Divorce..final..heartache unfinished..trust gone

I am so lost. After 25 years I don't know what to do, where's the script? They say, "Do what YOU want". I don't know what I want. "What makes YOU happy" I don't..know. My mind's blank. I think..hard. What DOES make me happy?? "What do you ENJOY doing?" I feel my heart race, my breathing starts getting deeper..I'm starting to panic! The tears roll down my face, slowly at first, then faster, I can't breathe. I don't know who I am. My children are grown & busy. I believed I would be growing old with someone who loved me as much as I loved them. Someone to enjoy the Gram & Grampa years..I was a naive young girl with simple dreams who was a romantic & an artist. What am I now?

My whole body hurts as if I've been pushed out of a third story window. This wasn't how it was suppose to end. Tonight is a bad night. Meanwhile the ex is off on his newly purchased motorcycle.. visiting his old friends (who he never in 25 years introduced me to)..acting 25, and I want to scream! NOT CRY! not let him continue to hurt me! Arghhhh!!! Ignore me people! I think I have lost my mind!

Last edited by

58 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • You are still that person!

    I do feel for you and you must feel lost. It's not going to be easy and I think you'll have to take baby steps. I wouldn't rush anything.

    Do you have friends?

    Maybe if you go on the web you might find a group or WI you...

  • You are a person who has gone through a particularly stressful time and cannot yet see a way forward. There is nothing wrong with that and you must not be so hard on yourself. There is no rule that says you have to be jolly and busy all the time.

    Firstly you need to get back a bit of self confidence, hold your head high. Don't put yourself under pressure that you HAVE to do something or you MUST enjoy yourself. Let it happen naturally. It could be sitting out on a warm day just watching the world go by, going to lunch or the cinema with a friend, helping out at the local volunteering group. It can be as diverse and interesting as you want to make it. If you try something and you don't like it, you don't have to do it again. That is a positive don't you think, not to have to answer to or please anyone but yourself?

    Please give yourself time to adjust and learn to love the life you have now.


  • Ty Bluebell, its been too long! I need some of your perspective. I'm embarrassed I whined. If it gets worse I'll make a call. πŸ’– I got so upset I now have a migraine! Grrr..I need to turn off my mind!

  • I am so sorry for your pain . k also struggle to find who I am . and today isn't a good day for me either . I feel lost and alone and yet I have a son , daughter and partner and my dog who all live with me .....

    I hope many people on here xz am so a better job of making you feel better than me ..... but remember this . just because your ex looks happy doesn't mean he is ..... my ex told me it was the best thing ever when I left him .. 4 failed relationship later he is still single and miserable pretending to be happy ... so concentrate on you and sod yor ex ... he is an ex for a reason ... remember That and look forward not back ... because you aren't going that way... he is I. the past try and leave him there ..... good luck and gentle hugs xxx

  • Bless you Aud! I started off giving you a hug and some encouragement (feeling I failed), and then you're there giving me the words I needed to hear to help me! Yes, you are blessed x4 with the security of a loving family & dog!! Mine was a Newfoundland dog named Benson. He passed away Dec 23 of last year. The joy our furry friends bring. He was a gentle giant as they are known to be. Perhaps if I save my pennies I can get another. Thank you for your kind words and the ones a woman knows to say! XOX 😘

  • There are thousands of rescue dogs waiting for someone to love. "Saving one dog doesn't change the world, but it changes the world for that one dog." You could change each other's lives.

  • I have been looking. I was surprised how much they charge. I've always had Newfoundland pups , but am concerned with the progression of the fibro and handling the large dogs as they age (helping them in and out of cars or up and down stairs). Now I'm thinking perhaps a cocker spaniel? Any ideas for a cute lovable cuddle buddy? πŸ˜πŸ€—

  • Hi MaineFirefly,

    We have two Cavalier King Charles spaniels, the youngest at 8.5yrs (Penny), sleeps in my wife's crooked arm all night. The eldest at 14.5yrs, (Benjamin) sleeps on a quilt on the floor, he struggles with heights.

