Social situation

[Tammy5]

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling @ the min with being social. I'm having a bad day and my husband agreed for his sister t call but i just don't want to b around anybody. He knows I'm not well and he looked at me when she rang and i giv him the sign as if to say not today but he still said yes for her to call. I actually walked out and now in standing up a path way untill they leave. I do feel a bit childish but its just the way i feel. I'm angry at ny husband too as he used to b very understanding when I'm having problems with my fibromyalgia but hes seems to have change. I would love to know if anybody feels this way as i just feel so alone at the moment?

[rosewine]

So sorry you are feeling like that. It is so hard when you are in continuous pain and feeling like you have the worse flu known to mankind to feel like making light hearted chitter chatter. I would also feel like wringing his neck if he had ignored your signals to say no. He could have suggested going to her house on his own explaining you weren't well. Grhh!!! I suppose it is very difficult for someone who is well to understand how you are feeling. I know the majority of my friends are all fit and I just don't think they can quite get what it is like or that perhaps we exaggerate the symptoms to get out of things. I wish we had a magic wand that could make us better. I also sometimes feel very alone with the the situation I find myself in so you aren't on your own. If it was something that people could actually see I think they would be much more sympathetic. Hope by tomorrow you feel more in control and are in less pain. I think you need to have a quiet word with him. Bug hugsxx

[Tammy5]

Thank you for your reply, it just seems like he doesn't care anymore

[mindful579]

Dear Tammy5

Why should you have to leave the comfort of your home and bed, because of your self husband and his sister? If this happens again , tell him to go too his sister's home or take her to the pub, while you have a relaxing bath to ease your pains. Also please dont think your being unsocial as you are not. Pour your self a nice glass of your fav wine if you drink and relax on your sofa with maybe a good book or fav film and please try an enjoy the rest of your night. x

[Tammy5]

Thank you mindful, i don't drink that often but i sometimes sure do feel like it

[Hidden]

I know how you feel because I have been putting friends and family off of visiting me lately and making excuses for not going out. You just dont want to when you feel rubbish. I agree with rosewine that if people could see it like a broken leg they would have empathy. Have you tried to explain to your husband what you are going through and how you feel. It could be he is worried about you and doesnt know what to do to help so he thinks he will get someone around who may cheer you up. I felt my husband didnt understand so I told him exactly how I felt and got some leaflets and books on Fybro and left them around the house where he could read them. He has more understanding now (not quite fully yet but he is trying to understand). I still dont want to socialise yet but I do feel now my other half understands I wont be badgered into going out or have people around (not yet). Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. Gentle hugs Joolz.x

[Tammy5 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, its nice to know I'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes

[Tammy5 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your thoughts

[TheAuthor]

Hi Tammy5

I am so sorry to read that you are feeling so poorly at this time and I genuinely hope that you start to feel better soon. I really feel for you as it is not nice when somebody blatantly ignores the way that you are feeling.

I think many of the members have come up with a really good suggestion by saying he should visit her and give you some space and some peace.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken x

[Tammy5 in reply to TheAuthor]

Thanks ken

[Betty67]

Sorry Tammy but I am with your husband on this. It is home as well isn't it? Do you want him to feel unable to invite people to his home. Your condition is not like flu bad for a few weeks and the gone, he has to live with you and it for months maybe years. Unless you live in a one room bedsit there was be somewhere you could go. Sure you don't want to lose him. What about marriage counselling so you can discuss your problems in a safe environment. Gentle hugs.

[Tammy5 in reply to Betty67]

Thanks i take what you say onboard

[Betty67 in reply to Tammy5]

Hope I did not sound too harsh, but my gran who was very wise when I was getting married told me always try to see my husband's point of view. I could then decide he was wrong but acknowledge that I am not always right. Strong woman she was a campaigner for women's rights so not a door mat.

[Tammy5 in reply to Betty67]

Its hard to do or feel a certain way when you cant due to something that isn't your fault. I understand where your coming from

[nedd]

Hi chuck

We will all have a different take on this.

To a point I agree with Betty. Also it is hard for anyone to understand how we feel. And my guess is your husband was put in the impossible position of offendinding someone.

Plus he will be concerned about your health. He may well have genuinely thought a bit of company would cheer you up.

I keep in touch with friends by popping cards in the post. They return the thought. There is something cheering about a card out of the blue. It is less knackering than any other form of communication.

sometimes we don't have the wherewithal to glue the smile on.

