Difficult decision

[cobweb]

hi all,I'd love to write lots of really cheery things but to be honest I feel quite rough.

I've been trying to get my act together but I take one step forward & two back!!

I think that my pain is slightly easier tonight but I'm getting a sore bum for sitting down for so long.I find it difficult to do nothing & as I can't read easily now nor do any of my hobbies, sitting, listening to music is one of the things left. But it has a real down side. When I'm inactive I think & think & worry & think a bit more. When I'm worried I need to take action, which often includes writing letters.

Hmm, I'm hoping hat I won't regret 2 letters that I've sent.

My first letter was to my GP.I began writing to her a few nights ago when I was having some really troublesome thoughts, but then I decided to explain quite how bad Fibro affects me

Hmm again.

Last night, feeling really crap I added a few more pages. This morning I wasn't sure if I should send it, but because I HAD to make myself leave my flat, I gathered up all of my courage & went to the surgery. I nearly changed my mind but popped it in the letterbox quickly. Then of course the doubts started!

That was letter one.

Just after I got back one of my sons phoned. We had a really long chat, part of which entailed him laying it on the line quite what a mug I'm being with my husband.

He pointed out how unfair it is that he lives rent free in our 4 bedroomed house (no mortgage) driving around in our car while I can't get out on my scooter anymore & can't afford taxis, so have to stay in.

There was lots of other stuff too, but it hit a chord. He was right, so this evening I wrote letter two.

The thing with this letter is that it was electronc (email) I began to doubt the wisdom of sending it, even though I made sure that I worded things carefully & got my facts right,I knew that trying to force my husband to do something wasn't a good idea. He's been very manipulative for most of our marriage & delights in making me dance to his tune, but when I walked out 5 months ago, he hated it. Not me leaving, but me doing something for myself. He'd always told me how useless I was & how I'd never cope alone & I was lucky to have him. But he was wrong.

Anyway, I won't bore you with details but I've given him a deadline to sort out our personal possessions & pay me for half the car, or I will pass it all to my solicitor

It needed to be said, we'd agreed to keep solicitors involvement to a minimum but he simply ignores polite letters, our divorce is in less than two weeks, & he wanted us to do it amicably but then does nothing!

I know that it would lead to bad feelings between us & my finger hovered over the keyboard.

( I can no longer control a mouse) & once again I tried to make the right decision but my shaking hand jerked & hit the send button. Oh well. Decision made!

Now I'm feeling a bit bad. Life has been really difficult recently, I just hope I haven't made it worse.

I want to finish on a cheerful note, but I can't think of anyting,

Oh what a misery, I think I'll fall out with myself!!!!!

Actually, a positive note...

In between sitting I cleaned & moved a large percentive of my crystal collection. They had been allowed to become in dissaray & were really looking uncared for. This has been bothering me for a while but I just couldn't do anything about it. But between yesterday afternoon & this evening I've rearranged them & they are looking much better.

I use my crystals a lot, to help me with all sorts of things but they need to be well cared for, or they don't work well. Now though, looking around my living room they look great.

Thats it, end quickly before I start on negative things again.

Hope you guys have had a reasonable day

gentle cobwebby hugs to all xxxxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hello cobwebby.

Well done you!! The first letter was a great idea. After all you have been through in the last few weeks, writing it down and actually posting it through the surgery door shows you are ready to do something positive ((((((((hugs)))))))))

Letter two/email had to be done too. Why should you sit there and suffer whilst your ex has it all. You are entitled to half of everything so go for it girl and don't you dare feel guilty because there is obviously no way he does.

Cleaning all your crystals is another positive sign too. Now they are shiny and sparkly that will star to work for you in a good way, I know they will.

Finally, draw a line under the past when you go to bed tonight. Tomorrow is a new beginning. Make an appointment with the doctor and get things moving and ring your solicitor, no putting it off. You are I titled to what is yours.

Good luck, I am so proud of you.

Big Piggie hugs xxxxx

[Hidden]

Wow Cobwebby, fantastic changes made! You are definitely heading in the right direction now, you sound so positive, it's wonderful to see! Keep at it, keep focussed, I know it's hard at times. You have done a wonderful job picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and getting back on the horse so to speak. (Perish the thought of actually getting on a horse hey!). Seriously, we are all so proud of you! What an inspiration you are today!

I hope it all goes well for you, keep at it, don't give up now! The hurdles are getting fewer. Once the divorce is over you can look to the future. Don't lose sight of what you are rightly entitled to, you put a lot into the marriage and deserve your share.

Get things in motion, keep up the momentum and soon things will settle down for you. We are all here for you, we all care for you. Please keep us in the loop and let us know how things are going for you. If there is anything we can do to help or to support you, please let us know, happy to help at any time. Bless you! Here's a hug for you (((hug))) xx

[cobweb]

thannkyou for your support, I don't think I would have got through the last few weeks without you all.

Shared hugs all round

((((((((((hug))))))))))

[Hidden in reply to cobweb]

It's our pleasure Cobwebby, we are always here for you xx

[stormwytch]

Good for you sending those letters. I know when you hit the 'send' button you always have a moment of OMG have I done the right thing but it sounds like you have done. You certainly couldn't go on like that and as for your ex - certainly sounds like you are well shut. Do you have hematite? Very good for absorbing negative energy also smokey quartz. . As its s full moon you can use this to energise your crystals too. Just place them on the window (as long as you dont have cheeky kittens like I do who would just bat them about. Good luck with the solicitors, I hope you get everything you are entitled to

Storm

[hamble99b]

good for you cobweb! I'm proud of you! your son is right to point out how easy your husband has sorted it for himself, but you deserve what you are asking for.

he won't be happy so be prepared if he rings to politely tell him you're not going to listen to... [basically any bad behaviour] he can speak to your solicitor, and hang up.

stick to your guns and good luck!

respect,

sandra.

[Ginsing]

Morning Cobweb wow I am impressed how positive to manage two letters of such magnitude. The first Brilliant how will doctors ever know what we are going through if we do not tell them. So I am so impressed and I know it will have made you feel better! The second had to be done he has no right to just run over you and keep back your share of car and house so fight for it it is yours by right. Such a positive move no regrets and then to polish and arrange your crystals well that shows you are coming along brilliantly and they will help more by being loved and if they sparkle and twinkle at you they will lift your mood today

Have a good day move forward keep smiling we are all here for you xgins

[Hidden]

Hi Cobweb, I am so glad that your son is supporting you by pointing out the unfairness of your situation. Perhaps you could use his help a bit more while you are feeling so vulnerable as clearly he can see things from your perspective. We all need to lean on someone now and then. No doubt you have helped him in the past, now you need him so don't be afraid to ask him for a bit of help in backing you up. You don't need to ask him to take sides but just support you in claiming what is rightfully yours anyway. As for the letter to your GP, just remember that they are well paid for what they do and by sending them the letter, you are enabling them to do their job in a more sympathetic and understanding way. More people should follow your lead! Stay strong and remember that we are all thinking about you!

Jane x

[SootyB]

Well done, Cobweb! Stay strong, and remember that you're only standing up for your rights with your soon-to-be ex-husband. The letter to the GP has to be a positive thing, too - follow it up with an appointment to discuss things, if you need to, and look after yourself. xx

[pottydog]

How brave you are! I love crystals too, I absolutely adore watching them in the sunshine or wondow, very calming.

I've just finished reading Michael J Fox's books about himself, I loved each one. He is so different to what I had imagined, his books are full of humour and inspiration. I especially liked his comment of, whilst much of his life with parkinsons is one step forward and two steps back, it's making that one step count that's important.

Your step was definately one you should count