    They are so faithful, loving, cuddly, and best of all, kitchen sink sized, so cleaning them up after a mucky walk is not so back-breaking. Benjamin enjoys it so much, he turns round to sit in the sink looking inwards to the kitchen. He sits down, so his arthritic rear hips are in the soothing warm water.

    Having had both Cocker and Cavie, I would recommend the Cavie. Cocker spaniels can be a bit obsessive and demanding attention all the time (my experience over 9yrs with 2). Where as Cavies are quite happy to find a comfortable spot, and wait till you call them, or do miles of walking then sleep.

    I would suggest you go to a rescue kennel, and see the two spaniels side by side. Listen to their histories, and how they are now rescued. Having done both cat rescues (13yts with CPL), and rescue of Cavie for South West Cavie Rescue), have some understanding I've these loveliest of dogs.

    In the end it's your choice. But I think it would be good to open your horizon to other spaniels, though a "springer" is obviously out of the equation.

    Please let us know the outcome, so we can welcome your new family member here.

    Love Hayesider envious of thinking of new family member !

  • I don't know much about the breed other than I ran into a gentleman with a cocker spaniel and he was so adorable! The DOG! 😀 NOT the man lol I am having a hard time finding any rescues for this breed in Maine. 😯

  • If you were in the south west of England, I could help you, but don't know if there are any rescue centres in Maine. Suggest you just search the net.

    My wife and me did a rescue for the south west centre, had done 14yrs for Cat Protection League before meeting wife. Poor dog couldn't stand properly, had quilted coat on in June.

    Constant back ground noise of kitten trying to get into,room to scratch dog to bits. Managed to get poor boy out, and eventually to south west rescue, where he lives with 16 other rescues.

    Fingers crossed you find some so animal that can live with you, hope all works out well.


  • England is on my bucket list...perhaps I could smuggle one back.. in my bucket?? 🐢Now THAT would be a great holiday! 😊

  • Hi MaineFirefly

    I am so genuinely sorry to read this and my heart truly goes out to you. I always think when anything in life that has a greater meaning to us becomes absolute then it is akin to a bereavement, and so what you are probably feeling is bereaved?

    It may help to talk to your doctor about exactly how you are feeling as they may be able to help you in some way? Especially if you would not mind going to see a counsellor? It may help to talk to somebody like that who you do not know and will not judge you in any way?

    I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please take care of yourself my friend.

    All my hopes and dreams for you


  • I'm sorry to hear the situation your in and I won't ignore you even if you have lost your mind!! I can't say I know how you feel because I don't but I will ask you to be strong, hang tough and know that things aren't always as they seem.Tomorrow is another day and things could change in the blink of an eye! ! Please take care of yourself and know that we are always here for you 24/7 for whatever your need may be.Taje care and be blessed.Peck🐀

  • I can so relate and apart from the fact we were married 30 years going through very similar. He was my rock and my soft place and I feel so alone.

    Do go and speak to your GP and book a double appointment so you are not rushed.

  • I hope you find the strength you need it hard I lost my husband in 2013 I have moved on but it's hard to make such a big change to me it is like I lost my place in the world I wonder around like billy no mates you just have to take one day at a time and find out who you are again some do this slowly others its a a case of grabbing the bull by the horns and doing what your husband has done life is a blank canvas now I wish you well

  • Hi MaineFirefly

    I really do understand how you feel hun i was married 31 years now divorced 3 years ex still here in our home we bought together which is now sold and im trying to pack my life into boxes memories ect while hes playing in his new fishing boat and brand new car thinking hes 21 idiot!!! I have 2 grown up sons one lives in chester the other not far from me with his partner and my beautiful grandson but hes never there as works in iraq a worry in its self and his partner dont visit so dont see much of my grandson but i am moving into his old house as they have just bought another. I know what your saying yes what do we do how do we start over when after all this time the ex has been around not doing much but there im having a flare up at the min i go to pain management dont really help i hate fibro too but the more i hate n rant the worse the pain gets i must have been some evil bitch in my last life to be givin this one this time around hang on in there hun we got to get some luck soon massive hugs to you and here anytime well mostly anytime ok hugs angela xxx

