Felt like screaming earlier today, but have just watched the news and my heart goes out to all those affected by the dreadful floods.

[Saskia]

Anxiety and depression is beginning to take a hold on me. It always does at this time of the year, unfortunately, mostly because of bereavements at Christmas time which mean that I really don't have much of a heart for Christmas these days. I try my best for my husband's sake. However, because I am in such a muddle and so behind with things (due to constant pain and fatigue) I am beginning to get irritable. Everything I go to touch or to pick up seems to end in a landslide of clutter of one sort or another, causing even more of a mess and a muddle. I think this is partly because my hands go into spasm and shake so I don't get hold of things properly. I just cannot find a present I bought for a friend some time back. We were going to drop it round to her tomorrow. I started to wrap the dogs' presents and ended up knocking stuff off the table, getting the sellotape stuck on the wrapping paper not where it was supposed to go, losing gift tags, then my pen, then the scissors etc etc. My language deteriorated slightly after an hour or so of this! That was when I began to feel like screaming but I kept a lid on it!

SOoooooo I thought I'd better chill out.....I watched "Strictly" and was pleased that Louis won, although I would have been happy for any of them to win as they were all so brilliant. When I watch I feel sad as I used to love dancing. Wasn't very good but I used to enjoy myself anyway!

THEN the news came on and I saw all those poor souls struggling with flooded shops and streets and I thought "What have I got to worry about. Who cares if our house is a mess (apart from Ian and me) and, in the great scheme of things, it doesn't really matter"

SOoooooo the news put everything back into perspective and at least I am warm and not having to bale out water.

I am anxious about the letter from the DWP right on Christmas, as I know I shall have to jump through hoops in the New Year. I have always been a born worrier. Not easy to change my proverbial spots now!

It seems as though quite a few of us are going through the assessment process at the moment.

Tomorrow I shall try to be more positive.

Does anyone else suffer from heightened anxiety and depression at this time of the year? I'd be interested to hear from any of you.

Night, night.

Love and hugs from Saskia XX

[Hidden]

I think Christmas brings out the anxiety in most of us, me anyway! Had a good day yesterday but was so anxious/stressed today! Trying to get last minute bits done. As for sellotape and scissors sounds like me sticking it to myself and losing the scissors! But yes we should be grateful for what we have got and relax a bit more....easier said than done though.

I too tend to miss people I have lost in the past especially this time of year but really should focus on who is still here....

Take care, try to relax and enjoy your Cmas....says the one who needs to take her own advice!

[Saskia in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, MaryT, for your kind words. I shall think of you when I am getting all stuck up and losing things!

Have a lovely Christmas. Love and hugs Saskia XX

[Hidden]

The floods are happening in my area, it was all on the Southern news. Fortunately we are higher up so haven't been affected, but my heart goes out to the families affected.

Some friends of ours have to face Christmas with their lounge, hall, kitchen and dining rooms wrecked because of flood damage. They lost their car too as it floated away and was badly wrecked. Gardens absolutely trashed as well. It will takes months to sort it all out.

Horrendous to happen at any time of year, but Christmas somehow makes is so much worse.

It makes me thankful that my family and I are ok and apart from Fibro things could be so much worse.

(((hug))) xxx

Libs

[Saskia in reply to Hidden]

So sorry to hear that your friends have been affected by the floods. How dreadful for them.

Glad that you and your family are OK. As you say FMS is bad enough but at least we are warm in our houses and we have a lot to be thankful for. I do hope that your friends have somewhere they can go over Christmas? Poor souls. Not a good way to go into the New Year.

Have a lovely time, Libs. Saskia XX and a hug.

[ArctoLindy]

Oh my goodness Liberty! I'm so glad you're OK. It must be awful to be flooded out of your home at any time of year but especially bad at Christmas!

I also used to love dancing when I was younger Saskia and these days I can't even bring myself to watch programmes like "Strictly". As of a few days ago, its been 25 years since my Mum died and a few days into the new year it'll be 25 years since my first miscarriage at 19 weeks, my Grandad died on New Year's Eve when I was a child and a favourite Uncle died on Boxing Day 1984, so I've also had problems around Christmas too. It was only when my son was born that I realised I would have to find a new way to deal with things so I didn't make my son's Christmas miserable too. I don't ignore my emotions, I give them some time - I take flowers to my Mother, Grandad and Grandmother's graves and spend a little time with my memories (trying to stick with the good ones) and then I put in some effort to get on with the business of Christmas preparations. My son is now 22 so I've had a few years of practice at this but for me, it helps. By allowing myself a little time with my emotions, seems to make it easier to get on with Christmas when I need to. I'm not saying those feelings go away - they don't - but for me, they become much more manageable.

