I am so lost. After 25 years I don't know what to do, where's the script? They say, "Do what YOU want". I don't know what I want. "What makes YOU happy" I don't..know. My mind's blank. I think..hard. What DOES make me happy?? "What do you ENJOY doing?" I feel my heart race, my breathing starts getting deeper..I'm starting to panic! The tears roll down my face, slowly at first, then faster, I can't breathe. I don't know who I am. My children are grown & busy. I believed I would be growing old with someone who loved me as much as I loved them. Someone to enjoy the Gram & Grampa years..I was a naive young girl with simple dreams who was a romantic & an artist. What am I now?
My whole body hurts as if I've been pushed out of a third story window. This wasn't how it was suppose to end. Tonight is a bad night. Meanwhile the ex is off on his newly purchased motorcycle.. visiting his old friends (who he never in 25 years introduced me to)..acting 25, and I want to scream! NOT CRY! not let him continue to hurt me! Arghhhh!!! Ignore me people! I think I have lost my mind!