  • Oh Ang, it does seem we are in a very similar boat since my ex just moved out at his leisure & still comes by to do his laundry & shower (as he did before his "weekend") oh had he only slipped on the soap! Bad hip for a "25-year-old"! I shouldn't think like that. I never would have, but I'm afraid he brings out the very worse. πŸ˜” Thank you for responding. Its good to know someone else is in this boat although I would never wish it on you! I am trying to keep my home, however he has left me in a financial pickle as well so that isn't certain. My 88 yr old mom lives with me and has for 10 years now. This makes my decisions more difficult. One step at a time though. Love to help each other through this chapter in our lives ❀hugs xx

  • Hi there, I am so sorry to hear what is happening in your life, and that you feel so down. We are all here to listen and offer comfort if we can. You say you were an artist, can that be something you can return to? If not professionally, then at least as a special hobby, something that will absorb you and make you forget things. I love to paint and draw, and it makes me forget the pain for a time. A dog is always a fantastic companion, and I was sad to read of your loss. Perhaps you could get another?

    I'm sorry that your ex is behaving in a way that continues to hurt you. What can you do about that? Not much. You can rebuild your life with new friends and hobbies. Being happy again seems a long way off at the moment, but I'm sure you will get there. Hugs from MariLiz x

  • Hun I will buck the trend here ....

    Don't worry about working out what makes you happy that's somethingyou will come across in time.

    What you need to do is go against the pick yourself up advice . It will make you feel a failure when you are anything but.

    Give yourself permission to grieve the marriage you have left. 25 years is a long time and it's scary facing the world alone. I am not saying that you haven't got a strong support network here and in the physical world. I am talking about inside your head and heart.

    It's ok.

    It's ok to be the you that you need to be. Whatever you feel is natural and not something you can switch off.

    You are OK. You are a valuable member of society and you are a miraculous living promise of another day.

    Baby steps hun, one at a time. You will get there but do it at your own pace


  • I appreciate your advice. Its extra hard I think because my "big" sister, my only sister died of lung cancer on May 23. June 5 my divorce was final. 2 days later I held the celebration of life at my home for my sister. I have been flaring mostly since. So it feels like two deaths. One baby step. Xx

  • So many of us have been facing something similar in our lives. Very sadly you are not alone.

    The good thing (yes, there is a positive if you allow it) is that you can reinvent yourself to be whoever you want to be. It won't happen overnight. It takes time. Also a lot of trial and error! But you will get there in the end if you want to.

    I'm not going to give any glib comments. Nobody knows how you feel as we are all very different. I take it from your post that this was not your choice. That makes it so hard. You need to grieve. Yes, grieve! You have suffered the loss of the man you love. Allow yourself time.

    Step by step, when you are ready, you will learn what you like, what you want. My sister, who went through something similar, said that all of a sudden she didn't know what music SHE liked. It had always been their music. She had to listen to music in a different way before she found her music. Same with food. She was suddenly faced with what to cook for herself, what did SHE like to eat. Again, trial and error, she found her niche. She has never served egg, chips and beans since lol.