[Saskia in reply to ArctoLindy]

Hi LindyLaine,

Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. You have had a lot of bereavements, too, and I am so very sorry to hear about them and about your miscarriage at 19 weeks. That must have been awful for you. Having your son for 22 years must at least have given you the incentive to make things nice for his sake, even though inwardly you feel sad and miss your loved ones. I am impressed at how well you seem to manage your emotions, in a safe sort of way. I suppose I just bottle things up and try to keep a lid on everything, which is when I feel like I am going to erupt at any moment because everything is simmering under the surface.

I have been dealing with things a bit better today and haven't got quite so stressed out. I try very hard to be calm as it isn't very nice for my husband if I am walking around on a knife edge.

Thanks for caring. I do hope that you and your family have a lovely Christmas and I wish you all you would wish for yourself for the New Year. Love and hugs Saskia. XX

[Hidden]

We have so much to be thankful for, but I do feel quite low myself at this time of year. I will get into the spirit of it on the day, but the build up can take it's toll on us. I watched a Christmas Carol last night, it is my all time favourite ( it has to be the Patrick Stewart version) I wished that life was like that, everyone pulling together , even when they didn't have much they enjoyed themselves. Maybe I am getting old but I think we spend far too much at christmas, do children really need all these things. We were quite poor when I was a little girl, but we had a wonderful time.Spare a thought for those who have nothing, and those who for no fault of their own have no where to live ( there are more than you think). However it is the season of goodwill, so I wish all those who share this site a Very Happy Christmas, and hopefully better health in 2013 x

[Saskia in reply to Hidden]

Hi Wednesday,

Thank you for your nice reply. Like you, I was brought up without very much but I knew that my mum and my gran loved me and later my stepfather, too. The excesses of Christmas, these days, is a bit sickening when there are so many people who are hungry and have nothing or terminally ill or homeless. Believe me I am well aware of the many thousands of homeless and poverty stricken people there are in the UK as well as the rest of the world and I always do my little bit to help when and where I can. So I certainly spare several thoughts a day for those who are worse off and I am in the habit of sending healing thoughts and prayers for those in need. However, I still cannot help my depression and I do suffer with anxiety as well and I just find this time of the year very, very difficult to cope with. I am not proud of that fact. Just honest. I feel dreadfully sorry for all those caught up in the unprecedented flooding that we have had recently. It must be dreadful for them and I am very thankful for my nice warm house. BUT I am not smug. In fact, if I think too deeply about all the needy people and animals in the world and about all the abuse that goes on I feel totally overwhelmed with despair so I have to be careful not to dwell too much on all the negative stuff!

Like you, I shall get into the spirit on the day.

I hope that you have a lovely time without too much pain and I wish you a happy New Year with better health if possible. XX

[Hidden]

Thanks Saskia. You sound a very spiritual person, I too suffer depression, but it comes and goes and I accept it now instead of giving myself a hard time. My Mum passed away just before Christmas and her birthday would have been 28th December, but I know she wouldn't want me to be sad. Someone told me to let a red balloon in the air, so I could send her all my love to heaven. I do find this a lovely way to get through those special anniversaries. I wish you well. xx

[Saskia]

Hi Wednesday

I have only just picked up your message. I am so sorry. Thank you for your lovely message. I do try to be spiritual but I fall very short quite a lot of the time. It is easy when we are not feeling stressed and anxious but much harder when we are all knotted up inside. I am so very sorry that you lost your mum before Christmas and also have the anniversary of her birthday so close to Christmas. Today (6th January) is the 14th anniversary of my mum's passing so I have been feeling very low today. In fact I posted a blog about it earlier today.

You are so right when you say that our mums wouldn't have wanted us to be sad. I love the red balloon idea. What a wonderful way of sending her your love.

It is so nice to share our thoughts and feelings with each other through this site.

I do hope that this year will be a better one for all of us with less pain, less stress and better health if at all possible. Above all I wish you a HAPPY New Year.

Love and hugs Saskia XX