Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Help - I feel I am being bullied at work

Help - Hi everyone out there well its over 8 months since I was on this site and felt that I needed help and support. I think I have done really well I have kept at work admittedly only 18.5 hours a week but I am 66 so think that really is enough. I have not been off sick since March (apart from when I got knocked over by a cycle and had concussion for a couple of days). However I think I am at my lowest ebb today - the last 8 months haven't been easy I really suffer from terrible pain on a daily basis but I get over this by resting on my days off and having early nights but sometimes not sleeping at all for the pain. I went into work this week as normal and part of my job is to attend and minute evening meetings. We have just had a new member of staff join us, I am 39 years her senior, but she can't cope with the work. I was told on Friday afternoon that I would be covering one of her evening meetings ( I already do 3 per month plus 5 daytime meetings and all the additional daily admin work. I sent a text to my job share colleague to tell her we have been asked to do this additional work rather than her go into work not knowing anything on Monday. She tells me that she had already been told. I just feel everyone knows what is happening before I am consulted. I am worried that I am being paranoid but this isn't the first occasion. I used to love work but feel like they want me out. I have said I will retire in May 2018 but we really need the money as my husband is disabled and on very little money. I have an appointment with my gp on Monday but do I tell him everything - I broke down this afternoon and was hysterical, I feel I am cracking up. My sister took an overdose last month and I supported her, as I said my husband has various health conditions and I try to copy with that and his mood swings. Just feel I can't cope anymore. I haven't slept for 3 nights so everything obviously seems worse but what do I do? Talk to work - go off sick - take another way out!!! I feel so helpless and the pain is unbearable. I think I am my own worst enemy as I pretend to be ok all the time when I'm not. Sorry for the outpouring but don't know where else to go.

Wendy

12 Replies
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I am so so sorry to hear what you have had to deal with {{HUGS}} It sounds like you may be suffering from depression and it would not be surprising with your work situation,your sisters overdose and your own health problems not to mention lack of sleep.

If I was you I would go and see your GP asap and tell them exactly how you are feeling and what you have been dealing with and you can not sleep. If your GP offers you a sick note i'd take it. You need to start and look after you. Please go and talk with your doctor xx

Mo

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Thank you Mo - I think you may be right I will get an appointment hopefully tomorrow. Its so good to hear from someone else that I'm not being paranoid and that's why I think this group is so important. No one really understands unless you're a sufferer. I feel your hugs thank you - Wendy

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You've had to deal with so much it's no wonder you're feeling so low. I would suggest you see your GP and discuss treatment and some time off work to recoup your energy. You've done so well, it's time to be kind to yourself.

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At 66 are you not just pushing yourself, I feel is unfair that someone your age and with a health condition is forced to stay in work due to financial reasons... I do hope you sort it out. I'm new to the forum but already feel supported and it's given me an outlet for discussion and worries with those whom I don't need yo explain the " why"to.

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It's time to look after you, you've done so well with everything but you know that things aren't right. Talk to your GP see if they can help you.

As others have said maybe time off will help as you've had a lot to cope with.

All the best, hugs

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Hi Wendy feel so sorry for you but dont allow thoughts to make you feel even worse... it sounds like a very responsible job and you are doing the job and with an invisible illness well mostly! Do your job as you always do - to hell with what others think make a joke about you not being told - plaster that smile☺ and if there is a remark that isnt nice just put them on the spot and ask 'why did you say that' unfortunately you are getting closer to retirement and wolves are gathering lol

You are senior its like being back at school and thats how i would look at them.... i hope i havent made you feel worse i just felt so cross after reading your post - kick ass! You are the strong one not them

Berniix

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Hi sweetie I truly feel for you and please try and take sometime for yourself as you seem to have so much on your shoulders. Speak to your gp and tell them everything and don’t worry how long you are in with them they won’t tell you to leave so tell them everything and get the help that you need for yourself. I have my fingers crossed 🤞 for you sweetie. Sending you lots off warm hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🌹🌹🌹🌹xxx

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I think there's 2 ways to tackle the situation.

You can get signed off by your GP ( I think it's a good idea to see him/her anyway as you could be suffering depression) Stay mostly off sick for the next 6 months until you retire.

Second option is to do as Bjosephine says, smile it out and state the obvious--- bullies hate being tackled head on. " I'm surprised you forgot to contact me on this matter" " " what did you mean by that?" Nice and direct while never being nasty.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and your sister, it's a lot for you to cope with.

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Hi Wendy it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed and areas of you life where you have no control are being magnified. If you aren’t receiving any complaints about your performance at work then you shouldn’t worry. You clearly have a lot to deal with outside of work and probably don’t socialise as much as you previously have with colleagues. The problem isn’t yours but others expectations. Don’t feel bad about telling colleagues about your situation as that might help with your feeling of isolation. If you care for your husband have you considered applying for carer’s allowance. That might get you a little extra money. There should be a local carer’s support group in your area where you can receive councilling and support. Talk to your GP if you need time off work to help manage stress and rebuild your coping abilities. One thing I have learned is the more you do the more is expected of you, so start taking that control back. Wishing you health and happiness.

Tim

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Yes you MUST tell your Dr how bad you feel It is also important that you start to acknowledge when your feeling bad as ignoring it will only makes things worse in the long run, as for the bullying I suggest that you diarise all the times and dates that you feel you are being treated badly and then arrange an appointment with you HR dept together with a witness and let them know how you feel. Good luck

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I cannot add to all the great replies on this post x

See your GP and do what's right for "You"

Big hugs xxx

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Hopefully this response will reach all the thoughtful people that took the time to reply to my post. I should have seen the GP today but have been really poorly and hadn't got the strength to get out of bed and get dressed. I am up now and trying to make some sort of plan one of which is to see my GP as soon as possible. I am overwhelmed by your kind thoughts and I really feel that I am not alone and I'm not imagining things and starting to feel I can cope with some support from my GP. I have come to the terms that I am depressed and need help. Thank you all so much I will let you know how I get on, love to you all xxx

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