Worn out

[Africanmonkey]

I am a carer for a man who is bed ridden 24 7 unless I get him out of bed for his exercise . He was supposed to be going to a care home for a rest for 2 weeks to give me a rest as he is burning me out, but now he has decided not to go and he is addement. He thinks he will have to stay in bed for 2 weeks but he has been reassured by his social worker and the home but No he is not going. So now me and my wife are sat here waiting for the ambulance to come so he can tell them he is not going. All the time we have spent arranging this and for nothing. I am in chronic pain all over my body just now as he has had me lifting him in ways that cause pain but he is not bothered about me aslong as he gets what he wants.

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee]

With fibro you need to be able to say no to others and yourself. This is part of pacing. Without knowing your situation I would be inclined to take your break for your own sanity and health.

[Africanmonkey in reply to desquinn]

We are trying to get him to give us a break but even social services can't get through to him. So his worker and my wife and I are arranging for care workers to come in and take our place for 2 weeks

[jules51 in reply to desquinn]

hi

1 you shouldn’t be ‘lifting’

2 if you’ve booked to go away and your not going to change it he will have to arrange something else where he has care.

3. The more you move this person unconventionally the more he will expect it and your back and body is yours for a very long time to come and you don’t want to cause damage to yourself so you’ve gotta suffer into old age.

4. If the person has family speak to them (that’s if you’re not his family).

Good luck

[Janettewhitelaw in reply to jules51]

is it not supposed to be two people if you’ve to get someone out of bed and they can put a hoist in to lift him in and out of bed I would ask to speak my boss and tell her hes to for 1 person you cant get him out log bed yourself

[Africanmonkey in reply to Janettewhitelaw]

We have been round the world and back again trying to sort this out. But he has a hoist and harness a brand new chair but still won't us them as if we use the hoist and harness he can't do his exercise and that's the only reason we get him out of bed. He was a supposed to be going to a care home for a rest bite yesterday but when the transport came he sent them away.. He wasn't sure if he would be getting out of the bed while he was there. So now we are back at stage 1 trying to get someone to come in for 2 weeks to give us a break

[CheetieCat in reply to Africanmonkey]

Hi Africanmonkey, just wondering how this man can't do his exercises if you use the hoist? I'm assuming you would be hoisting him from bed to wheelchair? How and where does he exercise when you don't use the hoist?

[Africanmonkey in reply to CheetieCat]

His exercise is sat in his chair, then I put his feet onto the peddles of his machine and it takes him for a cycle ride as though he is peddling. If he is in the hoist he can't get his legs to the peddles. That's his only exercise. He says it builds his muscles up but it's all in his head. Even the Dr says it is no longer any good

[CheetieCat in reply to Africanmonkey]

Don't understand. You use the hoist only to transfer? So once he's in wheelchair the footplates can either be removed or pushed to the side allowing access for exercise. Please don't think I'm being rude but you really need to undertake some basic training before you hurt yourself or someone else.

[Africanmonkey in reply to CheetieCat]

It's not the foot plates that are the problem. He is really to small for the harness so once he is in the chair the part of the harness that goes between his legs is in the way.My wife and I know the correct way to do things but it all has to be done his way. Tonight he will have to use the hoist if he wants to get out as I am tired now, but only due to me in my garden.

Everyone knows what he is like and nobody gets a chance to do anything the correct way.

[TinyTin]

I looked after a man for a year and now have a very bad back and muscle pains which I didn't have before. The man I care for didn't want to go into a care home and played on my good nature. He is now settled elsewhere very happily and I am left in pain with a body that won't put up with much.

If I had my time again, I wouldn't put myself through this!

[Africanmonkey]

Thank you for the reply, I think I am in the same situation as you were, I have a caring attitude but he has taken things to far. If I really got a wage I wouldn't mind to much but my wife gets paid and I get 1 weeks pay for the month. This is all the council give him. We have tried many ways to get a resalution but they won't give. More and he won't back down. The only good thing is we are both going to get everything when he dies including the house. But just now we are trying to sort out rest bite so we can have 2 weeks off

[Purplebluebell]

You need to think about the rest of your life and how disabled you are going to be with the injuries sustained from incorrect lifting.

Not a good thing to broadcast that you are going to inherit when this man dies. How is that ethical? It also ties you in emotionally to continue working for him even though he clearly doesn't care.

Modern slavery is a thing you know, it does exist. Ask yourself is this happening to you?

The police can help you. Don't let this continue.