They don't call me complex for nothing! I have had quite an eye opener into myself in the last week. 8 weeks ago I finally gave in and went on to antidepressants for anxiety and depression. I feel so much better and I'm sleeping right through the night now. I have struggled for the last two years worrying about what people think about me. There has been one big issue that has upset me deeply about something that was said about me by someone I thought I could trust. I have allowed this to eat away at me making me ill . I have imagined ill feeling even from friends and been really prickly around acquaintances FOR 2 YEARS -what a waste of life! On Thursday I saw the Psychotherapist for the first time having been referred to her in December but she said as I'm better its best not to dredge it all up again so discharged me after a 40 minute chat. From there I popped in on a friend who I have been upset with. We talked and I cried and I realised that all that's been wrong is that she doesn't need people like I do. She likes me, enjoys seeing me when I pop in but she, unlike me, enjoys her own company. She apologised for being like that and said she'd missed me. I was a bit sarcastic when she said all the right things like see you soon and I've missed you because she's said those things before. I suppose she has taken my friendship for granted but that doesn't mean she doesn't like me. I've been hurting for 2 years because she was the one who told me what had been said about me and I've thought that was why she seemed to distance herself. Seems I've had it all wrong. Then today I had a heart to heart with another friend who upset me 6 weeks ago and discovered that there was nothing behind the reaction I perceived there to be during a conversation. So that's sorted. However, I'm obviously very easily upset, allow things to fester and just don't cope with stuff very well and make myself ill. I just wish I was different. I think we fibromites can be a bit too sensitive and are prone to depression because of it then we get all the aches and pains and the tummy upsets. It's been a revelation but I don't like being so complex!
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