I'm in a depression I just cannot shake. I try so hard to NOT feel sorry for myself, and I'm not so sure that's exactly what I am doing, but it's part of it.
This cirrhosis diagnosis was nearly my 'final straw'. After more than 25 years of asking "what happens next?" I have been sick with one affliction after another... after another... after another for all of these years. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I may have run out of "What next's"
I am so thankful for my family and friends, my online family and friends, my generous, kind and thoughtful best friend/mate John, my best gay friend Bruce [he's the best!] who stops in and checks on me almost every morning on his way to work. I love him so.
But this dark cloud has fallen down on me and I just cannot shake it off.
I see my gastroenterologist next Monday to discuss doing the liver biopsy. I have great faith in him, he is very intelligent and he promised me that he won't stop digging until we have all the answers. And I believe him.
I have researched liver biopsy so I know what to expect. The entire process takes several hours, I may bring my chromebook with me. Or my tablet [it's smaller and will fit in my purse] Send me happy thoughts and warm gentle healing hugs, maybe that's all I really need [obviously the chocolates didn't help] :b
~Sharon--- feeling blue on Cape Cod
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Cape_Cod_Sharon
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Ow no I'm so sorry ur feelin like this and I'm sendin lots of gentle hugs, I no it's hard but I believe ur a strong person i am always here if u would like a chat I have depression, anxiety and border split personality as well as the fibromyalgia so I no it's horrid. I really hope u can find these answers an I will send out some prayers and keep my fingers crossed love sue
Hi I'm not massively religious but at the same time I believe this has to be some sort of test, the man himself must think we can take this, sorry if I sound weird. A prayer at night may easy mind, I hope u are having a easer time of it as iv been thinkin of u a lot cape cod love shib xx
Hello Sharon, I feel so bad for you I'm also a what next person. I find It's very hard to get out of a depression episode if you dont keep busy or to much time alone. At night is when I worry but make myself do something Netflix ,music, cuddle and play with the dogs there always happy for the attention. Your lucky to have grandchildren bet there great cuddler😁 Trikki's has me looking into drawing a certain way called Zen something can't remember sorry. You sound as if you found a great dr. I'm glade. hope all goes well. Your pic says alot I sometimes forget how feeling good feels then my son walks in and I feel good😄Sending you a gentle hug.xx. Chris💮
How lucky you are to be able to drive it's something I could ever do and it holds me back so much . You are so lucky to have your grandchildren . Also . It is hard to be upbeat all the time . But a child just accepts what comes next . The wonder and awe of a child is much to be amazed at . I sometimes try to see things from their perspective . Just accepting what is coming next . I need to remind myself daily tho . Writing is wonderful it's one of my favourites . You should write about your grandchildren and how in awe you are of them . Xxx
I think I have pretty much played out Netflix. Ran out of movies and Originals and series to watch. Sometimes I get caught up in a good season of something, John will sit with me and start watching and before you know it we are on episode 5 and it's 1:15 AM [[Must love binge-watching]]
Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I can usually catch myself before I slip in too deep. It's just this last diagnosis has me reeling. There really is no good outcome,
People [friends in my community who are aware of my illness] always say "Oh! You look so good!" My usual response is "Thank you, I feel like crap."
For the longest time when someone asked "How are you?" my typical response would be a quick "Fine!" But I don't do that anymore, if you ask the question I am going to give you my best honest answer.
And I do take a low dose [25 mg] amitriptyline at bedtime, it's supposed to help me stay asleep. I am already on so many meds I cannot stand the thought of adding more or increasing dosages. But I will talk to my GP on my weekly visit [next Tuesday]. Yes, I'm lucky to live where I live. I see my GP once a week and my insurance pays for it. [100%]
I just hit my "pharmacy cap" on prescription medications. That means I have had over 250 prescriptions filled since the beginning of this year. So, I have no co-pays on medications until 1/1/2018
This is exactly what I mean about not wanting to add more pills to my daily regimen.
I will happily accept all sent hugs, gentle or otherwise. They will always make me feel better, if even for the briefest of moments. Thanks.
<3 Sharon
Oh hun. I understand that feeling well, was there myself when I had to give up work again. Thinking of you and sending hugs, hopefully you'll feel a little better once the biopsy is out of the way.xx
You are not alone. I see my specialist today, to be diagnosed officially with cirrhosis of the liver. I was told when I had my scan, but I haven't seen my consultant until today. Thinking of you. Hugs.
I am really so sorry to hear you are on the same boat with me. ANY liver disease is a terrible thing. I wish you all the best and will say an extra prayer for you [and your liver]
firstly sending you bucket fulls of hugs at this very difficult time 🌻
be gentle with yourself I don't think you are feeling sorry for yourself at all. it sounds more like grieving for how things have been and the future. you have had many years of struggling- you sound a very strong lady!!! who recognises the love of friendship around you. take a deep breathe please and give yourself a warm hug, put some good music on as loud as you like and go for a bubble bath read something you enjoy whilst relaxing.
we forget to be kind to ourselves when in pain instead being too hard on ourselves.
Hi Cape_Cod_Sharon I am so sorry to here this I am sending you my love and hugs depression is so horrible but please be proud posting on its own when you are feeling like this is a huge achievement and you should be proud of yourself. Hope the biopsy goes well and you can then begin to get some rest.
Thank you for the hugs. I just have to get through the next few weeks, at least then this beast will have some definition. And I will know what I am up against and can make my battle plans.
Sharon, I am so sorry to read your story, I also have Fibromyalgia and other conditions. For most of my adult life I had depression but for the last 5 years I have been free of it. I will pray that this also happens for you because I know that God healed me. My heart goes out to you and I will pray that you get through your liver biopsy and that God shows you His love every moment of your life. kind regards, Andrea
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Brother in hospital.
Bad day, sitting in my office crying
just when you think someone gets it......
Sorry I've been AWOL
Don't know what to do !!!!!
