Feeling fed up.

[faerywings]

Hello everyone, I'm married to a lovely man who tries to be understanding of my fribromyalgia, but doesn't quite get how bad the pains are. I have two children who are in there early to mid twenties, of which my son Matthew has disabilities (ADHD and autism). I love them all dearly, but added to this with the passing of my fathering-law 10yrs ago, I am also trying to see to my mothering-law who has dementia. I'm struggling every day to run two houses and see to all her financial needs as well as her appointment. Just feeling fed up and run down at the moment so I just keep plodding on. Sorry this sounds so naf it just seems to run you down, and I'm not sure if there's any other professionals that could help me.

[Betty67]

Sorry you are going through all of this at once. Try to take one day at a time, you would not want anyone you love feel your pain so accept your husband does not understand. Gentle hug.x

[faerywings in reply to Betty67]

Thank you so much for your support, no I wouldn't want them to feel this pain. I would feel even worse if they were going through this, its not very pleasant. my husband sways between trying to be understanding and just resenting the situation. We've always been walkers and I think he feels its been taken away, because I find distance a problem. Many thanks faerywings.x

[Annunnaki]

Hi sweety. I'm sorry to hear that things are Pilling up for you. You sound like you have reached and by passed your coping point. You know already about pacing youself. I don't mean to be insensitive. But don't you think that you could look into obtaining some support with home care with your mother in law. Maybe I'm being pessimistic but if you are just managing, how are you going to cope with a flare up, or when your child gets a bad cold, ect... It is very difficult at times fo us to even consider letting a stranger deal with family, seeing this as our duty. But caring for someone start by caring for yourself unfortunately. If you are not at your optimum you can't look after someone else. Same as putting an oxygen mask on oneself fist before helping someone else with theirs in am airplane situation. You may feel much worst if you end up not being there for anyone if you stress yourself so much as to end up getting sick. Or burned out. Loving is about doing the best we can, even when the best is not our first choice. I know it's something you already know about. I am just trying to give you a practical perspective on the subject. You can organise a private carer of your choosing. So you know she gets the best you can buy. Or do partial care. Cleaning, shoping, cooking. You'll still be there for her. Have you looked into carers entitlements as well yet? Some boroughs used to run really nice away days for example. I know it's another thing to do. See it as an investment in both of you. Improved management if you like. I hope that you find both a workable and satisfactory solution. All the best. @):-

[faerywings in reply to Annunnaki]

Thank you for your words of kindness annunnaki. I have got ladies coming in to make meals for her, and I've just managed to get day care centre approval three days a week. She forgets she's been and doesn't remember the ladies coming to her house either. I sit talking to her every evening and she says the same things. She's lonely no one to talk to, even though she's seen me through the day. She complains her naighbours aren't the same, and its because the ones she had for years have died. If she has to go into a home she says she'll kill herself. Its a tricky situation. I just keep plodding. x

[Annunnaki in reply to faerywings]

Hi babe

I'm pleased to know that you've got some help organised. It is a difficult situation. In reality I doubt very much that she will act on her treats of suicide. in truth she might not even know where she is. At least she will get to see the staff more regularly. Beeing in the communal area will give company as well. If you are not planning for it, have you ever considered getting her a pet? A small dog will lay on her lap and keep her company. There's research showing that pet ownership help people in her condition. She will talk to it, and it will gaze back lovingly into her eyes, it's movement may be interpreted as response. And petting it will decrease cortisone level and release oxytocin and endorphins, all anti stress feel good hormones. All you need is a small dog door, feeding it once a day. Walkers can be organised if you have the means. If not, a Smallburgh won't need much walking in reality. An older, house train dog, absence assessed by the rescue centre might do it. IT is worth looking into. What do you think??

[faerywings in reply to Annunnaki]

Sounds great but she has a tortoise called billy that she let's roam around the house and he poos everywhere. We have towash the carpet cconstantly, so I don't think my husband would want to get her one. We have dogs and we could take our little westy Tilly to see her, that might work. Thanks for your continued support. x

[Annunnaki in reply to faerywings]

U r most welcome. Sorry about the turtle. Turtle soup is a Mauritian dish. Any clues there?

[faerywings in reply to Annunnaki]

Lmao oh thank you so much I needed a good laugh.

[brok]

To Faerywings, Wow, it seems as though you have such a lot on your plate! You need to talk and a chance to examine things. Have a look at your local list of BCAP registered Counsellors. There will be someone in your area who will be willing to listen and to help you to signpost yourself to alleviate your problem. You may be able to get some help from your GP who may have such counsellors in her or his address book. You have made your first step by writing your post. I wish you luck with the next step.

