I really did not want to bother anyone with this, and the fear of being judged because I have been judged and given a hard time throughout life about it, but I am in such a mess and I absolutely don't know what to do or who I can turn to or if I should turn to anyone.
I am embarressed that I am struggling with this.
I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I have no friends and my only family is my 31 year old son.
I have been putting up with this for 15 years, trying hard not to push my son away but I am broken and lost. It is breaking my heart.
He is an alcoholic, poly drug addict, with ADHD and other mental health issues.
He is extremely controlling, cohersive, angry, manipulating, abusive, constant emotional blackmail and abuse. Also with entitlement.
I am ashamed I am struggling to help him and that I struggle being around him but he often puts me in a flare with all I have mentioned above. I am just not strong enough mentally & physically.
I have tried and tried to support him but I cannot take it anymore because of the constant abuse and emotional blackmail.
He bombarreds me with crazy texts, saying he wants to go meet my daughter who was still born at 9 and half months pregnant, He says I had the wrong child, it should of been him that died not her, as though I had any choice she was still born.
He won't go for help.
We used to have such a loving great relationship when I was bringing him up.
He is very cruel, over past week it has been so bad I have told him to F*** Off and leave me alone.
Just when I thought he couldn't get any cruler he did.
When I was 19 I had a son to my first partner who was skitzophrenic, he used to beat me up, and cheat on me with men. (I have nothing against gay people)
I was so broken and ended up homeless with my son which resulted in me giving my son up for adoption.
He was 2 n a half - 3 years old. I have had no contact with this son in all this time because that's how it was back then. He is now 44.
Please don't judge me for this. I have been judged by some women about this but more has been non judgemental.
One particular woman that gave me a real hard time when I put him up for adoption ended up later in her life being in exactly the same situation and when she saw me she hung her head low and found it hard to look me in the eye.
My abusive 31 year old son that I have now has found my adopted son and has been messaging him saying I haven't got long to live, I am going in to sheltered housing , and that I want a chance to explain things to him before it's too late.
He sent me partial screenshots of their texts. He has told him some truths but also lies.
This has totally messed with his head and mine.
It has all put me in a bit of a flare, I'm in agony, I'm extremely stressed, I have switched off my phone
Because I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.
I have thought over my life that if I did ever meet my adopted son I would obviously prefer it happened in happy, normal circumstances, not in to this extremely toxic relashionship/life.
I am so scared and broken😭
And I almost put my house on fire last night.
My ninja foodi was on top of my cooker and I put the wrong ring on for peas and my foodi completely melted all over my cooker, thick smoke everywhere, fire alarms going off.
x
Written by
saxcat
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I am so sorry for you.Can you not message your son you put up for adoption and ask him if you could meet privately.you should have a chance to explain.It would help him too.
But you must ask for help for yourself too.I don’t know where you can,maybe someone else will tell you
Sending you huge fluffy loving hugs all the love ♥️ I can send you.
I can assure you that although you may feel so you are not alone in this ordeal. Circumstances may vary but the core issue is the same.
With me it was both my mother and brother with my dad enabling them by refusing to believe me about their deplorable treatment of me.
You must hear these words; you are not responsible for your grown son’s behavior. He made wrong personal choices that has transformed him into the monster he is now.
You must do what is best for you, your wellbeing and sanity. Please don’t wait for decades like I did to completely sever ties with this disturbed man child.
It isn’t wrong to do the right thing for yourself. Do not let those who judge you cause you further damage for they are not in your shoes and therefore have absolutely NO say that matters.
All the stress that this situation is having destructive affects/effects on your health.
He is very mentally ill and needs intensive therapy but he refuses to go that on him NOT you. Due to his sick mind he cannot help himself and you cannot either.
The only recourse you have is to remove him from your life. It won’t be easy at first but do your best to succeed.
I’m not sure how laws are in the UK about such things because I’m across the pond. I also raised a boy that was addicted to everything he did/tried….heroin being his favorite. I finally severed all contact with him because he was molesting me and I refused to endure that with all the other improper behavior..my actions were met with using the mail phone calls and internet fir his vengeful behavior. I handled it fantastically as I knew my determination to defeat him were relentless
You deserve a life without him in it He take advantage of you because he knows you have no support Once you can help yourself you can start to help your other son
You can PM me anytime sweetie..I suffer with narcolepsy spells so once I recover from them I can answer your replies
I love you, I befriend you, I support you…you’re not alone anymore hun
Praying for you Awaiting your reply.
Hugs kisses love and prayers,
EJ 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🕊🙏🌿🌸🦋🌿🌸🦋🌿🌸🦋🌿🌸🦋🌿🌸🦋
I can totally empathise with what your going through. I too have a son who suffers with paranoid schizophrenia. And I had to make some heart wrenching decisions to have him committed hospital for 3 months to get the help he needed.
Every day and night after work I would sit with him in that hospital. Every day I cried buckets. But he was sick and he needed medication. With out been medically treated those with schizophrenia can not only be a danger to others (rarely) but a bigger danger to themselves.
He was 19 then 48 now and life over those years have been far from easy for me and his stepdad . He go's through phases of thinking he's OK and doesn't need the medication .looking at him only this week I think he's going through one of these phases. So I am keeping a very close eye on him. Thankfully he as a great mental health team to support him too.
So no judgement from me and those who have to live with family who deal with mental health issues I'm sure.
It's those people who don't have a clue what there talking about that have the luxury to be able to stand back and pass judgement. Shame on them.
