grief,pain and fybro

Hi all lm in so much agony, my joints really hurt, l cant sleep and now lm really dizzy., past out when washing up. I'm 53 and am now using a frame and seat in kitchen, all this since October 2016. Been waiting for 14 week for urgent neurology appt... Yesterday someone said to me was it just fybro or maybe l need to be tested for lupus. Oh my...I am so sad to as just recovering from losing hubby 2 ish year ago and 2 month ago my 29 yr son died, inquest pending. Then my aunt died 24th Dec. Any tips? one thing l know all this emotional pain worsens everything. Please help. P.s l am only on mild anti depressant in morning ( l am grieving not deprest, guess the g.p worried l will be soon), and low dose amitriptyline at night

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18 Replies

  • Oh my goodness, you have a lot to deal with. Losing your husband and son and your Aunt all in a short space of time will undoubtably cause huge amounts of stress on your system, and so a flare up of symptoms is to be expected. I'm so sorry for your loss. I would go and see you GP as a matter or urgency and explain all your symptoms. If you haven't already seen a Rheumatologist, then I would hope you will be referred to investigate your worsening joint pain. I haven't found the neurologist to be very helpful for Fibromyalgia myself. Please take good care of yourself. Gentle hugs to you x

  • Hi Dryad thank you for gentle hug! I have seen relevant people. My symptoms changed a lot, l meant to be at G.P tomorrow at 8 am, time surgery opens, so no chance of cancelling apt and now we got heavy snow, how will l get there and how much time? Would be laughing so much if l had snow board or skies

  • Oh dear, lovely to see you posting. but how sad for you losing you husband and your son I can't imagine what you have been through and are still through now, you have my heartfelt sympathy.

    When someone says , it's just fybro it drives me mad, but put it down to ignorance they know no different. Have you seen a grief councillor , have a chat with your Dr, it's such a short time since losing your husband and then your son just two months ago and your Aunt, then you have health problems on top of it all , you need all the help you can get, please come on here when you feel down there is always someone to chat to, take care and look after yourself

  • Hi Mydexter yes been seeing grief councillor for a year. So pleased as at least l recognise the process and thankful as it has helped me deal with my hubby traumatic time. l am so glad l was already with councillor as cant imagine having to wait 6 weeks before seeing someone over son death. Phew. I think the don't know what to do, so all rheumatic illness lumped together. Thank you for reply.

  • You have had so much to contend with in such a short period of time. My OH and I have had 8 years of Just one blow after another and sometimes you honestly don't know how it will all end but somehow the human spirit pushes us on.

    With grief it seems to have to go through all these set cycles and I don't know any shortcuts. So pleased you already have a counselor so you can have someone to turn to for support. If you think about it you are not only grieving for the three people you were closest to but also for the loss of your health.

    I do hope you get an appointment soon to see the neurologist. Please keep in touch with us as there is normally someone around and let us know how you are getting on and what transpires at your appointment.x

  • Rosewine you are right there are so many cycles to go through only they are not set I stone, often l liken it to a roller coaster, every time you believe your settled, your back on the fall, and it really does not happen in 1.2.3 step order. What l do understand through my experience is there will over time be minutes, hours, a day and longer that we will deal easier with our loss. I am at G.P tomorrow unless the snow stops me walking to surgery. I am also glad to be helped when in bad place on this forumx

  • Yes we must all pull together with these things. Sometimes we feel we can be there to help others but occasionally we have to reach out ourselves for support and reassurance as those on the forum can understand. Hope you can make it to the surgery, snow here but it has gone just crisp now and it stopped falling hours back. I bet it will be slippy so be careful walking.x

  • So much loss in such a short time, it is no wonder you are feeling the strain.

    If you find your spirits sinking lower I suggest you talk to your GP again and he may be able to tweak your medication a little to get you through this very difficult patch.

    I hope your appointment comes through very soon.

    Take care of yourself and please keep in touch.


