Been TTC for 2.5 years. After a failed FET from our first ICSI we have had a longish break from treatment to try and get my body (and head) back to normal before doing another FET with our second (and last) frozen embryo. We had to postpone our first full cycle as I got ill with OHSS. So our failed FET was back in November and nothing has happened since. However im feeling more depressed as the weeks pass and the more pregnancy announcements i hear the harder its getting. I sometimes feel like i want to stop wanting to have this baby so much so i can live a normal life again but know this will never happen as I want to be a mother more than anything (as well as being happy again!) im crying all the time, look fine on the outside but hurting every second of the day even in my sleep on the inside. i have tried accupuncture, counselling, support groups, talking to people, changing my diet, throwing myself back into work, working out, writing a blog, getting pampered etc but i literally feel like im drowning in horrible negative thoughts. Im not the sort of person to give up on things but its how i feel lately. You prob wouldnt think im depressed if you met me but i feel like im dying inside without sounding too dramatic! But how do women cope? I feel like im having a crisis and want to run away from it all but theres no hiding! I dont want to go on antidepressants as they will hinder chances of getting PG and dont want my GP records to show im depressed in case it jeapordizes future chances of adoption. Sorry for the negative moan but just not sure what to do. I may be greiving a little bit late after our failed cycle x
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