Feeling sorry for myself

[Cally2022]

Well yesterday me and the hubby went to a family party. Now these family parties are always great. Lots of alcohol, food, laughing and dancing. But lastnight was different….. hubby was with the fellas watching the boxing while the women were on the kitchen, music was bursting out the speakers and all the women went into the garden for a dance, except for me, I sat in the kitchen for about 40 minutes on my own, feeling sorry for myself thinking of how I used to be the one dancing around the garden laughing and drinking with the others, bouncing on the bouncy castle generally having a ball but instead I was sat in the kitchen like Billy no mates wanting to go home. Is this how my life is going to be. I’m a nurse and have been for 15 years but haven’t been able to work since August 2021, so I’m not getting a wage. Just had my first payment of ESA £145.00 ish and have a PIP Assessment on 27th April, I’m 53 feeling like I’m 103….is this it now…is this what I have to lol forward to for the rest of my life

Sorry for the moan and don’t want to bring other people down but I just wanted to get that off my chest x

[glochessum]

That’s so sad to hear, I’m afraid we have to make the best of the cards we’ve been dealt. They’ll be good days and bad. Sadly we have to find a way to adapt and make the most of things. Sending hugs.

[Cally2022 in reply to glochessum]

Thank you Glochessum, guess I got a lot to learn about this fibromyalgia, I was only diagnosed In January of this year xx Sending hugs back your way x

[Onedaymore1]

Hi Cally2022, I for one understand and can relate to how your feeling at the moment. I’ve been there at family,friends,work getogethers thinking the same is this my life now stuck on the sidelines (for me thinking “ An unpredictable fat, unfit, fibro, CFS, Menopausal, Tinnitus, spotty mess, with nothing new to say or contribute physically or socially”. Thankfully 😅 I can usually keep y feelings in a box put away in my mind somewhere but the hinges and lock are failing through time & it does open sometimes and everything falls out 🤷‍♀️😩. I honestly don’t have any real answer or Magic wand but I can say I have felt like you felt many times. It’s like mourning your lost previous life. A CBT councillor once told me to go forward being a different and NEW you now. I honestly tried but everyone dear to me are still their OLD self!! I gave up CBT. These past few weeks as spring has sprung I feel it more as you naturally want to do more, family and friends start to plan more so it can be a stark reminder of how your chronic illness affects your life. I sincerely hope that it was no more than just a particularly bad day and that you feel more settled as the week goes on 💕

[Makie-Uppie in reply to Onedaymore1]

“ An unpredictable fat, unfit, fibro, CFS, Menopausal, Tinnitus, spotty mess, with nothing new to say or contribute physically or socially”.Sounds like my kind of girl/fella/transgender/non-binary/Oh! lord person😀

[Grassisgreener]

Hi Cally, I can emphasise with you and have been searching for a solution to watching the world whizz by with loved ones enjoying themselves whilst I sit on the sidelines and have come up with a temporary plan. I have been to tired or in too much pain to go to my good friends funeral, my nieces wedding, and numerous Christmas and Easter gatherings. It is sole destroying having been the life and soul of the party for years.

I have a Christening this weekend for two baby girls and my daughter is a Godparent. We are a five hour drive away and so we had booked hotels midway there and back. I am hopeful but doubt I will get there. As a backup my husband has contacted the vicar who has agreed to the service being live 'what's app' so I can share the moment. Afterwards I can catch up with as many as I can manage via the same method. It won't be same but better than missing out.

I think this may be my future, not ideal but I have to adapt and accept change.

I can't say I will not be jealous of family members going without me but have to suck that up, after all its me that has health issues not them.

My husband has pointed out how much cheaper it will be to buy a new phone with better picture quality than umpteen outfits, shoes and bags I will only wear once... Not helpful but he meant well.

We are now looking at a birthday celebration via the same method..think back to 2020 and socially distancing events.

