Glamour - give me glamour!

Glamour - give me glamour!

I was stretched out on the sofa on Sunday, watching a bit if rubbish telly like you do, and in this one particular old film the heroine was suffering from some incurable mystery disease.

After much pale and beautiful languishing, she expired - elegantly - in the arms of the handsome leading man, who was naturally heartbroken.

I got to pondering, and it occurred to me that in films even fatal illness is always glamorous.

"Leave me, darling, and find happiness elsewhere!" whimpers the heroine, as she reclines on satin sheets, fully made-up, with no swellings, rashes, lumpy bits or unpleasant discharges.

Never in all my years as a dedicated junk-watcher have I ever heard a star say:

"Oh Henry, I can never make you happy - do try to find love with someone who doesn't suffer with haemorrhoids. I can never sit with you and watch the sunset, because I would get a pain in the bum!"

Let's face it, there are a lot of diseases which lack the glamour factor, and are seriously unsuitable for portrayal on the screen.

Amongst them are the aforementioned piles, then there's varicose veins, bunions, all kinds of abcesses, diarrhoea, swollen ankles, housemaid's knee, and a particular favourite of mine - mincer's wrist!

Blood disorders, heart disease and pneumonia are acceptable so long as the patient remains well-painted by Max factor and Co. Also anything which can be dramatically cured by a dashing surgeon in a ground-breaking and terribly dangerous operation.

So, you get the idea? Anything downright laughable, truly revolting or boring will not be given screen space, unless you're a director of that wonderful series 'Embarrassing Bodies'.

And so it is with us poor souls enduring fibromyalgia and arthritis.

We tend to be grumpy, tired and a bit vague. We can't sleep, exercise is difficult and chocolate is soothing, so I suspect most of us are a bit overweight. Smart clothes and shoes hurt, and some days it's just too much effort to put on makeup and to do our hair.

Are we glamorous? We are not!

These are some of the most boring diseases endured by mankind. I don't know about you, but I am bored with being in pain, bored with breakfasting on handfuls of painkillers, bored with not being able to work, bored with not having enough fun. Bored, Bored BORED!

Add to this the fact that doctors don't really know what to do with us. I'm not sure if anyone is racing for the Nobel Prize for discovering a cure for rheumatic diseases, but they really should be - they would give great joy to millions, but whilst there are more dramatic, life-threatening illnesses out there, they will, perhaps rightly, concentrate their efforts in these directions.

So, where does that leave us? Well, girls, keep taking the tablets, devote as many of your resources as possible to looking beautiful. Be selfish, demand hair-dos, manicures, pedicures, facials, anything you can afford, or persuade partners to pay for. Wear elegant kaftans and velvet pumps. Use perfume and makeup, throw out your scruffy bed linen and get 300 thread count Egyptian cotton (you'll sleep better!).Join Weight watchers, Slimming World, whatever does it for you.

If you up the glamour factor, you really will feel better. Expend what little energy you have on yourself, in fact, put yourself first, because sure as hell no one else will.

I realise that for financial and practical reasons, these things might seem difficult or impossible, but they're not! You just have to learn to be more self-centred and demanding. Other people do it, so why shouldn't you?

I believe it was St L'Oreal or someone who said "Remember - You're worth it!"

9 Replies

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  • hi, love your blog, couldn't have said it any better. we are worth all that and so much more, have a nice day, tc love soma xx

  • Great blog Moffy, well I am reclining on Tesco bargain bed linen, brushed my hair this morning - then had to lie down for 15 minutes to recover, still haven't taken off the make up I applied on Saturday (I think it has disappeared of its own accord - got fed up waiting) and am desperately trying to ignore the remnants of two gigantic blocks of chocolate that are in the fridge (bought to help my daughters through the time of the month lol).

    What a wonderful life of elegant luxury I lead.

    Julie xx

  • Poor you - yes, you need to concentrate on the luxury a bit more - the elegance follows naturally!

    I have some Tesco bargain bed linen as well, but I don't like it, and bit by bit am replacing it with the good stuff. It costs a bit more, but it lasts a lifetime and washes up so lovely and soft.

    Now.... if you have the energy to walk to the fridge and scoff chocolate (I can ALWAYS find the energy for that!) then you have the energy to slap a bit of cream on your face.

    You have a lovely face, so make the best of it! (gentle smacked bum!)

  • Oh, Moffy, how true? :D I got myself all togged up for my boyfriend's cousin's wedding on Saturday, and the sheer effort had me sagging on the bed - not the least bit elegantly or glamorously - whilst he fiddled with fastening his tie. There's nothing glam about breaking out in a hot sweat (no matter what the temperature), or flopping on the bed or sofa, exhausted after very little exertion, or hobbling around, singing the 'ooh, me feet' song, even in comfortable flatties! I guess we have to make our glamour wherever we can, as you so brilliantly suggested!

    Sara xx

  • Fantastic Moffy, what a great read! :)

  • This is a fab blog,(what a fantastic natural writer you are) Blog is ooooooooooooooh so true.

    A little glamour goes a long way. ( says she in her fleece pjs), Have I traded, glamour for comfort, that would be YES :)

    x x

    You have inspired me, I am in process of decorating our room so going to inject some much needed glamour.(boutique hotel kinda thing). ooo may have to part with the beloved PJs lol. X x

  • Fantastic, well said you lol. One thing you said really made me smile "Smart clothes hurt" Thank you making me better, I was beginning to think that I was the only one who felt this, mind you even some casual clothes hurt but the biggest killer of all, for me, has to be the dreaded Bra :( I slop around all day in my comfy pjs, with the wonderfully soft elastic at the waist and NO BRA, I dress only when I have too...anyone else out there with me on this one???

  • Hi 'Speedy',

    You're certainly not alone!

    Looking back, one of the first symptoms I ever had apart from achey muscles was intense sensitivity to anything rough or tight. Many years experience has taught me that soft leggings, drapey dresses, kaftans in 'luxe' fabrics and very light soft flat shoes are the only things I can wear.

    Big sloppy sweaters are good in the winter, and I have found that maternity sleep bras are a soft and comfortable option, tho' as I am not terribly well-endowed, it's easy enough to go bra-less. Buy soft cotton knickers a size or two larger - that really helps.

    I know it's tempting to slop around in 'jamas all day, but you will feel better if you can get into something soft but pretty for the day. It's all about massaging your self-esteem - it really lifts the spirits to be a bit vain sometimes!

    Someone suggested that we should market a range of super-comfy clothes for fibro sufferers. I wonder if anyone amongst us has the energy? LOL

    Best of luck, and I hope you manage to feel better soon

  • Wouldn't that be lovely super comfy clothes for fibromites, they would have to be fastenings free for the arthritic ones though. But as you say, do any of us have the energy *yawn* lol

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