Worn out

[Africanmonkey]

I am a carer for a man who is bed ridden 24 7 unless I get him out of bed for his exercise . He was supposed to be going to a care home for a rest for 2 weeks to give me a rest as he is burning me out, but now he has decided not to go and he is addement. He thinks he will have to stay in bed for 2 weeks but he has been reassured by his social worker and the home but No he is not going. So now me and my wife are sat here waiting for the ambulance to come so he can tell them he is not going. All the time we have spent arranging this and for nothing. I am in chronic pain all over my body just now as he has had me lifting him in ways that cause pain but he is not bothered about me aslong as he gets what he wants.

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee]

With fibro you need to be able to say no to others and yourself. This is part of pacing. Without knowing your situation I would be inclined to take your break for your own sanity and health.

[Africanmonkey in reply to desquinn]

We are trying to get him to give us a break but even social services can't get through to him. So his worker and my wife and I are arranging for care workers to come in and take our place for 2 weeks

[jules51 in reply to desquinn]

hi

1 you shouldn’t be ‘lifting’

2 if you’ve booked to go away and your not going to change it he will have to arrange something else where he has care.

3. The more you move this person unconventionally the more he will expect it and your back and body is yours for a very long time to come and you don’t want to cause damage to yourself so you’ve gotta suffer into old age.

4. If the person has family speak to them (that’s if you’re not his family).

Good luck

[Janettewhitelaw in reply to jules51]

is it not supposed to be two people if you’ve to get someone out of bed and they can put a hoist in to lift him in and out of bed I would ask to speak my boss and tell her hes to for 1 person you cant get him out log bed yourself

[Africanmonkey in reply to Janettewhitelaw]

We have been round the world and back again trying to sort this out. But he has a hoist and harness a brand new chair but still won't us them as if we use the hoist and harness he can't do his exercise and that's the only reason we get him out of bed. He was a supposed to be going to a care home for a rest bite yesterday but when the transport came he sent them away.. He wasn't sure if he would be getting out of the bed while he was there. So now we are back at stage 1 trying to get someone to come in for 2 weeks to give us a break

[CheetieCat in reply to Africanmonkey]

Hi Africanmonkey, just wondering how this man can't do his exercises if you use the hoist? I'm assuming you would be hoisting him from bed to wheelchair? How and where does he exercise when you don't use the hoist?

[Africanmonkey in reply to CheetieCat]

His exercise is sat in his chair, then I put his feet onto the peddles of his machine and it takes him for a cycle ride as though he is peddling. If he is in the hoist he can't get his legs to the peddles. That's his only exercise. He says it builds his muscles up but it's all in his head. Even the Dr says it is no longer any good

[CheetieCat in reply to Africanmonkey]

Don't understand. You use the hoist only to transfer? So once he's in wheelchair the footplates can either be removed or pushed to the side allowing access for exercise. Please don't think I'm being rude but you really need to undertake some basic training before you hurt yourself or someone else.

[Africanmonkey in reply to CheetieCat]

It's not the foot plates that are the problem. He is really to small for the harness so once he is in the chair the part of the harness that goes between his legs is in the way.My wife and I know the correct way to do things but it all has to be done his way. Tonight he will have to use the hoist if he wants to get out as I am tired now, but only due to me in my garden.

Everyone knows what he is like and nobody gets a chance to do anything the correct way.

[CheetieCat in reply to Africanmonkey]

The sling should be easy to remove from between his legs, the whole sling can be taken away once he's in the chair and added again when he needs to transfer. He's totally taking the p*** and you are both allowing it.

If the sling is too big then he needs to be reassessed by OT or whoever provided the hoist & sling.

If you both know the correct way then you need to stand your ground and start doing it the correct way.

You do realise if something were to go wrong YOU and your WIFE will be the ones in court trying to explain why you didn't.

NOBODY will have your back saying aw it's ok, he didn't want to use the hoist or it's ok he didn't like it done that way.

I cannot stress this enough, You are both wide open here.

As a registered social care worker I have to constantly train to keep my registration and pay it every year.

I'm really concerned about your situation. You're also wide open to allegations of financial abuse.

