Life and feelings

[hog2203]

I've no idea what a blog is or does but I guess I will just write about life and feelings. I have been diagnosed fribromyaalgia for around 8-10 years although suffered longer, it has cost me my business as I could no longer keep up with the work, it has cost me my friends as I never felt up to doing anything. I have had like many of you out there a mountain load of greif from ATOS and it has almost finished me off as I haave lost the will tto fight them. My last case I won after 8 months of uncertainty and stress so not really a victory. I cannot talk about things at home as I have aa 17 year old daughter who shows all the symptoms of fibromyalgia and is petrified she will end up like me when she gets older, I cannot function properly and by 7pm my day is over even making a coffee is too much and I find staing awaake almost impossible. With no one to talk to I find myself getting more and more depressed and just really want to stick my head in a hole and let the world go past, don't get me wrong my wife is wonderful and supports me the best she can but nothing can stop me feeling like a waste of time while I am sitting on the sofa completely shattered because I have gotten up and sshe is doing all the house work, and as for talking to her about my problems and how I feel I married her to provide for her now I am a useless waste of space what will it aaccomplish by telling her how useless I am and how little I can do, how weak I am that while she iss out I find it hard to stop crying due to pain and the feelings of being a burden and that the only thing I have ever given my daughter could be a life time of pain .

[Ginsing]

Oh Hog you sound in need of some one to chat too........well we are always here and there is someone who can help with advice as to how tyo takle our pain or at least how they cope. Coping strategies are so important learning how to pace yourself so your energy reserves last through the day set your self challenges that you can do and gradually build on the ones you do achieve. Your other half will be more understanding than you give her due for the fact the hoovering doesent get done is a small thing in the greater scheme of our lives.

Relax enjoy your life as much as you can with your daughter - other half - any friends that you have not alienated.

For your tears you need to see your GP and see if anti depressants could help do not suffer alone. A burden shared is a bruden halved xgins

[hog2203]

Thank you for your kinds words, my wife would probably be as wonderful as she has been for all these years but to burden her with more would just be unfair when she has so much to deal with, although she is a strong woman she can only take so much. As for seeing the doctor I have gotten to the stage where I have had enough I am taking around 200 tablets a week and don't really want any more but also I have had enough of going to the doctors and being told "well it's part of your condition" that I now try to stay away.

[Hidden]

Hello, really feel for you I too am going through a tough time. Talk to your wife you'll be surprised how it will feel to get those feelings out in the open, I am sure she doesn't feel you are a burden, don't worry too much about your daughter she may not have fibro see how things go for her.

Have you seen a rheumatologist, there is only so much a GP can do. I would say to you don't just be told "it's part of your condition" Fibro is a tough one but it can be managed, speak to your GP tell him/her exactly how you feel and that you need help. I know all this is easier said than done but do try to make the effort to talk to your GP. I know you say you are on a lot of medication but if it isn't helping much maybe it needs looking at or changing and an anti depressant could help you cope. As gins has said do not suffer alone.

I wish you well, Mary

[ladymoth]

Hello Hog,

I feel great sympathy for your sadness, but let's be practical for a moment. You have been ill for some years, and you are taking an awful lot of tablets - far too many I would say.

Things have moved on, and I think it would be well worth while going back to your doctor and insisting on a referral to a rheumatologist, and if possible a neurologist as well.

Don't take 'no' for an answer - it's high time you had some decent treatment, as no-one should be suffering as you are, and be fobbed off by their doctor.

It's not impossible that your daughter may get fibro at some stage, but it's not inevitable, and I would encourage her to think positively and not to worry too much about the future - fibro doesn't appear to be hereditary as far as we know.

Write a list of your outstanding difficulties, make an appointment with your doc, and take your missus with you if at all possible. Move a bit of dust and insist on a referral - these doctors get paid enough for heavens sake - let's have our money's worth!

Also, you are clearly and understandably depressed, and this is treatable. Never think of yourself as a waste of space, because you're not, and you need to have some counselling to help you overcome this thought.

I do hope you can manage to overcome your difficulties, and I'm sure you will if you just take it one step at a time.

In the meantime, if you are desperate, you can always call Samaritans samaritans.org They provide a 24/7 listening service for people who are feeling despair.

Best Wishes

Moffy x

[hog2203]

Thank you all for your comments I will follow up on all I can and keep all you words in mind. I am greatful for finding this page but must apologise now as I feel I will probably become a pest with my questions and blog posts.

[Wendylulu]

Hi Hog

I second all that Moffy has just said. I'm not being sexist but I think men with this " F " word must find it very difficult as they are nurtured/ nature(??!) to be the provider/ caveman/ silent/ strong one. Counselling/ CBT will help.

Go give your wife and daughter a big ( gentle) hug and tell them how you feel.

Feeling loved is a great balm.

The very best to you

Wendy

[suffolklass]

Hello.

Nobody is a waste of space, please don't think that about yourself. You need some help to make you feel better about yourself.

You have good advice above so please think about it and give it a go?

Take care, x

[haribo36]

Hi there,Iam so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time.I too can sympathise as I often have these thoughts myself on my bad days.It is important to talk to someone even if you can't manage to talk to your wife about how you feel.When I was at my lowest with my condition I felt suicidal quite frequently but I managed to speak to my g.p about how I felt.I was already taking anti-depressant for my pain and my g.p increased the dose to help with the depression.I have suffered with depression for years so I know how dark and gloomy it can make you feel.It is very important that you do get help for it as it can quite easily spiral out of control and it will make you feel your fm pain even more.I do hope that you can get some help and speak to your g.p and when you feel able to speak you your wife as well.All the best,this is a great site as it has really helped me reading other people's blogs and writing blogs and asking questions.There always seems to be someone who is going through something similar or has been through the same thing,and loads of support and advice x