[faerywings in reply to brok]

Thanks brok, I've seen more counsellors than soft Mick, and I'm still struggling it just feels crazy. All I can do is try my best. Thank you for the bcap advise I'll look into it.x

[mattoid-mags]

Hi, doesn't sound naf at all. It does sound that you have reached your limit and you do need help and more support. I'm assuming that your husband has no family living near? Maybe you could sit down with him, talk to him, tell him how you feel, give him some reading material on Fibromyalgia and the affects it has on its ' victims.' I would also definitely get your GP and your mother in laws GP involved too. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from outside because your own health is at risk too. Its not easy but it is best for everyone, including your son who needs and relies on you too. I wish you well and hope you get get the help and support that you need and deserve. Mags x

[faerywings in reply to mattoid-mags]

Your right mags thanks. I'll have a word with both doctors, and find out what they come up with to help.x

[mattoid-mags in reply to faerywings]

Good luck x 😀

[Fibrofoggiest]

It sounds like you are having to handle far far too much all at the same time, and I'm not sure that it will be helping you and your pain levels. I am single but I struggle to get any other family members to understand what is really going on and what we fibro sufferers go through!

Sending lots of positive healing vibes your way 😀

Foggy x

[faerywings in reply to Fibrofoggiest]

Thank you foggy its nice to know that I'm not on my own struggling with family and friend's. Thanks.x

[Fibrofoggiest in reply to faerywings]

That is the wonderful part of being a member of this site, you know you will always have people outside of your close ones, who do get entirely what you are going through and are more than willing to do whatever we can to help 😃😃😃

More positive vibes coming your way 😀😀 ☀️☀️

Foggy x

[Hidden]

Big hugs to you . It isn't easy but there are a lot of helpful advice on here on how to make your family understand more .. Maybe you should let your husband read some ...good luck xx

[faerywings in reply to Hidden]

Thanks audh, yes I think it would be a good idea to let Andrew readsome comments.x

[Hidden in reply to faerywings]

I have let my partner read up on fibro and have let him see how much others struggle to and he was in awe of it all... It really opened up his eyes xx

[faerywings]

Wow I feel really bless to have found such lovely people who know what I'm talking about, thank you all for your advise and kind words. bless you all. xxx

[TheAuthor]

I am so genuinely sorry to read that you are struggling in this way and I genuinely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to these issues. I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

[mimiwen]

Dear Faerywings,

I do feel for you. My mother had dementia for 9 years before her death and I know how exhausting it is, besides all the other demands you have on your energy. I think you are amazing to be still putting one step in front of the other! So be proud of yourself. Is there any chance you could have a holiday somewhere peaceful, just you? Maybe you could go and stay with a supportive, understanding friend for a week, to get some rest (and ideally to be looked after and spoilt)? You deserve it!

Mim

[faerywings in reply to mimiwen]

Thank you mimiwen for your support, it is much appreciated. I would love to have some time out, peace and quiet. I just keep thinking that she's 90yrs old and that she won't be with us for ever, and eventually I will get the time I deserve. I do truly love my mother in law she's been wonderful to me, and she natters if I'm not around for a while, but I will have that holiday when the time comes. x

[faerywings]

Over the passed year he has started to help, because I nearly crumpled. So yes I do get help with her. I still feel drained physically and mentally though its not a n ideal situation, but I plod on.x

[cutydevil]

Hi Faerywings

I too have fibromyalgia and have a lovely partner who helps a lot at home but he doesn't understand why I feel tired all the time and always in pain. He came to one day at a pain pain management course with me and this helped his understanding a lot. I too have two sons my eldest one is 24 and has ADHD and my 17 year old son has ADD. It is a struggle because my eldest son is always getting into trouble and is currently in Manchester Prison for criminal damage. He stopped taking his medication 5 years ago and it's been non stop stress. And as you know stress aggravate the fibro symptoms and makes them worse. But I learned a lot at the pain management course ask your gp about it. I breath through my pain, have changed my thoughts process which has changed how I feel physically and mentally and how I behave. Stretching and pilates has worked wonders and I'm fin ally feeling positive for the future. There are other methods of pain management it's just finding the ones that fit around you. There is lots of help out there and support. You are not on your own hun take care xxx

[faerywings in reply to cutydevil]

Hi cutydevil,my heart goes out to you that is definitely a stressful situation your in. You've done really well finding an exercise that helps, I will have to look into that. I was thinking about yoga classes but I was worried it would aggrivate my symptoms for days after. I wish you well.x

[cutydevil in reply to faerywings]

Hi Faerywings thanks for your reply. Yoga I also also great for fibromyalgia as our joints and muscles get stiff so this is the long term is very beneficial. Of course there may be some soreness for 2 days but I don't know about you but having suffered with pain for 12 year the two day post exercise soreness is nothing ;-). I also do aqua fit which has no post muscle soreness. It's great because the water holds 80% of your body weight do you don't feel any resistance in the water. And it makes you feel good afterwards because you've had a good workout without the pain. Definitely would recommend. Xx