Having a big wobble :( feeling sorry for myself and peed off at fibro :(Sorry for the rant!

Well, I've decided that no matter how strong I am, no matter how much I say fibro won't affect me, no matter how much I push myself....fibro has well and truly got a hold of my life.

I'm really struggling at college, my exams are coming up and yet my brain just won't take the information anymore. I was always really good at exams but since this has got me, my brain is in danger of shrivelling up into a prune :(

I'm starting to doubt whether I can actually manage uni. So many people have faith in me, and are behind me but I don't know if I can actually do it. I have dreamt of teaching for so long, but what if I can never teach? What if the fibro means I can never achieve that dream? I will have worked so hard to study for so many years for nothing.

I'm just feeling really crappy. My last essay has been passed back to me because of the referencing (the newest drain on my energy) and I just cried and cried. I got so upset, and decided to walk home to clear my head. I cried most of the way, and now I'm in so much pain :( I knew as soon as I got home that I shouldn't have walked. It's about a 40 min walk, but team that with the fact I had my coat on (was a really hot day) and a really heavy rucksack and it was a spell for disaster. Before this happened, I always walked to and from college and now I can barely move. My eldest had to take the little one to school today because the thought of walking made me want to scream.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it out to people who understand. My friends and family are brilliant but I don't need 'you can do it' or 'don't be silly, you will walk this' I need someone who understands that it isn't that easy. It isn't as easy as just getting on with it and pushing through. The harder I push, the more fibro wants to bring me down. I don't think I have the energy to push anymore. I struggled to open a carton of milk this morning because unscrewing the lid hurt my hands. I have two almost black eyes from wiping the tears away when I was crying. This is madness, black eyes from wiping them....it's ridiculous.

Rant over....for now!

5 Replies

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  • I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Studying with children is hard enough, but add in Fibro and it can be a real challenge.

    Fibro doesn't have to take over though. Talk to your GP about working out more effective treatments. Treating the non-restorative sleep of Fibro more effectively could possibly help your brain-fog as well as the physical pain and exhaustion.

    Pacing as a parent or student can be extra hard, but if you ask for extra help it will be easier to do what you need to do and not push yourself into flares. Your Uni should have a Disability office and they may be able to help. Also, make sure your tutor is aware of your condition.

    Good luck!

  • Thanks :) I'm currently on tramadol which is about as much use as smarties! I'm waiting for my throat swabs to come back and then I will make an appointment with my GP.

  • I am so sorry for you its bad enough when you get older and

    you get fibro but you have all the best years ahead of you

    years when you should be having fun

    go to your GP

  • I understand all of your worries, facing up to the fact that you may not be able to manage something is very important as you have to be realistic, there is a very fine balance between giving up and pushing yourself too far. For a start nothing you learned or did before is wasted, at least you did it. Get as much help and support as possible, do things for yourself and not for other people. Take breaks when you need them (hard I know) if you don't you only burn out. Maybe you could break down some of the course work, or find a way around it. If it doesn't work out, I hope you'll find something that will make you content. Good luck with everything.

  • as others have said, you've taken on a tough gig - studying and being a parent at the same time. anyone's limits are going to be stretched by such responsibilities, and adding fibro into the mix means that your support network and planning are very important. you are physically and emotionally drained, used to being the care-giver as well as carving out a hoped-for career path for yourself.

    can the uni do more to help you? can they extend deadlines? can they arranged for exams to be done at a time or in conditions that better suit you? can yr family assist more regularly with physical tasks where your younger child is concerned? are you getting enough sleep and enough vitamins? how old is your older child? can they perhaps do more to assist mum? (I was an only child but still expected to do my share from an early age!) can you perhaps team up with another mother to share school run duties?

    meanwhile, please don't stress yourself about possibly not being able to follow your teaching hopes. just focus on today and tomorrow, a few challenges at a time. teachers are always sought after and no doubt you will be able to fulfill that career in due course but in a modified way. so let the future take care of itself and just focus on the here and now. what do you need to get thru today?

    good luck with your exams. try and summarise key points onto some prompt cards. take your meds and make sure you're hydrated. btw, will they allow you to type exam responses rather than have to hold a pen for hours at a time?

    sending you hugs xx