Inspired by Gins recent boating holiday Moffy and I decided that's what we all need a nice relaxing holiday floating around in the sea somewhere warm .. So we decided to head off to France for a relaxing break....
Unfortunately having no money, we had to find a way to get there..... My neighbours have gone away leaving their bouncy castle in the garden ... So pushing a note through their door and grabbing two spades as paddles I collected moffy and we hit the sea at Dover .... After half an hours frantic paddling with the spades we were still near land ... Tired out and confused after getting lots of shouts from passing yachts... We looked behind us .......
There was foggy on the most amazing contraption of a wooden horse on skis getting a tow from us!!!!!! And lots of cheers from passing ships .....
Any assistance.. Plenty of room on the bouncy castle .... Or anyone with a boat to get us to France please come to our aid.... If only to cut foggy free from us as she is slowing us down...
Flippin 'eck! Look at that cabin cruiser going by. Foggy's hitched a lift, and she's sitting in the bows drinking champers and giving us the Royal Wave.
Funny that - I've never seen HM Queen do it with only two fingers!
Must be that skimpy swimsuit .... Watches as the horse on skis follows us... Does it have a little outboard motor under its tail...?
Well really foggy such behaviour .. And she didnt even get it to stop and pick us up..... Waves her spade furiously at foggy.. I think we have moved another 10 meters forward...
We appear to have sprung a leak. VG here is a sieve, start bailing while I flag down a passing ferry and ask if they have a puncture repair kit. throw a bucket of water over moffy quickly, she's gone brick red trying to blow the bouncy castle up again,
Thanks Jilly we dont have a bucket ... Only a sieve .... Quickly ties moffy to the bouncy castle with a spare pair of tights..... Why did you bring those moffy?? .. And pushes her over board to cool down
Mind the horse on skis it appears to be catching up with us out of control.....
.. think I can help here ,a elderly woman a few doors down has her extra extra large apple catchers on the line ,could get my partner to get over her back fence and get them for you as I know she is out today ,trouble is I think my partner will need some persuading ,but a few pints of john smiths and he'll be up for it!!!, OMG!!! IS THAT A SHARK?!! IT IS ...IT ..IS A SHARK.....!!!! QUICK GIRLS ABANDON BOUNCY CASTLE !!!
Not to worry tis only Gins with a fin strapped to her back .... Please don't ask why....... The only thing worrying me is why I borrowed next doors bouncy castle when the man a few doors down has a dinghy with an outboard motor
... Blames it on fibro fog and tries to open the padlock on Moffys suitcase....
Whoah Kismet, as she tries to steer her wood horse to calmer waters, but slides in a very inelegant way to the sea, good thing she has two wet suits on and is a junior champion swimmer, anyone got some goose fat thgh for the face?
Having swallowed what seems like a gallon of water foggy remounts her steed and having given it a good kick turns round to attempt a rendezvous with VG, Moffy and Jilly, though she has a cunning plan up her sleeve as retribution for the harsh way her friends want. To dump her
Throws a tub of lard at foggy and hauls moffy back onboard ... Cooler now???
Then reveals a Kiss me quick hat and a very rude shaped stick of rock I bought from Blackpool before we turned around.... I think we might be heading for Ireland. Somehow
I have grabbed foggy she needs to come with us oops can I come please? So os it Ireland or France or Jersey inbetween oh how wonderful of lovely bergeracs could do with one of those. So please weigh your anchor or just throw me over about now xgins
Hauls foggy aboard the bouncy castle with the soggy tights ... Here save moffy from collapsing and stick your toe in the puncture hole... Jilly went to get a puncture repair kit off a rather nice cruise officer and hasn't returned... Fans moffy with the improvised knicker sail ......upon hearing the words knicker sale moffy jumps to her feet and looks around for an M & S..... Ha I knew that would revive you .. Now get paddling
Anchor anchor looks around frantically for the anchor ... Throws a tub of margarine at Gins ... It's the nearest we have to anchor.....
Though you could take the ironing board... Don't ask I take it everywhere and Moffys large thermal knickers and wind sail to jersey..... Or cardigan bay... Just don't ask us to pullover ... We have no rudder...
Omg u mad lot , I haven't laughed like that for ages, I did think of joining u to offer u some blue tack to plug the hole but I don't like boats and am prettified of water, reading this was better than watching a comedy on the tv, three cheers for the fibro actors and comediens, let me know when the next episode is LOL, I was feeling so low too, thanx for that, gentle hugs for you all ...Dee xxxx
Jumps back on board with load of bargain knickers from M&S sale and
saws ironing board into neat rudder shape.
Throws packed lunch with home made scones overboard to act as anchor. Sorted!
What are we going to eat ... It's ok for you moth woman you can eat the sail...... And how did you get that sea saw..... Bounces to the back of the castle and finds some left over jelly tots tucked down the back .... Yum......
Furtively gobbles cream cakes and smoked salmon sandwiches purchased in M&S. Lots more stashed in suitcase - also purchased in M&S. Maybe I'll share them in a while ... maybe hehehe!
we ate cake for a week excellent rations we bought them in local shop about 18inches long that is the VG . But fish would be good I can catch them with a little tickle especially if ladymoth wont share anyone got tartare sauce i do love that with fish and chips oh noone said chips ............
Splutter splutter........... Can someone call the Air Sea Rescue pplllleeease, it's bloney cold and I've been stranded here floating on my back for hours on end and no-one even seems to have noticed..................
But but but you went for a puncture repair kit... Foggy has had her toe in the hole for hours.......
And why was that officer looking at your navel while you weighed the anchor ..... Hmmmm
;-/
We had noticed foggy you are the only thing keeping the bouncy castle afloat ... We may have to amputate your toe though...... Now where did moffy put the sea saw.... Looks round about...
I have a couple of air matresses if they any god to you and some cycle puncture repair kits kickin about no good takin my oh on a cruse he gets sea sick just lookin at a ship. Sithy
After a night of pleasure, I was once described as being like a bouncy castle. I didn't know whether to charge him an admission fee or clout the so&so round the chops grrrrr
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xgins
anyone got tartare sauce i do love that with fish and chips oh noone said chips ............