  • Thank you for message. G.p apt Friday but it snowing really heavy so unsure l will get to apt as don't have skies or a snowboard

  • What a lot you are having to deal with rockett777. I'm so very sorry for the family you have lost. I think you should get more help from your gp to help you through this awful time. Please come and unload on here as much as you need to. There is always someone around. Please don't suffer alone. Take care xx

  • Oh rockett777 I am so so sorry you have had all that emotional stress & pain. If you can't sleep I'd be inclined to ask your gp if you can take them at night because they will help relax your muscles which help relieve the pain somewhat. I take 50mg at night & sometimes 10 or 20mg in morning if I need to. Amitriptyline is used for ppl.with fibromyalgia although it is known as an antidepressant.

    It is thought by some professionals, that traumatic events can bring on fibromyalgia, any extreme stress makes it worse because it flares up & can seem uncontrollable but it can be managed and there are drugs that help and lots of alternative therapies, massage, heat, hydrotherapy, gentle yoga stretches & even meditation.

    I'm not surprised you are so low having to go through losing your partner, which completely changes your life, is bad enough but to lose your son is probably the worse thing I can think of to happen to anyone.

    When is the inquest, have you got long to wait ? That will obviously be heavy on your mind at the moment and once that's over, then you will hopefully have some answers my friend.

    Pls do pm me if you need to talk, I'm always around.

    Sending you lots of ❤❤❤ and healing hugs xx


  • I cannot add anything else to the replies you have other than to say we are all here for you if you need to talk, cry or rant at the injustice of it all....Thinking of you xx

  • Hello my friend

    Have you ever been in touch with MIND?

    You can see someone on a one to one basis for a year without any charge.

    There are also courses you can attend for free. Their website is

    Do you live alone? Is there anyone you could alert in the event of a fall?

    What do you need help with most my friend? Is it someone to talk to or are you worried about your health.

    Please let me know how you're doing and sending you a gentle hug to keep you going.

    Wishing you much peace

    Lu xx

  • As all of us with serious Fibromygia makes life tough enough asi it is , so when other hard to take things in life come along its practically unbearable to take I feel for you x

  • Rockett777,

    Please find yourself a good therapist that specializes in grief counseling. You've experienced tremendous loss and must work through your feelings with a professional, especially the loss of your child. You may also need an increase in your depression medication for a while to help you through this.

    I lost my brother at age 32, my dad at age 34, and then my mother by age 50. My entire immediate family gone. It was a great therapist who helped me reconcile these relationships, forgive where needed, and move on. Grief is such a powerful emotion. Please get help! God bless you!

  • Morning all, and thank you for comments last night, l live on my own, moved to ground floor flat a few month ago due to illness. Feel very isolated, neighbours all at work apart from 1 young lady but she doesn't communicate. I have a great bereavement counsellor. Today l saw G.p, he shocked that 14 weeks later my neurology apt not through, he doesn't believe l have lupus and has given me tablets for vertigo and increased my amitriptyline. Also said come back if need to, only this apt took over 2 weeks to get. ugg my aunt funeral next Friday and following Monday son inquest. Well l am just home and having a cuppa in bed as to unsteady to stay up. Wish you all well todayx

  • Lupus can be detected through blood tests, whereas Fibro. Can not. When did you last have blood tests done? This, should be a priority. And would help a specialist you are seeing. Ring your GP. The nurse can come out to you.

    Does your GP know much about Fibro?? Many don't. I had to 'educate' mine!!

    Contact your council and request a care assessment is done. Anyone, is entitled to this. You may be able to get help. xx

  • Hi, it's hardly surprising you are depressed, with everything you have been through and that will push your stress levels, through the roof. Stress = pain.

    You should be on a medication, to help with the fibro. Such as Lyrica.

    I think you should be referred to a Rheumatologist. Rather than a Neurologist.

    You need to go back and see your GP. In the first instance. xx

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