On entering the forum today I was surprised to find I had to cross a moat walk under a portcullis where I narrowly escaped an arrow shot at me from a slitted window and a drop of boiling oil just missed my shoulder.... I looked up to find Moffy and Foggy in full mediaevil dress defending fibro towers... Get changed and come in they yelled its mediaevil day the knights are jousting the hog is roasting.. And we are getting ready to defend against an attack . I rushed into the the volunteer room expecting to find armour or a long flowing gown and found.... A serfs costume and a note report to the kitchen .. You are on hog duties....
So welcome to castle fibro.... And come Join in the action as we live and defend the castle...
You can do the hard work, VG, like turning the spit over the hot coals, but Foggy can make the gravy, 'cos last time you got it all lumpy, and you know that our Lord, The Baron Flogworthy, just cannot abide lumps in his hog gravy.
Me, well, I'm going to float off to the garden in my diphannious frock, to daintily pick some rasberries for puddin' - that's enough hard work for a ladye like wot I am!
I might just gambol past the jousting field to drop a scented hanky here or there and see if i can pull a Knight for the night.
I'm a bit fed up with men, though - they WILL lounge on the sofa watching 'Execution of the day' drinking mead,and belching, with no thought for us ladyes at all!
I'm orf to do ladye things - watch that hog well, ye serf!
Tugs at forelock and carried on with her olde worlde invention of getting the court dogs their exercise by rigging up their leashes to the handle and then setting them off walking in a large circle thus turning the spit..
Foggy has gone to the court physician to get her burnt fingers checked... Last time she is allowed near the hog ... Though she was dressed from head to foot in armour not sure how her fingers will be examined.... I would have given her a tin opener but they haven't been invented yet......
Yours lazily
VG ... Serf in the Internet for a better job than hog turner
Sef in the internet! Doh - that's really scraping the bottom of ye barrelle!
Poor Ladye Foggie - I hope she hasn't burned her fingers again on the Court Physician - I have heard he's ye Hotte Stuffe!
Actually she burnt them in the vat Of bubbling hot oil she was preparing for the enemy who send a message tied to an arrow warning us of an attack.... Seems a bit stupid to me to warn us....., anyway methinks she burned her fingers accidentally on purpose just to get to see the court physician ... He is newly trained and rather handsome and has lots of special bags of potions.....
Good morning my Lords and Ladies Ladye Foggie Ethelfleda Fitzharry at your service, I have just consulted the court physician and slathered my poor burnt fingers in honey which he informs me will soothe me, I feeling very faint went into a swoon and came too in his arms, oh my a hottie stuffie in armour and a physician too, what more can a Ladye want. H offered me a tour of his new potions and lotions, which again sent me into a swoon, so he being a Knightye of the Realme brought me back on his stunning white charger.........well, by the time we arrived I was, fully charged and muchly restored......alas as i fell into another swoon just as he was galloping away, though i know he will return ere long with more honey and potions, oh my.........falls into another swoon.
Sorry seems foggy has taken the whole hog to tempt the court physician .... Don't believe in her damsel in distress pleas... She just showed him her fingers and whacked him over the head with the hog then she rumagged in his potions bagge and made a love potion which she poured down his throat while he was stunned....
Comes too and dashes off to get in place to defend the castle, very strange that the henemy sends word of ye oncoming battle............places another hog on the spit and leaves the serfs attending it.........goes and changes her wimple and finery for a suit of armour as, despite all the swoons, she is a tomboy at heart and ready to defend home and country
That's not elbow grease that's the old rancid fat from the hog roast.... Hands jilly the right stuff and goes to heat up the rancid fat to pour over the rather stupid enemies heads....when they arrive...
ps what do us serfs wear for the battle...... Can I wear my dragon costume?????
I do hope you haven't...........have you ?..........dragon costume.........OMW..............,
Moffy sent me the costume in the post..... Looks innocent..... Hmmm I think I might have an old potato sack I can cut some holes in.... What are the ashes for... Are we holding an cricket competition.... Now whilst we are preparing for battle...... ... I don't think the knights would like their jousting pitch turned into a cricket pitch..... Ahh what to I know I am only a serf... Goes to get some sheep to nibble the grass down to cricket pitch length.........
What ho....did someone saying jousting.......turns up on a familiar looking grey charger now finely regaled in appropriate jousting gear and with a very very long lance in hand .........anyone for a match?
I don't think Matches have been invented yet......
But then I don't think cricket has either.... Let me just clear the sheep away....
I must point out here I have a horse phobia so I am balancing my jousting pole under my arm while skipping towards you knocking coconut halfs together to make the sound of hooves .....
Falls off horse laughing and is promptly knocked to the ground by the oncoming pole.......and must point out she is hallergic to coconuts and promptly passes out.............
Whereupon Sir Bartholonew McWotshisname runs to aid a damsel in distress and promptly pins the serf VG to the ground and attempts in error to administer the kiss of life.........
It would be better if he opened his visor first... These knights .. Dunno who trains em.... Must be Sandra... All I am getting is a whiff of Meade breath..... Fights him off with a potato sack.... Go and man the ramparts ....and leave me to sort out foggy.....she's getting a little trampled upon by her horse.......
Oh whoops, what's happened, where is my dress and wimple and what am I doing wearing a suit of armour?.........here serf help. Ladye to her feet...........
Wimple.... You a nun ..... Chokes then. Helps foggy to her feet .. I can't help you dress I am afraid I am covered in ashes ......as the cricket match was cancelled
Thinks ........drat Bimbay Sapphire hasn't been invented yet.......grabs the mead and tonic from Moffy and slurps it down in one very unelegant fashioni and falls ( yet again- this is becoming a habit, and NO it's not the nun thing before you start VG. to the floor, this time not as a swoon but completly trollied..............alas alac .. . . . ...........
I'm missing the jousting as I have to get the squires sword from this stone but it won't let go...but what did owd Merlin say...oh aye...Thy must push before thy pulleth...(now that brings back memories).
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to the floor, this time not as a swoon but completly trollied..............alas alac .. . . . ...........
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