Rules for this joke stress diet .............

[Morwenna]

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts." This is just joke stress relief humor and stress.

[jillylin]

[bluebell99]

Calorie counting diet starts today mince pies cut in four so they can leak out, brilliant!!

[hamble99b]

loved it! chuckled enough to equal small choccie bar

[bluebell99]

I have several more

Meals that are cooked have all the calories burned off.

Ice-cream has no calories, they can't survive in the cold.

When you cut into food the calories escape.

If only dieting was so easy,

[Ginsing]

heheheh xgins

[Zosie]

This is brilliant, had a much needed chuckle as sleeping away from home and only managed 3 hours morning gins, how are you? Did you catch any fireworks last night? Xoxo

[Ginsing in reply to Zosie]

Hi Zosie no Fireworks afraid we get upset the farm animals get rally upset by large bangs so they only went off on the 5th but did some damage I didnt see them but my friend Dot says her maternity group of cows were traumatised (it is a shame cause I love them) How are you dooing Zosie are you bright and sunny today

[haribo36]

Morning folks,I love this! If only it worked though,tut tut,oh well.Hows everyone?

[Hidden]

Briliant

xxxzebxxx

[ladytelita]

Lol, Oh if only this was true.

P.

[Lucyhobbit]

And calories lurk in the corners, so if you eat something round (biscuits, donuts etc.) there are no calories too!

[2592sc]

Lol!!

[Zosie]

Hi Gins,

I know what you mean, our cat Suki got very frightened last night and we were away (!) but I arranged for her 'grandma' to pop over. I am feeling a lt better for this nortriptylene I must say. I got pretty low last week but I think with a bit more rest time I might see the lack of this flare up. The thought of that makes me feel like a different woman! In the words of Zeb, boing!!

How many animals and what sorts do you have Gins?

Xoxo

[Ginsing in reply to Zosie]

Zosie I am down to one lovely black Lab now, Having said that we have a tame pig in the field and a heard of sheep and across the road there is the maternity feild where my friend cows await their new arrivals. Makes me s

mile

gentle hugs to you xgins

[Zosie]

Oh sorry, Gins, I didn't know. What's your pig called?

[Mdaisy in reply to Zosie]

Gins is so going to say Babe LOL

[Ginsing]

We call her "Piggy wiggy woo" and she hurtles across the field for a bit of what ever

You should see my OH shouting hehehe

[Mdaisy in reply to Ginsing]

tee hee... Must get some more recent pictures of my pooches to show you all... Pet therapy definitely helps in my own personal opinion. I'll grab the OH after the footie to take some pics being he is a photographer and I might be able to post today or tomorrow x As they were tiny pups last pictures on here and in fact they were a year yesterday !

[Zosie]

Morning Mdaisy, looking forward to seeing them. I know what you men about pet therapy. We got Sue in the summer and without her company during this flare up I think I'd be a very sad girl!

Piggy wiggy woo, brilliant!