Does anyone else feel alone? Losing friends? Trouble maintaining relationships?
I have three children and recently separated from my long-term partner. I feel my life is looking after my children and managing my symptoms! There isn't much time left for friends or relationships.
Lots of my friends don't really understand my condition so I feel like maybe unconsciously I avoid them! we just don't have the same things in common anymore. Chatting with them, hearing about their full lives often leaves me feeling crap about my life.
I don't want to feel like that, I want to be happy that they're happy! But mostly I'm envious of what they can do I can't 🙁
Gosh that sounds awful, I'm hoping it's something that will pass ... maybe as I learn to accept my diagnosis.
Anyway would be grateful to know how you will struggle with relationships, that's if you do?
Thanks X
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Strongshell3
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Separation /divorce is really stressful, a type of grief, and that will take a lot out of you, using up huge amounts of emotional energy. It will get easier in time though. It is a time you need to have friends you can rely on. I'm trying to think back to when I divorced at 26, 2 young children, and my family were useless, quite nasty to me, but friends and one cousin were supportive.
For a while you will need to use your energy to look after yourself and your children. Maybe invite one friend at a time around for the evening, in your home. I think in that way you have the right to guide the conversation how you want !
Look after number 1 and the children- you're important.
Some people say that they would rather there partner had died than have just left , would make it easier to get over ,they could grieve and get over it better suzey. X
I can understand that. Although my ex drives me mad at times 😬 I wouldn't wish him dead!
It is definitely a rejection. The most frustrating thing is that he wil never admit its because of my condition! He will blame everything else. At first he had an issue with me asking him to do anymore than what he was doing but when we were breaking up the excuse was the way I treated him.
If you unpicked anything he was saying it all related back to what I couldn't do or my mood because I was struggling to look after 3 children with needs & had no external support! Everything came back to fibromyalgia and my symptoms.
I used to be made to feel like I was playing a victim. Which I wasn't or am not. I just wanted understanding and help.
The saddest thing is that our separation has meant that he has the kids more, I get more time to rest (manage my symptoms) overall just such a better balance for me. Just so sad it wasn't possible with us being together as a family 🙁 Xx
I feel bad all the time asking other half to do anything for as luck would have it he works away all week only comes home week-ends I think if he was home all week I don't think we would be together now .they will never understand how we feel ,and what we do feel I think is a women thing I don't think men would feel the same as we do Suzey
Hi Strongshell3, I feel you are on the way to moving on by your own words of accepting your condition. next step is to write down how your condition affects you in basic terms, hand it to your friends for a read ( I've tried verbally but it didn't work) and see if it helps them understand. You never know, you may get offers of help.
Thanks you for your reply. I am part of lots of WhatsApp groups. Most of which I never reply too because I'm either busy looking after my children or too exhausted. I often feel that Friends will think I'm being rude for not replying.
So I was considering sending a message with more detail regarding my condition and the affect it has on my life. It's something I'm a bit hesitant in doing because I don't want to see more week or like I'm asking for pity. I know that's not the case, I think anyone diagnosed with fibromyalgia is super strong 💪🏻 But it's not necessarily how others may see it. Either way, I think you're right and I will definitely send that message 😀
Hi, have you thought about maybe joining a local fibromyalgia support group, I think most of them tend to meet once a month for a couple of hours (perhaps a friend or family member could look after your children for a little while) . That way you can chat to others who understand how you feel and learn about ways to handle this condition. You sound as if you are doing well to manage your symptoms, but unfortunately it is very difficult to explain to others how it affects your life.
There is a list of contacts for support group s on the fmauk.org website, or you could try "googling" fibromyalgia support group in your area, or maybe your doctor or local hospital have information.
It really sounds like you are grieving for your "old" life, which is only natural. But you are doing an amazing job looking after your children, so it is important that you put yourself first. Maybe treat yourself to something special once a week so that you have something to look forward to (pamper yourself), because I was always guilty of putting everyone else first, and never having any time or energy left for myself!
And of course, we are all here to chat and listen! Take care xxx
Thank you for your reply. I have visited the fibromyalgia support group but sometimes tricky getting there with childcare etc.
I think you've hit the nail on the head, by saying I'm grieving for my old life!
It's difficult... up until recently I was able to still do most things I enjoyed but less frequently. I could cope with that!! However nowadays I'm struggling to do the basics so there's not much time left for enjoyment.
I like your idea of pampering myself or treating myself to something new every week 😀 Xx
Quite. I do work but struggle. I have friends. They don't come see me much. More me to see them. Some live ten minutes away and won't drive or walk although I have this illness, don't drive and sonetimes walk to theirs. Lost my partner three months ago, no bio kids so yes.
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I am afraid I don't have any ideas that would help. Like yourself my friends have disappeared and any relationship I have been in have been killed by our Fun Filled Friend Fibro.
Hoping today finds you a little better than yesterday.
It's a comfort to know that others have experienced the same with friends/ relationships.
Thankfully we have this site to share our experiences and make connections.
I'm feeling stronger today but after a small trip to the shops, or should I say , 1 shop 😩 I'm now wrecked laying on the sofa. On the positive side ..... at least I'll save myself some money 😀
Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I hope your feeling well today
I have no friends now only my2 sons my hubbie mother and daughter in law. I think I stay because my dog is a mammies girl and she would fret if I wasn't here
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