, and I passed easily with lots of positive comments from the tutor. Always good to feel you are getting things right.
I still managed to get out in the mornings to walk my dog, even though it is a short 30 minute walk, it is an achievement to get out of bed. I have kept myself motivated by taking photo's on my phone - and realise that it is definitely worth the effort to appreciate the beauty of world and rich colours and sensations that autumn gives us.