I was stretched out on the sofa on Sunday, watching a bit if rubbish telly like you do, and in this one particular old film the heroine was suffering from some incurable mystery disease.
After much pale and beautiful languishing, she expired - elegantly - in the arms of the handsome leading man, who was naturally heartbroken.
I got to pondering, and it occurred to me that in films even fatal illness is always glamorous.
"Leave me, darling, and find happiness elsewhere!" whimpers the heroine, as she reclines on satin sheets, fully made-up, with no swellings, rashes, lumpy bits or unpleasant discharges.
Never in all my years as a dedicated junk-watcher have I ever heard a star say:
"Oh Henry, I can never make you happy - do try to find love with someone who doesn't suffer with haemorrhoids. I can never sit with you and watch the sunset, because I would get a pain in the bum!"
Let's face it, there are a lot of diseases which lack the glamour factor, and are seriously unsuitable for portrayal on the screen.
Amongst them are the aforementioned piles, then there's varicose veins, bunions, all kinds of abcesses, diarrhoea, swollen ankles, housemaid's knee, and a particular favourite of mine - mincer's wrist!
Blood disorders, heart disease and pneumonia are acceptable so long as the patient remains well-painted by Max factor and Co. Also anything which can be dramatically cured by a dashing surgeon in a ground-breaking and terribly dangerous operation.
So, you get the idea? Anything downright laughable, truly revolting or boring will not be given screen space, unless you're a director of that wonderful series 'Embarrassing Bodies'.
And so it is with us poor souls enduring fibromyalgia and arthritis.
We tend to be grumpy, tired and a bit vague. We can't sleep, exercise is difficult and chocolate is soothing, so I suspect most of us are a bit overweight. Smart clothes and shoes hurt, and some days it's just too much effort to put on makeup and to do our hair.
Are we glamorous? We are not!
These are some of the most boring diseases endured by mankind. I don't know about you, but I am bored with being in pain, bored with breakfasting on handfuls of painkillers, bored with not being able to work, bored with not having enough fun. Bored, Bored BORED!
Add to this the fact that doctors don't really know what to do with us. I'm not sure if anyone is racing for the Nobel Prize for discovering a cure for rheumatic diseases, but they really should be - they would give great joy to millions, but whilst there are more dramatic, life-threatening illnesses out there, they will, perhaps rightly, concentrate their efforts in these directions.
So, where does that leave us? Well, girls, keep taking the tablets, devote as many of your resources as possible to looking beautiful. Be selfish, demand hair-dos, manicures, pedicures, facials, anything you can afford, or persuade partners to pay for. Wear elegant kaftans and velvet pumps. Use perfume and makeup, throw out your scruffy bed linen and get 300 thread count Egyptian cotton (you'll sleep better!).Join Weight watchers, Slimming World, whatever does it for you.
If you up the glamour factor, you really will feel better. Expend what little energy you have on yourself, in fact, put yourself first, because sure as hell no one else will.
I realise that for financial and practical reasons, these things might seem difficult or impossible, but they're not! You just have to learn to be more self-centred and demanding. Other people do it, so why shouldn't you?
I believe it was St L'Oreal or someone who said "Remember - You're worth it!"