    I hope you find some peace soon. You will get through this, you will be amazed what you find out about yourself 🐸

  • I like your sister! πŸ™‚

  • You will be just the same when the shock starts to wear off. Xx 🐸

  • I totally understand, I had this idea of wot married life should be like too. I left my husband 2 yrs ago now and often think wots the point now. But I keep plodding forward and I know deep down I'm so much better off wiv out him & now I can just deal wiv my fibro(altho it's hard) and don't have to look after someone else too. Stay positive it does take time but it gets better xx

  • Hi, I'm brand new to the group but reading this made my heart bleed for you. Especially the part about your ex still showing up and taking advantage of you by still doing his washing and showering at your house. To me that would hurt more, he seems to be out living life to the full but stopping you from doing so by still coming in and out of your life. I can't really say much my ex still controls most of my life even though we haven't been together for nearly four years but I let him to keep the peace for my children. I'm so sorry your going through this, I hope you do find a way to get through this and come out on the other side shining. I do believe in beauty therapy. Go get your hair done (wash that man right out of your hair!!) and your nails done make yourself feel beautiful, you deserve to. I agree with everyone who said you should take up art again even if it isnt professionally and just a hobby, making a blank canvas into something beautiful is incredibly rewarding.

    Sending massive gentle hugs to you.


  • Hi, He makes me believe I'm crazy..YOU just made me realize I'm not! *sigh* thank you 😚

  • I have felt exactly the same, i split from my hubby after he told me that having sex with me was like having sex with a dried up 90 year old woman who has cancer bcos that's how i behaved - what happened to 'in sickness and in health' i aksed myself repeatedly!!!!!!! and like you i thought this was for ever and that we would grow old gracefully together.

    Unfortunately we don't have the option of walking away from it as it is happening to us! This shows just how weak and selfish your partner is as it is easier to walk away than stay and fight it with you, but trust me when i say that you will find the strength from within you to get through this and even though you say that your kids are grown and busy they will be there for you, and when the grandchildren come along you will have more pleasure with them than you think because your kids will see how much it means to you!

    You are probably feeling so very low right now exactly as i was, i couldn't function at all and it has been the lowest point in my life but as people kept telling me that time is a great healer - it is but you just have to go with it and as time passes the hurt gets less and less, there are people out there who care about you greatly and i am sure that there are friends who will be there for you once they know what is happening in your life so reach out to them - you will probably be very surprised by the amount of people that will offer support.

    YOU CAN DO THIS! and remember this is not your fault so start to let yourself heal................................... in the words of L'Oreal 'YOUR WORTH IT'

    Best wishes x

  • Thank you Jane, I want to hunt your ex down for what he said to you! Somewhere there is an isle for pigs..let's hope our ex's find it! I used to be a strong person. I hope to be again, even if it's only mentally strong. It is so strange to see him create this new fake life full of secrets I'm sure he won't be telling the next person in his life. So weird..Thx Jane πŸ’œ

  • So sorry to read these message I got divorced from a violent man had 3 boys lost my little girl (cot death I was 19 years old when she died ) my son was 21 months old so new I needed to carry on so I really don't think I have ever grieved properly my divorce was messy to say the least I was unfit mum never cooked or cleaned he snatched my eldest son off the street fought in court to get him back wanted my boys together I was with him 11 years don't regret it because I have got 3 wonderful men now I have now remarried to a man who adores me and treats me well best thing I did as they say plenty more fish in the sea I ended up so independent doing everything my way fixing plugs doing the garden rearing my sons now I have this wonderful man and I have fb so can't do everything we planned to do take care and remember baby steps you will find a inner strength from some were good luck sending hugs

    Carol ☺☺☺

  • Oh Carol I'm so sorry about your little girl and I know how hard it is to have to carry on because I too lost a child. He was 6, to a drowning, and had my youngest daughter 36 hrs later. Hugs to you. That has to be the hardest thing to survive. So happy things turned out well and you found your happiness! 😊

  • Oh I am so sorry to hear about your little boy it's heartbreaking and your little girl right after so you didn't get time to grieve either I hope everything turns out OK for you sending hugs

    Carol xx

  • I cannot add much useful the above. Except to say I've been there too and it hurts. Time will heal, sometimes a lot of it is needed, and the last 25 years wont disappear. But do try to do what you want. You're no longer beholden to anyone. Hugs :)

  • I've been where you are, it takes a long time to start feeling human again. Let the wall go up around you and protect you for a while, it's so difficult to think or do anything especially when you are left on your own. Don't rush to make decisions regarding anything take your time, things will come to you slowly. If you want write things down. I wrote a letter to my ex husband, never read it again and ripped it up when I was finished, it helped with a lot of anger towards him. It's the feeling of unworthiness you are left with as if you have no purpose left in life, your children are grown up and don't need you the same as they did, you feel redundant.