Unfortunately with out help and medication thing will never change and can only get worse. I am so sorry it's such a horrible situation you find yourself in xx
soooo very sorry sweetie; I didn’t know your back story about your son. You have my heartfelt sympathy for such a horrific situation. Much love to you hun.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your son, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. I hope you don't mind but I've added a link for refuge, for someone to talk to who can offer constructive advice on your situation. They know their stuff and can possibly point You in the right direction firstly for help for yourself.
Hello, I am so sad you are living with this , no one should ever judge because in life we really do not know what’s coming our way, members have posted here and some from their own experiences how hard it can be on a daily basis☹️. My late mum married young and there was a 17 year age gap before I came along , I had a lovely sister who was the kindest soul you would ever meet. In 1965 she got pregnant with her 1st boyfriend who later became her husband , going from the girl everybody knew. Things went wrong , firstly they thought it was what they called baby blues in them days , but her mental health spiraled and was put in too mental care more than once, I later found out she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I have some memories from a young child , it was heartbreaking. Can I ask have you spoken too your doctor for help and advice , you are suffering so much with your own health , has your son been in a facility too try and help him move forward. Something sooner rather than later? Please we are here too chat and listen and many families will have gone threw experiences, sending my XXXXXX too you
Hi Yassy…so very sorry about your sister. My heart goes out to you about her. My late brother had many mental health issues. My mother drank and did drugs while pregnant with him and it damaged his brain a lot. So although it’s not the same as schizophrenia it causes many similarities. I’m sending empathy hugs love and prayers. Take care hun.
Thankyou for your reply Honeybug we lost her a few years back. More her health declined. ,would give you her last penny was so kind and such a shame the pregnancy at 17 years changed into something else. So unfair your brother had too suffer threw your mothers neglect, I would never put my babies at risk, but we never know what starts someone too drink , and do drugs , I am sure no one mean s too go down that path. How are you ?lots of XXXXX coming your way
If it's any consolation my sister is adopted and everyday we are grateful for her existence in our lives. My mother was told she could never have children, this turned out to be wrong (doctors aye?) But the presence of my sister changed everything. If it weren't for people like you people like my mother would not have any hope of family.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I have a 20 year old son who sounds extremely similar. You need to contact your closest crises mental health team who you can get support from. Does he live with you? If he makes you feel unsafe you can call the police everytime he gets intimidating or violent so it's Logged and eventually this will help remove him from the house.
I think for your own sanity you must remove your son from your life, harsh i know but you say he doesn't want help so let him wallow in his own misery away from you. Sadly some people are beyond help , and as long as he's with you nothing will change, he is affecting your health greatly. You say he's been alcohol and drug dependant for 15 years and has not sought help, well ,in that case let him go. You must look after your own mental health for he is destroying you.
First of all you must get help for yourself. I have been in a similar place and in the end I just phoned my Dr and they put me in touch with the right person to help me. I am in a better place now and although I don't have many friends I do feel better in myself.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this with your son. I can't offer any more help/suggestions than others have said here. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hope that you can get support for yourself and your son soon. xx
Anyone who judges you needs to walk a mile in your shoes!
I had a similar situation with my daughter, who claims she has High Functioning Autism, probably another lie but heyho there have been many. For years I stuck up for her as I was so embarrassed by the things she was 'accused' of, rather than standing my ground and walking away earlier. She, like her father has many facets and mental health issues. She was controlling, demanding, entitled and everything that was wrong in her life was my fault. Eventually after being called everything under the sun because I refused to give in to her demands for money (some large sums), and enduring rudeness, made up stories then prank phonecalls, I stopped all contact 3 1/2yrs ago. After growing up with physically & mentally abusive parents, a mentally abusive & cheating ex husband I stopped being a people pleaser as I realised it was making me ill. If you can block your son on the phone and report to the Police if he turns up, then get them to take out an injunction against him. I consider myself to have no family, only 2 friends and the support of my 2nd husband. I now don't care what people think of me, life comes down to choices, you have to believe the relief you will feel when this abuse and toxic contact stops. Feel free to message me and I will help you. Don't live in fear or regret. Move forward knowing you have love around you from this site. 🥰🤗xxx
I don't know a single person on this planet who has the right to judge another, You did what you did for a reason and it must have been a good call as he's 44 years old now,
The other one (😠) needs a huge kick up the butt out of YOUR home followed by black bags with his clothes and shut the door on him and anyone else that wants to get involved in your life in a negative way,
I'm sorry you've had to go through this,
I know it sounds harsh, (I've been there and did NOT buy the T-shirt)
The only person you should be looking after is yourself, How dare he go behind your back with all his disgusting lies, You have every right to tell him to Chuff off and stop Chuffing getting involved and causing you so much stress,
It is absolutely your choice when and if you decide to meet, As for him saying your popping your clogs!!!!!!??????? What a Chuffing butt area (sorry it's hard not to swear when I get mad)
He is a grown man and should be living else where so you can have a life without worrying what he's going to do next!? 💩💩💩💩
I really think you should TELL (don't ask) him to go and If you have any problems with him you will call the police and ask them to get your house keys off him, He is causing you stress and you will only find yourself being more and more sick🤮
Please don't be scared,Get hold of your local carers centre and Age uk, you will be able to find different fun things to try and take your mind off goings on, You might even find friendship and extra support??
Your man baby bully needs to back the chuff up and stop being a right old royal pain in the behind,
I feel a slight fraud now because my life is a sheltered life and I prefer not to leave my house or let people in apart from a very few who I care for,
You deserve to have a life as you choose, not him, I really hope you find a way to relax and de-stress as much as you can
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I don't know what to do about work
Really feeling down!
Don't know what to do anymore?
Just don't know what to do :(
