Friends not understanding

I have a set of friends i used to work with that do not understand fibromyalgia, it was a while before i left that i told them. Its hard to explain, feel like they are pulling me down, because i look well, and hide most of the time my simptomes, never talk about it. Im seeing them today Thankyou xx

[Hidden]

Hello there Omshanti, thank you for your message. I am sure many of us can relate to what you are saying. From personal experience I had the same situation with my colleagues during my early days with Fibromyalgia prior to my diagnosis. Many of us who worked together used to have regular social outings, we were friends at work and out of work too. I never missed a single outing all the time I was well, but when my symptoms became worse I cancelled the odd outing and this became more regular as I became more ill.

There were sarcastic comments at work about my friends "not being good enough for me any more", those sort of remarks. As hard as I tried to explain that my cancellations weren't personal I just felt overcome with pain and exhaustion, they didn't believe me. Eventually the invitations stopped altogether, I just didn't get invited any more, even though fortunately this didn't affect the work relationships I had built up over ten years or more.

So I know exactly how you feel about this - if you feel your friends are pulling you down, have you tried explaining to them the symptoms you feel. Perhaps telling them that you need medications to help you manage your illness and although it's not something you can see that you experience, widespread chronic pain and exhaustion, have sleep problems etc. Basically describing your symptoms to them.

Ultimately it's a test of friendship isn't it. Try explaining in detail what Fibromyalgia is, here is some info taken from our main site at FibroAction which may help you -

fibroaction.org/Pages/About...

If your friends care for you they will listen to you and hopefully understand or at least try to.

Wishing you all the very best Omshanti, please be assured that we are always here for you, we do understand and we will do all we can to help and support you.

(((hug))) xxx

Libs

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much..much love and hugs xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

My pleasure Omshanti, happy to try to help any time. xxx

[ladymoth]

I have always found that trying to explain fibro to others is largely a waste of time. On the whole, people just aren't interested in anything that doesn't impact directly on themselves - harsh but true!

I just say that I have arthritis, and that has to do. As Libs rightly says, this really helps you to find out who your friends are.

It is necessary at times to explain briefly that you have a disabling illness, and that there are certain things you can't manage, but don't bother with explanations, it's no-one else's business.

When you fancy a good moan, we're always here for you - oh, and of course, health care professionals are actually paid to listen to us - tho' often they don't.

NEVER apologise - why should you? It's not your fault.

Just hang on in there, and never mind the stupidity of others - laugh at them instead,and tho' it's very difficult, pray that they never have to suffer as you do.

Privately I often wish that they would suffer - but maybe that says something rather bad about my character!

Take care and have a peaceful Christmas ...love, Moffy xxx

[Hidden in reply to ladymoth]

Thankyou so much ..much love xxx

[dubia]

Well I dont let any one no how much pain I"m in as they cant take the pain away so I just try and not do to much and do things when I feel ok and having a resonably good day which is not very often .....x

[chicme]

ive lost most of my so called mates i say so called coz if they were real mates they would be here an understand you learn that with fibro xx

[Hidden]

I have only told 3 friends about it - one of them doesn't really get it but she is great and helps me out as much as she can anyway, the other 2 are really understanding - one of them has fibro too, so that makes it great as we can compare our symptoms and reassure ourselves that it is "just the fibro" and the other... we have an agreement that we will look after each other, so when I have bad days, I share it with her and she does what she can to help me, ie, picking up kids from school for me, for example.

Otherwise, I put on my smily happy face and pretend that all is well. I'm a firm believer in the "there's always someone orse off" and "fake it til you make it" philosophies, and I prefer to just get on with my life and not let this - whatever it is - beat me.

i also figure that there's really not much point in telling people that don't actually need to know. If I feel I have to cancel something, I do it wthout guilt, and just tell people I'm exhausted. I don't feel the need to explain further.

I do understand why you would explain it to workmates, and also that it would be upsetting for them to not understand. Maybe you could get a print-out of symptoms etc from your doctor, to carry with you in case someone asks for more info, then you could just show them the sheet and let them do further research themselves if they're interested in more information. That way you don't have to explain your own individual symptoms, but they would get the gist from the health professional perspective.

[Ozzygirl64]

I overcame that problem by telling people it was a chemical imbalance in the brain that could not actually be treated for what it was and that at times it affected my body to the point where I am unable to do things. They either accpeted it or they didn't. My closest friends have stood by me and only one of them has fibro, which in itself has proved to be a good ally, as they know what I am going through, and me them. If your friends care they will listen to you. If they cannot listen and understand then let them walk away xxxxx