    What worked best for me was not to look forward, not even to the next day but to concentrate on getting through the day. I often just sat in a chair doing absolutely nothing wondering what I should do or where I should go. It's easy for me to say it will get better, I've had 9 years to get used to it and I still get sad when I think back.

    I have met someone new, he was a family friend, 11 years younger than me and also has Fibro. It took me 7 years and I didn't think it would be possible to feel anything for someone else but he is the opposite of my ex, treats me like a princess and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me.

    Please if you want to talk, pour your heart out, scream or cry I'm here for you, never feel alone.

    Linda xx

  • Thank you Linda. I hope you don't regret that offer!! πŸ˜‹ I do feel lost. It does feel like someone died. Yes, my sister passed in May so I am grieving. I feel like there is something i forgot to do...I think taking a sledge hammer to the motorcycle would really truly help! πŸ˜‰yep, that would be a great starting point! lol Thx for letting me know my feelings of unworthiness are not unusual in this situation. πŸ’

  • It sounds like he had a mid life crisis and wanted his youth back, mine did the same but he went to Thailand and came back with one of them, I call them a washing machine or a dyson, it's not polite but I cannot help myself, even now I get angry about it. I apologise if I cause any upset to any one, I'm not being racist but she was younger than his eldest daughter and being replaced by someone still in their teenage years does nothing for your self esteem, not when you are the wrong side of 40.

    Getting angry does help a bit but not when there is no outlet for your anger. Try throwing a yoghurt against a door, it's a mess to clean up but it did my temper no end of good, especially when I imagined it was his head!

    You will reach a point when you look back and see the cracks appear long before you noticed them, I did and then realised that there were mistakes on both sides. Mine was looking back and realising the only things I missed were material things and I could live without them. Does make you realise what is important.

    Your children may well blame you, mine did not for not staying or trying to fight for my marriage. My younger daughter still blames me now, her dad gives her money as and when she needs it. He's buying her love and some day she too will realise there's more to life.

    Try to find yourself an outlet, a hobby perhaps you enjoyed but let lapse, you mentioned you were an artist, try drawing or painting it may be he realise that you need.

    This is not the end of your life, it's the end of a chapter only you can write the next one it may be long or short depending on yourself, it could be happy or sad however once you realise that it's up to you you will find the strength to carry on.

  • I'm so busy trying hard to get the house ready for an appraisal, painting, moving furniture around, painting floors , keeping three acres mowed, taking care of the Shetland pony (&what the pony leaves behind)..selling excess furniture on website & getting things set aside for a yard sale! All to have the appraisal during the better months in case I have to sell next year. Its taking 10X longer with fibro. Boy do I pay at night. Between stress and the physical labor after being in bed 90% soooo much pain, especially in my legs! Ahhh to pay someone else to do it! 😎i think it will all be easier when he moves south!! I want my next chapter to be happy & exciting!

  • Ladies, I have just been reading all your posts, my partner and I split after 22 years, but it was mutual, nothing there anymore, reading your posts I am stunned at how brave and resourceful you all are, more power to you all ladies. My friends husband left her after nearly forty years, said he had finally met his "true love" and had never loved her, once she had got over the shock and realising she was better off without the pig, she had kept him for years, he never worked or anything, she was much better off, first thing she did was redecorate!!, she fine now, but he dumped his two daughters and grandchildren too, what is it with men? women dont seem to do this sort of thing, or a least very rarely, I will never understand men, nor do I really want to when they do things like that, my dad did the same to my mum after 15 years, leaving her with young children, good job women are strong in mind and body,. Respect to you all ladies. Lyzzie x