I came across one very well healed lady who does her best when company arrives and then graciously adjourns to her bedroom for a rest until they go. Accompanied by a glass of wine and a Magazine delivered by Collins the butler on a silver tray.

This was such a novel solution that I thought I may learn from.

Unfortunately I don't have a Collins in the kitchen.

but I have resolved to lay my cards on the table and then not feel guilty when I nip up wiv whippet for a snooze and a cuddle.

May you find your way through this. Tis a hard nut for all the family.

Hurling you a fluffy to cuddle for comfort or bash his brains out in temper, don't worry he is indestructible and regenerates overnight.

All thing pass good and bad.

Ned

[Tammy5 in reply to nedd]

Thanks

[Jules58]

I can see exactly where you coming from and how you feel.

Tammy don't feel bad about this.

Many years ago I too couldn't cope with anyone visiting and I mean anyone!!!

I used to go into a complete and utter panic if anyone visited and retreated upstairs out the way and hid.

I can't explain why I did that and as for my husband he thought I had gone mad at times.

Eventually myself and my husband talked about how this illness was affecting me ( I had also had a recent breakdown).

He became so more much understanding and explained this to certain family members.

Hope this helps Tammy xx

[Tammy5 in reply to Jules58]

Yes i have been like this once b4. Thank you for sharing your story it does help knowing in not the only one

[dobie62]

hi there,

so sorry to hear how you are felling to day. i know how you feel my mood swings are getting wors and i cannot contend with people being round me. i feel awful as my step daughter has been with us this week end as normal but i could not wait till she left and i fell horrid. all i want to do at the moment is sleep, my head is pounding. my husband is wanting to arrange a night out with one of his friend and his wife who he has not seen for years but i dont want to go does this sound horrid. i would rather they came to mine for a few drinks and hope that they will not stay long.

janet

[Tammy5 in reply to dobie62]

Yes it is horrible and i don't want to be like this as i used to b the life and sole of a party. Its like I'm two diffent ppl now. I think its being hard for ne to come to terms with kind of being a different person. Thank you

[mitziblue]

Fibromyalgia or not everyone needs their own space at times, when you don't feel good (we) all tend to rather not go, or do something. I have to really push myself to get out and about. It tends to wear me out sometimes, but it is good to be around the people you love. My husband of 24 years wanted a divorce, why? I still don't know except he was cheating. Now he's remarried to his girlfriend. Honey you can't change people and if he's changed then that's really sad, we take vows which says in sickness and in health. I hope he turns around and starts to understand how much we suffer each day. I feel your pain sweetheart. Hang in there. xxxx Mitzi

[Tammy5 in reply to mitziblue]

Thank you so much

[Lizzyear]

Hi Tammy5,

I am sorry you feel alone at times, I can so empathize. I used to have loads of friends, and one by one they have drifted away. I used to be so social, now I don't really have any friends, thank god for my family. To be honest, they are all I need. I don't have the energy to convince people how Yuk! I feel..................I'd rather use my energy that I do have on my family, especially my grandson:-))

Don't feel guilty, prehaps you just need to explain to him (again possibly!) exactly how you are feeling. Communication, which I know is also exhausting, but sometimes it's worth investing our few grains of energy on our loved ones and try to describe how you are feeling and the pressure that is put on you to be sociable.

You're not alone, as hopefully you can see by the amount of replies

Gentle hugs x

[Tammy5 in reply to Lizzyear]

Awwww thank you so much, i do realise its not just me but is still hard, i do still try with my friends but i agree my family are the people i need to stay close with. Thank you again

[Tammy5 in reply to Tammy5]

It seems t be I'm using my illness as an excuse. I sure don't think so i would giv my right arm not to feel like this anymore.

[clare_hart]

I am so sorry you are this unwell and hope it passes to some degree so you can enjoy company again. In the meantime, as others have suggested, please don't feel guilty but do undertand his POV.

I have never been a social butterfly but I find I can't take even my prior levels of interaction. Many of my friends have fallen away. They think I have purposefully hurt tham and don't want to be subject to that again, even though I have tried to explain. It sucks.

I am happy you wish to stay close to your family. I could be closer in my communications (though only one sister lives near me), but they are loving even when I complain that they don't care enough. They put up with my rants and tell me I am all screwed up about that! What a relief to be loved.

[Tammy5 in reply to clare_hart]

Thank you, all the lovely comments makes me feel alot better