Today I said goodbye to a friend I used to consider my best friend. No they didn't die. They think I have given up on life. We were friends for at least 10 years. I almost married her but we realized that we were better friends than a couple. For years we hung out together and it seemed like we were always there for each other. But then she got a job paying very well and a few years later I got laid off. I started to hear from her less and less. Then I got sick but she could not except it or did not believe I was really sick. She kept telling me it's in my mind or many people still work with Fibro according to her nurse friend.
Over the past year I would only get text messages maybe once a month. Today I got one. Instead of asking me how I was doing, she asked if I was still in my house knowing that I have no income. Well the text went back and forth till finally she tried to tell me that my body aches are because I'm in bed too much. She know this because she felt the same way when she was sick in bed for a long while. Then she said my fatigue is because I don't go to sleep at the same time every night. I just need to get on a steady schedule. Then she proceeded to tell me I have just given up. Not once since I got sick did she ever ask what she could do for me. She was always judging me tying to tell me I'm lazy or some reason excepting that I really am sick. So today I had enough. I just said if you don't have anything good to say to me, then don't bother contacting me again.
I was there for her when she needed a place to stay, was by her side when she was in ICU and her family barely cared. I was even there to listen every time she broke up with some guy. But now that I just need a friend I get her crap that I have given up on life. God only knows that I would love to be able to work even part time.
Why is it that Fibro causes us to lose friends and have family become distance? Is it because we have no scars or outside physical evidence for them to see?
So another day goes by and I have one less friend. I don't know why I feel so sad. It's not like she really cared. No phone calls, no offering me any help. Only judging me. Maybe that's the only way she knows how to express herself. Nevertheless, I had to let her go.