  • When I left my hubby my boys were 10.8.5.after months of fighting in court (I took him to court to see his boys ) he never he sent them a letter saying he would seen them when they was old enough to visit him my reply was that's when they are 18 he never did get back in touch never had penny off him so nothing to thank him for

    Carol xx

  • sounds like you went the same road as my mum, my dad walked out on my 8th birthday, [21 december] she never forgave him for that, my brother was 12, nearly 13, he didnt care if we starved, he did come around sometimes, but was only interested as we got older, my brother took anything he could get from the old man, but mum wouldnt allow me to visit him and his new wife, [he had three eventually, not to mention the odd ones he got engaged to while still married. I actually loved my last stepmum, she had MS he only married her to have a roof over his head and was horrified when she and mum became friends!! if he had died first, oue family would have had her to live with us, he cheated on her with her carers for heavens sake!! I know there are good men out there, I just havnt found one!!, not that Im very bothered either!! Lyzzie x

  • Hi Lyzzie, I'm so sorry you had to go through that and on your 8th birthday too! Tight hugs to a little girl named Lyzzie who deserved so much more from her father! It sounds like your mom kept you home to protect you. I'm glad. It sounds as if your last stepmom passed away? She sounded like a gem. What a class act to cheat with her caregivers. ..and where were they hiring these caregivers??!? πŸ€”πŸ˜‰xxx

  • actually they are all gone now, after my step mum died my dad joined a lonely hearts club!!! I do have a half brother and sister but have nothing to do with them we just dont know them and it would have hurt my mum, who we adored. She was our rock and Ive no doubt your children consider you the same. Think of it as though he is the loser, he gave up the right to be a dad, as did your husband, they have what they need, which is you!! As for the caregivers, one of my god mothers was actually one of my dads bit on the sides, I dont know if mum knew at the time but she certainley did afterwards, she did everything to try and keep her marriage going, but we were better without him! Lyzzie x

  • My heart aches for the boys at that age having to hear that or live it! Makes me furious to think of an adult so blase about hurting their children emotionally, like it's nothing at all. Meanwhile what does this child end up thinking or feeling about it? Does he blame himself? Thank God mothers normally give their lives to protect their children! People (man or woman) like that do not deserve to be in that child's life! Childhood's go by so fast! They're precious. If I am lucky to have my grandchild for the day, I try to bring as much magic into it as possible. It used to be walks into the forest to look under the oldest trees for fairies or on a rainy day we once found a loose floor board that had a metal tin with hidden treasures underneath! Many well known items for "the borrowers" such as a silver thimble..safety pin..thread..even some fairy dust in a tiny glass vial! These are my favorite times, although I can't go as far ..sometimes not even out of bed, but my imagination is intact & I hope my stories keep my little ones interested peaked a bit longer! Three of five I'm not allowed to see due to their mom, my daughter, being bipolar and having chiari malformation & her husband very very controlling. Those children are Austin 18-Dylan 12-Khloe 6. I do see Payton, 5, and Ethan 1. A,D,& K only live 4 miles away so its painful not seeing them & not knowing what they are being told. Nothing I can do.

    I would like to plan my first real vacation. Maybe "across the pond"? I'm tempted, now its a single ticket it will be cheaper!!! Haha

  • My father left my mother when I was 8, my brother 7 and younger sister 5, he was back in our lives for periods of time when it suited him - the house was in his name and he wouldn't sign it over to mum. She eventually conned him in to signing it by saying I needed permission from both parents to go on a school trip, once he found out he made things very difficult for mum, never giving her money and then if she found out where he was he moved before a court order for maintainence could be raised. I've seen him a couple of times at both his sisters funerals, even shook hands with him at one but never spoke a word. I do plan on going to his funeral to deliver a eulogy, not a complimentary one at all. Some of things he did to my mum were disgusting and she's lucky to still be alive so I have a mission to complete where he is concerned.