This may not work for all, and even with planned events I know I may not be up to it but life must go on and friends have promised to make photobooks for me as a fall back

I have Fibromyalgia, Bipolar, Asthma, Menieres Disease, Arthritis, Neuropathy in both feet and Diviculitis. It's a far cry from the fun loving, active person I was a few years ago. I have had to give up work, awarded ESA for contributions paid until November then no financial assistance. I am to young for a pension and can kiss goodbye to Pips having had my assessment two weeks ago on a rare but welcomed good day. I explained this to the assessor who was nonplussed. On the bright side my husband has proudly informed me secured two bottles of cooking oil. 😂

[Onedaymore1 in reply to Grassisgreener]

🤩 go hubby! Good to see that you have not lost your sense of humour 😂

[Cally2022 in reply to Grassisgreener]

Hi Grassisgreener, I suppose virtual parties would be great but there’s nothing like the real thing. For the christening you’re going to, don’t think about the long drive, just think how much of a beautiful day you’ll have and that you’ll be part of the babie’s christenings and yes (hubby) a phone might be cheaper then umpteen outfits etc but you can’t look good or feel good wearing a phone 🤣🤣….now I’ve had an insight to how (house) parties could be for me for the future I will make sure , although at the minute I don’t know how, but I’ll make sure I won’t be left out and feeling like Billy no mates … Hope you get to the christening…..

I have just started getting ESA, I’ve had two payments and I have the dreaded PIP assessment in the morning….not looking forward to it at all. I only have ESA at the moment as I am not working due to the fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis , I’m a nurse and feel that I am not able to nurse safely due to,pain, fatigue and restricted movement.

xx big hugs xx

[Makie-Uppie]

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself and even have a good moan. I hear a good cry helps too. I spent 3 hours on the bathroom floor last night, got down but getting up was a different matter. I almost had a good cry about that instead I got all red and angry which was a total waste of energy, and not a drink in sight.

[Cally2022 in reply to Makie-Uppie]

Hi Marie-Uppie, I think moaning, crying and feeling sorry for one’s self should become a paid occupation…I for one would be on overtime all the time….. nowadays I wouldn’t attempt to get down on the floor as I’d never be able to get back up meself….crane or no crane 😂 … sending a hug your way xx

[Makie-Uppie in reply to Cally2022]

While your doing your overtime if you look closely you will find me brushing the floor in my slippers, that is unless my moggies have not nicked them.

[sunnysanie]

Awww I'm feeling your pain here😭❤I've gone from party animal on a night out to watching the bags and coats and making sure people get out of the gutter and into the chip shop!a change of purpose I call it,now I'm agony aunt,confidential secret collector,water drinker,chip shop and taxi hailer representative😝❤

The negative side is it takes ages to get used to that when you like a cider or six!😎but positives include secret in-depth convos with tipsy people,clearer skin for all the water drinking,less trips to the loo,no empty cider calories, night out costing you zero usually,no waiting at the bar as people keep bringing you water etc,not having to buy a round 😍looking nice all evening as you can touch up your make up without leaning over the sink trying to see and soaking the front of your clothing🤦

No next day regrets and losing a day to hangovers as we feel like we have one anyway🤦👎🍾🍾🍹

At first I felt like I had really lost something and beat myself up about it but I've evolved to someone else,you adapt your limits😓👍

I really hope you are feeling better and please message me if you feel the need👍🤔👍🌈

[Cally2022 in reply to sunnysanie]

Thank you Sunnysanie… I can deffo see the good points….I’m just not used to being the party pooper and i know eventually I will learn to adapt, it’s just Saturday night made me realise I’m not the person I used to be and I need to learn the ‘new’ me and I will over time.I’ve only been on this site for a couple of weeks and everybody is so lovely, it’s nice to know there’s people out there who fully understand the reason we are the way we are and show total empathy to each other. Sending big hug your way xxx

[sunnysanie]

Thanks for the hug but not too hard as it's too sore!😝Instead of on your feet dancing I do chair dancing,it's the way to show your having a good time while out sitting round a table,busting moves from the waist up,old fashioned rave poses and shoulder shimmy and little do they know your trying to break out some of the stiffness in your back and numbness in your fingers at the same time as heel raise exercises under the table as you have been sitting still in a booth for a half hour seizing up ☝

Don't forget to whack on a heat patch above your bottom in case of bum bone spasms etc🤦😝

Gentle virtual hugs San😸