I drove home to my parents this evening, its only an hour drive. But it was horrendous. I had pins and needles in my legs, stabbing pain in my back, shoulders and neck, every light was hurting my eyes, I was so tired. But I got back in one piece and am now planning on starting on some uni work, I have 5 text books, 6 plastic wallets on notes and 2 folders of notes. Hopefully this weekend I will get something done.
I have come to my parents fo the first time for a long time without my boyfriend, I usually come with him because my parents and sister stress me out, However my boyfriend has been moaning alot recently about how little I do around the house and it's really upsetting me, so I think some time apart might be good for us. Even though we barely see each other anyways as he works alot, I think he needs some time without me to destress as I know I just add on top of his stress. We were arguing over text earlier and it upset but then he surprised me and came home and apologised and generally made me smile. Remembering those moments are what I need to do, though it's making me miss him alot right now. I've only slept a handful of days without him since the day we started talking. That sounds like I'm a slut, but don't worry nothing happened to start off with. He can be such a gentle, romantic, kind man. I worry sometimes that my condition with force that out of him, as it is very stressful. I said to him earlier when he asked me why I don't do that much housework: 'I have an idea, you swap with me for one week, no let's just say one day, and experience what it's like to live your life in pain while completely exhausted' The moment I sent it I felt guilty, because I know he appreciates that I struggle but he just needs recognition that it's not easy for him holding down a full time job, trying to open a business, looking after our house and me. But I feel so guilty and upset when he is so stressed.
Anyways, Sorry for the ramble. My parents were in a good mood tonight which made me smile. We spoke about doctors and stuff, and dad said if I couldn't get treated properly for fibromyalgia on the NHS and I needed to go to the private clinic then they'd find a way, as well as they might start paying for my phone bill and going to get me a prescription thing. Mum said she's pay for a lawyer for my DLA appeal but I said not to bother lol. I love my parents. Dad got very protective over me. My sister will be back tomorrow morning, and she is much more of a handful. But I'm gonna try and be less mothering and more sisterly (My mum moved out for a while when I was younger and my dad worked all hours so I looked after her alot and when mum came back she was ill and never really stepped properly back in that role so I've always continued, I helped her apply for uni, I got her all her jobs she's ever had etc.etc.) And I just wanna have a normal sister relationship with her now, But I'm not very good at letting go of control.
My boyfriend pointed out that I am very OCD, I have this habit in the car to check the car lights, in a 5 minute journey I could check it up to 20 times. Amusing 
I also can't leave things spelt wrong when I'm typing, I know my grammar isn't very good, but I don't like spellings mistakes when I notice them.
Anyways, Hope everyone is ok. I have procrastinated for long enough.
Quick note: Does anybody take stimulant tablets - i.e ritalin - during the day? Read somewhere earlier a suggestion for Fibro patients.
feeling useless and hurt
just want to get away
So distressed & feeling a failure
Worried Boyfriend is starting to resent my health issues. 
Not a question just a , I don't know what 