    That's what divorce can does to a child, I'm now over 50 and have no compassion for him in anyway, he has missed out on having grandchildren and great grandchildren but in truth he was never worthy of us anyway.

    Sorry if this upsets anyone and seems harsh however I will never forgive him for hurting my mum x

  • its not upsetting by any means, in fact it rings many bells. I lost my dad years ago now, but had a terrible time because I felt so guilty that I didnt care! Why do the bother to get married? my dad couldnt have been faithful while he had a nose on his face! and like you, I dont think in my heart Ive ever forgiven him for what he put us through!! Lyzzie x

  • If it is upsetting to me it's due to what he did and the pain I hear in your story. You deserved a childhood and happy life without this dark cloud hanging overhead 40+ years later! 😚((hugs)) The cruel part is..I'm pretty sure the other half of the equation..isn't losing any sleep or thoughts over any of these issues! Don't let him have that power over you. πŸ’œ

  • You will get through this, it will take time, but you will get there a better person and probably a happier one, I believe in karma, let him have his lovely new shining bike, cause what goes around comes around, you will be happy again, trust me been there wore the t-shirts, what's for you won't go by you, so chin up and up high, and rant and shout as much as you want on here,if it gets it out your system, we are all here for you, always. I have just found out I have breast cancer and go in on Tuesday morning to get treatment, hopefully they will get it on time and I only will need radiotherapy, so let's shout together.haha you take care and lots of gentle hugs to you. Remember best clothes on makeup on and show him what he will miss. Xxx

  • Thank you Erica, but my thoughts & prayers will be with πŸ˜™you especially on Tuesday. I would be honored to shout it out with you anytime πŸ€—πŸ™„! Best wishes! Please let me know how you are doing if that's OK. Lots of gentle (((hugs))) back! xx

  • I was married for 27 years, trust lost, chidren grown , in the same place you . This is why i felt the strong urge to reply to you.

    I made alot of mistakes after this tragic split.

    First let me tell you theres a life after this pain.

    Ive been remarried along time now. Things are good, but this didnt come until i remembered God and asked him for help. I started back to church, joined small groups at church where my husband and i have made alot of friends. My family and all my grandchildren go too. Its really wonderful. With God all things are possible.

    It all started with a plea for God to help me. I also had to put in the work.

    So, are you ready?

  • Dear Mainefirefly, all the words have been said, as above, I just want to let you know I am thinking of you. One Question: Why is he still coming by to shower etc, he chose a different life and really can't drop into yours as he feels! This does not help you at all. Sorry if I sound as if I am Preaching, but your gentle, creative, artistic soul does not need that infliction! Peace & Love My dear friend Pixiewixie

  • I asked myself that same question this morning after a very emotionally draining weekend! So..new house rules

    πŸ€” 1. No showers.🚫

    πŸ˜’ 2. No laundry.🚫

    This is NOT the men's "Y", a laundry mat or your personal "pit-stop"! You can drop my alimony in the mail & make sure the mortgage is paid through December, as ordered! πŸ‘Š

    Thank you! 😘 you! Pixiewixie! Not him!!!!

  • 'When a woman awakens beware of her strength for she can move mountains". Peace & Love Pixiewixie xx

  • Oh crap my life sucks..sorry, I just found out, while trying to lift myself up off ground level, that the newly divorced ex is dating my niece's Aunt (which sounds like my sister but it isn't lol). So class guy that he is...he has made what could have been kept away from me, part of the extended family which got to me very very quickly! Of course I hate he can hurt me so ..that I care at all, but I feel as though I was kicked in the stomach with size 15 steel toe boots! Sigh* super migraine, no end in sight and just nauseas. I really don't want to whine. I get we are divorced. Wow, I really am feeling more sick. Bbl if I feel better otherwise off to the E.R. I think.

