Friends or not Friends??

Hi all, I wondered if anyone has been in a situation whereby supposedly (close friends) are constantly winding you up. I am considering getting a small dog through a charity (good one). I have had cavs in the past and my last one died three years ago. I have thought about it quite extensively and talked it over with hubby. At the weekend the charity did a home check and mentioned that the fencing along the back of the garden (4ft) needed to be (6ft). Okay no problem, hubby said he would get that sorted. I mentioned this to my friend of many years (who is inseparable from her sister) and all she did was go on about how she would not pay any money for a dog and would not have one due to the fact that she works and that any dog should be be grateful for a home. She phoned again today and I mentioned that hubby has made a start on the fencing at the back of the garden and will be hopefully get it sorted at the weekend. She just laughed and said, oh your getting your dog then!!. I did say that some of the panels had blown down during the recent bad winds and need repairing anyway. "you don't have to justify yourself" was the reply...."if you getting a dog, then just say so".....what is all that about? Heard her sister going on in the background and said "you might want a dog, but bet your hubby does not".. Then said we are just wining you up....well I made an excuse and ended the call. Felt awful after and maybe I am a bit sensitive today and trying to make sense of it all. I am sure I will have a better day tomorrow. Has anyone been in a situation like this.

Tannels xx

12 Replies

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  • Yes I have in the past, two elderly sisters who had never been apart, one used to "make the ammo" the other fired it. Best ignored in my opinion, do hope you get your new companion soon. Lou xx

  • You want a dog go for it. I've got a lovely rescue dog. Best medicine . He gets me out of the house taking him for a walk. Only short ones but do it 2or3 times. They give you a lot in return. Good luck xx

  • Yup. Fair weather friends aren't worth bothering with. I had 2 rescue dogs and wouldn't change a thing about them. Go for it

  • I have a loyal and affectionate Labrador from the Dog's Trust and wouldn't be without her. She listens to all my moans and groans, puts her head on my knee when I feel poorly and cheers me up no end.

    It sounds like these two "friends" are not worth the bother if they treat you like that. If they invite themselves round to see the dog you know they will be sarcastic and scathing, don't fall for it.

    You having a dog is your choice and with your husband's backing too, you do not need their permission, if they don't like it TOUGH!!!!!

    Getting a rescue dog gives you both a new experience, enjoy, he/she will be your true friend.

    Xx

  • I've had so-called friends like these before and I don't miss them now since I left work two years ago and none of them have made any attempt at contacting me, they never did when I was off on long term sick leave either. I used to have several pet dogs while growing up. We couldn't have pets when I got married as my Hubby has allergies, we both worked full time and we have no garden to speak of really, just a small back yard. I remember one night at home when I was growing up and i told my Mum my feet were cold. My dog did no more than get up from where she was sitting and come over to me and lie down over my feet. Yes, I had friends I no longer see, but it's not having a dog that I miss the most now. Get yourself that dog and enjoy it, perhaps it's time to separate yourself from these 'friends'? Julie xxx

  • Hi Tannels

    I am so sorry that you have been left feeling this way, and I just wanted to say that you are a wonderful and unique individual and you do not have to justify yourself to anybody.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Thanks guys for your encouraging and thoughtful replies. These things always seem to get to you when you are over tired and feeling a bit sensitive. My friends sister tried to make light of it before I ended the call. However, knowing that they were finding it amusing did not help. I will find my positive side tomorrow and look at it all in a more sensible way. Gentle ((hugs)) xx

  • I had a friend that was no go for me, I did say to her that if she continue to act that way then I would not consider her a friend any more. She did not change, since finishing with her I have made several supportive friends I have also improve relationship with husband. She was always making toxic remarks about him as well.

    Life is too short - have nothing more to do with them.

  • Life's too complicated to try to analyse every little bit. However sometimes a one liner can make a huge difference (why I like Betty's sayings)

    I had counselling some years ago and had a suggestion I'd never even considered.

    "don't stay in difficult situations, avoid them. Or if you cant avoid them see what you can do to mitigate"

    It took time to understand (I was at an all time low and feeling VERY sorry for myself) and even longer to put into action. My life after is sooo much more, well I wont say satisfying, but calm. I have a different set of friends and family relationships changed for the better.

    You're dead right, when your resources are low you react in ways perhaps out of character and ways you'd prefer not, and you're more sensitive - who isn't? Don't dwell on the negative past, remember the happy past and get on with being you - and enjoy that dog. You'll get more love form a mutt that's with you all day than someone you see only occasionally. Hugs :)

  • I dont think you're being sensitive, rather they are being insensitive ! A dog is a great companion and a wonderful addition to any family, providing someone can walk it, if your fibro prevents you doing so, and you can look after it and love it, then its you and your husbands choice. people hide behind "only winding you up" generally there is a barb in the comment and a root of jealousy.

  • Hi Tannels

    Well,,,, I don't think they are good friends, but we all know when you have an invisible illness some people just turn so strange!!

    Why wouldn't your husband want you to have a little dog? He probably feels that anything that helps you is good for you( you have a good hubby there) do you think maybe they are a bit annoyed at the attention and love you receive from your hubby?

    I say this as I've been there and as a result now have fewer friends( but the best) ones now!

    They talk about my illness and help with anything they feel helps me!! I have a little cat and know the fact that he depends on me gives me something to focus on. He was a gift from my hubby as I couldn't walk a little dog.

    Just you look forward to getting him or her as they won't ask what's wrong now? They just climb up beside you and let you know they love you.

    Please don't let anyone wind you up as it will only cause stress and more pain!

    Let us know when you get your little dog and what you call it?

    Gucci girl x

  • How about this friend's comment on Christmas Eve

    "You're lucky being on your own. I've got my grandchildren coming tomorrow... " tactless and thoughtlless!

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