There is an absent sister but she is family and family overrides carers however well meaning they are.

If you don't want to take my advice, please speak to social services, citizens advice, local authority community care just please take advice.

[TinyTin]

I looked after a man for a year and now have a very bad back and muscle pains which I didn't have before. The man I care for didn't want to go into a care home and played on my good nature. He is now settled elsewhere very happily and I am left in pain with a body that won't put up with much.

If I had my time again, I wouldn't put myself through this!

[Africanmonkey]

Thank you for the reply, I think I am in the same situation as you were, I have a caring attitude but he has taken things to far. If I really got a wage I wouldn't mind to much but my wife gets paid and I get 1 weeks pay for the month. This is all the council give him. We have tried many ways to get a resalution but they won't give. More and he won't back down. The only good thing is we are both going to get everything when he dies including the house. But just now we are trying to sort out rest bite so we can have 2 weeks off

[Dizzytwo in reply to Africanmonkey]

May I ask are you and this man related ? You say you get everything when he dies even his house ? Have you seen a will leaving everything to you or is this just word of mouth ? Does this man have no other family or next of kin ? If so they may be the ones entitled to to his home etc.

Something just sounds off to me about how you and your wife are been used as carers with this carrot of been left everything dangled in front of you.

I do think I would be looking more closely into all these promises if I was you. 🤔

[Africanmonkey in reply to Dizzytwo]

The will was done in front of us so we know what is going on and he has a sister but we are not to tell her anything about his life and nobody knows were she lives now

[Purplebluebell]

You need to think about the rest of your life and how disabled you are going to be with the injuries sustained from incorrect lifting.

Not a good thing to broadcast that you are going to inherit when this man dies. How is that ethical? It also ties you in emotionally to continue working for him even though he clearly doesn't care.

Modern slavery is a thing you know, it does exist. Ask yourself is this happening to you?

The police can help you. Don't let this continue.

[Africanmonkey in reply to Purplebluebell]

We have sorted him out now. We are just using the sling and hoist from now on

[Debsdelight72]

I urge you Africanmonkey

to put your foot down before it's too late, When I was doing some part time caring I'd be helping a friend out,

I was on the books and put a gentleman in his hoist to move him out of his so called room, Harry blooming Potter had bigger under the stairs,

Almost out, the hoist started to swing and without thinking ,I reached through to stop him banging against the door way! If I'd thought about it I wouldn't have done it!!!!!

I couldn't stand up the next day, Hubby took me up to the local A&E, I had torn my thorax (soz spelling naff) muscle all the way from my left shoulder running down beside my spine and across the top of my butt,

I lost so much wages, My Hubby thought we should look into speaking to someone at the CAB , They advised me to put a claim in to one of those Accident at work?? peoples,

What also made me cross and to go through and make a claim was the fact no-one from work asked me if I was okay! No-one even gave me a quick call,

I couldn't even work on the buses either, I tried and every time I tried to steer the pain was just too much.

After all the messing around I was offered and was told it was a generous offer,

3000 pounds meant I could catch up with some bills but that soon ran out and Hubby had to do a lot of overtime, 3000 p is not worth me waking up not knowing if I will be able get out of bed or not!! ( Aswell as Fibro)

Do you live in? I just ask because if you do it can get tricky, You must put your foot down!

No If's, buts or coconuts!!!! If not for his health but yours too,

Sorry I can't advice you to do something other than to think of yourself, Who will care for you??

Just tell him straight up, you need a rest and your taking it weather he likes it or not!

Take care Debs

[Africanmonkey in reply to Debsdelight72]

Thanks Deb, we are getting some one else to come in for 2 weeks and again today I will not be getting him out of bed for his exercise. I am to tired and in pain.

[Midori]

Personally, I think there's some strangeness going on with him saying You'll inherit the house, but not to say anything to the sister. The rules on inheritance can be tricky, depending where your live ; I'm in The UK. Sometimes a blood relative can have a will overturned if it is thought that carers manipulated the patient to be put in the Will.

Please take care, also it would be a good idea to follow what Cheetie Cat said about hoists etc.

Cheers, Midori

[Africanmonkey in reply to Midori]

We have