  • DEAR, DEAR MaineFireFly I sense your pain, both physical and emotionally. His life sucks not yours, even if it feels that way! No-one can expect you to stop caring overnight, it will happen so slowly as you see what he is doing. He didn't have to hurt you so much, he is an uncaring cheat who has floored you totally with his lack of respect & non caring. I'm so so sorry you are suffering so much. You know all that he has done says so much about him, YOU are much too good for him! Whine ! Screech! Cry! Someone who was supposed to care for you has let you down in the worst way possible! Try so hard to care for yourself, I know that all your energy is consumed as you try to make sense of this turmoil. Time is a healer, but that doesn't make much sense right now. He is a fool to have been so blinded to what he has thrown away. My dear friend I believe in KARMA, one lost day it will hit him. At this minute in time you be kind to yourself, please care for your own self. I only wish I could say something to ease your anguish. I am very far away but my most sincere thoughts and caring are with you. Take care, Take care Dear MaineFireFly, I am thinking of you ... I wish you a little restorative Peace. xx Pixiewixie

  • I appreciate you. I'm hanging on your words like a life preserver in a storm. 8 already struggle with depression which has gotten to a pretty serious degree in the past. He knows this. Stress triggers migraines & fibro flares, he know this. I know its not my business that he's dating. Its who, a family member, and how quickly. I'm not crazy to feel this way because I feel he set me up to feel this way. Only a month ago he was sharing my bed cause he was staying here and my room has the TV. I thought he was keeping the promises and meant what he said "I don't really care about the divorce." It doesn't matter to me. I think you need it for your ssdi though..

    All these head games. Then when I say hey I know about this. He says lose this number.😒

  • He said he would still be my friend. I would never have to feel I was doing it alone. He would always be there. And I was a fool. The ever hopeful fool! On a higher note..I bought three new shirts today! Retail therapy! Thx ladies! πŸ’Ÿ

  • Dear MaineFirefly glad to hear you buying for YOU! You are not crazy !! Often intuitions are so important, he knew your pain would be horrendous, especially as he chose a member of the family. She is certainly off the trust list for ever! Life is hard enough .. so, who needs friends, (or partners), who betray them in the worst possible way. It is easy for me to look objectively at your situation & I am so sorry if any of my comments are hurting you even more, yet from what I have read and understand you seem to have become more aware of how this person can hurt you and the fact that he has done so has been proven in his betrayal. Be careful you are vulnerable at present, you have so much to cope with ... and you will !! Look after yourself, value yourself & 'to thine own self be true'. Take great care, I am thinking of you and you must also think of you! "May your strength shine through like the bright light of a NEW day". Peace and love Pixiewixie xx

  • Mmm yes yes with all of your help I have had an Awakening thank goodness. I am Gathering so much strength from your wise words & support that builds me up after he knocks me down & as I get stronger with all your advice and caring voices in my mind...sometimes I find its harder for him to succeed. I'm realizing as hurt as I feel and as alone as I may be from here on out, I will be the one who will walk away with head held high. He has shamed only himself. I was reminded a few months back feeling such panic to be alone without what I thought was my best friend, that I would never be kissed or held, hugged, or have my hand held while walking down the beach! This thought still makes me sad, but he's not my friend!

  • Hello MaineFirefly, Just a wee check to catch up. YOU are right, YOU will be the one who walks away with YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH! Sometimes our hopes, dreams & expectations are not actually our realities. Your best friend would not treat you so. Off course you will be sad, one in whom you believed in has put himself first and shattered the future you thought was secure. As you said he is not your friend . His behaviour shattered so many hopes and dreams for you.. Yet there is a strength & dignity in your approach, you are strong and brave and can now understand more & more of his psyche.

    Put yourself first! Hold that good head up high! ....... .... "With knowledge comes strength!"

    Good night from my world. Keep wise & strong and remember to be true to thine own self! Pixiewixie xx

You may also like...