Never liked the holidays.

I don't know about anyone else but I have never liked the holidays. Mainly because it is so commercialized. We are more interested in the food and presents, not to give thanks and celebrate the birth of Christ. This year I have no money to buy presents for anyone so I'm thinking about not even going to the family Christmas get together. All I do is sit by myself and watch everyone opening their presents. I'm also the only single person there. It just depresses me. So should I go to make an appearance and be miserable? I'm sure my Fibro has a lot to do with my emotional state but to be honest I would rather stay home. Would like other peoples opinion.

[haribo36]

Good morning mark,Iam sorry to hear that you are feeling so low.How do you think you will feel though being on your own?Do you think you will feel worse than if you were not with your family?Can you not just explain to your family that you feel so bad not having money to get presents?I do understand how you feel though as Xmas is so commercialised now and I myself find that I get a bit carried away with it too but I just want my kids to not feel left out being a single parent unable to work.Ive actually had money this year to get a lot of presents as I had some money that my grandad left to me when he died.Are you feeling bad cos you can't buy people presents so is this making you feel like you can't be around them?I have had this before where I couldn't buy family presents and I hated being around them watching them open presents and feeling guilty.I find it hard being around my family as I feel like I dont fit in and having fibro makes it worse.I think that being on your own over Xmas May make you feel worse but that is a decision that only you can make xxx

[Hidden in reply to haribo36]

I feel bad for many reasons. Yes I can't buy any presents but I have found that I have no desire to join in. I fell isolated. I'm sure because of the Fibro. It's an effort to do anything. If I stay home for Christmas I'm sure it will be a little depressing but to be honest, I will be probably be depressed even if I go. Maybe more so as I watch everyone happy and enjoying themselves. It's also a long drive and I have anxiety with the Fibro. I will just have to wait till Christmas moring and make my decision then.

[Hidden]

I have felt this way for years. Before I became an uncle and there were no children I tried to get the family to draw name. We were all adults and had jobs so we didn't need to buy gifts. But they wouldn't go along. For the past two years money has been tight an now I have none. Having to sell my house just to live. My brother knows my condidition but not sure if they understand how bad it is. During Thanksgiving I ate a little, then made some small talk then sat by myself while the children are the center of attention. I feel Christmas will be worse as everyone exchange presents while I feel emmbearsed sitting alone and having nothing to give. Yes I would feel better staying at home.

[Hidden]

It's not uncommom to feel this way. I don't particularly like christmas myself, but I put on a smile and go through the motions for my families sake. the new year I like to look forward to what is in store, far more interesting than stuffing one's face with food and drink. If I didn't have family I would love to help the homeless have a warm meal and some company on xmas day. We should at this time of year look at what we have, rather than what we haven't. Your family will love you regardless of what you spend. You have no doubt wisdom and life experience to give, nothing beats that. Hope I haven't offended anyone, we are all different and it would be boring if we were all the same. I lost my brother four weeks ago so no doubt my thoughts will be with him, and his family x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I hope you are right that my family will love me regardless. They all know my situation. I have no money, I'm having to sell my house and once that money is gone, if I don't get disability I'll be out in the street. No one has offered that if I need a place to stay I can stay with then except for my daughter who hinted I could stay with her, But she has only been married a few years and is due with her first child in Feb. So the last thing they want to deal with is me and I would hate to a burden to them. I can only hope I get my disability.

[bluebell99]

Hi Mark5177

I understand where you are coming from especially with all the commercialism. However, there are ways around your dilemma.

Would it be possible to go when the family have already opened their presents? Or leave beforehand?

I saw a programme that said if you cannot afford presents offer something of yourself like babysitting, cleaning an oven etc. You can make an IOU to put in a Christmas card and it will be appreciated by the recipients.

If your family have asked you to attend then they want you to share the day, otherwise you would not have the invitation. You could ask your brother to discretely inform the others of your financial situation to save any embarrassment.

Why don't you go around just for an hour or two, you may need your family support in the future and shutting yourself away could give the impression you don't care about any of them so why should they care for you?

There are many people who have no choice but to be alone at Christmas, you are lucky enough to be given the chance to be with people who love you.

Whatever you decide I wish you well and hope you have a good day.

Xx

[Maggiet]

Hi there, I can really understand how you feel. Have you thought of volunteering for a couple of hours on Christmas day? You could then go to be with your family after. I once volunteered at my local hospice and they really need help. If you are too unwell to help in a physical way, there are always patients that have no one to visit them and just want some company. Where i live now, they have a christmas day meal for people on their own (mainly elderly) and need helpers for that too. Your local paper should have some details of events. A brilliant idea about the IOU s in a card as well. I really hope you get some happiness from Christmas. All the best, Maggie.

[Hidden in reply to Maggiet]

I would love to volunteer somewhere, but I don't have the energy to do that. I also have anxiety which would make it even more difficult, but thank for the idea. If I give IOU, I would feel like it is a empty promise because it will be a long time before I can fulfill them.

[Maggiet in reply to Hidden]

I know, the lack of energy is truly awful and those that are fit really don't get it. I have depression and most of the time I know when I'm looking into the black hole that I need to do something about it. This year I didn't and I ended up in the hole trying to get out. Then, as you are most probably familiar with, I caught various physical ailments and I'm off work sick this week. I really hope that you can spend a couple of hours with your family - children are great mood lifters. I really do feel you would be better for a bit of company. But whatever you decide, I wish you all the very best and you are always assured of a reply and understanding on this forum.

[Hidden in reply to Maggiet]

That's Maggiet. Yes i understand that blackhole feeling. I hope you feel better soon.

[Hidden]

Thanks for all the advise. I'm not sure yet what I will do for Christmas. I think I will make decision on Christmas morning and see how I feel. Another problem Iface is I have to drive an hour to my brother's house which will cause me anxiety and my car's tires are getting bald. With the pain meds and the Fibro, I get tired easy. I don't think I would fall asleep at the wheel, but it's just going to be a hugh effort to go, both emotionally and physically.

What is ironic, when I went to Thanksgiving, I faced the same problems. (excluding the presents) Unless you have Fibro, no one knows how hard it is and how much you give of yourself just to go to these family events. In my opinion, you can't put a price on it. It's harder than buying presents, fixing dinner, putting up decorations, etc. They have no idea how hard it is.

If I don't go to my family gathering for Christmas, I can always call. If they don't understand, it's not my fault and I can't feel guilty over something I can't control. God bess you all. It's helps to know that there are others out there that do understand.

[Hidden]

Dear Mark,

Please don't stress yourself out over 1 day of the year. I do not celebrate xmas for many reasons; I am not a Christian, I am a spiritual person who does not take part in any man-made religion. I also know the history of this so-called celebration and I refuse to worship a Roman god.You are so right about the commerciality of this time of year, I refuse to take part in it.

For me it is a great day for some 'me' time. I can stay in my jammies all day long, read, listen music (I can't stand the stuff they show on TV) and generally do what I want without having to take part in all the nonsence. My daughter goes to my mum as do most of the family and I love my own company, peace and quiet. Please, take some time for yourself and only do what you want to. Sometimes, our families have to be forced into thinking about our fibro and other conditions and I've found out that my absence made it easier for them to get it. They start to question themselves and their behaviour.

It took a while for my family to understand, but it makes for a better day for all without my miserable mug moaning about all the rubbish and having the freedom to say and do what I want without upsetting others. I am not a hypocrite and always speak my mind whether they want ot hear it or not.

Wishing you much love and many blessing whatever you decide to do.