Today I have woken up and felt like the world is on top of me. I’m day three of stims for my second cycle and I don’t feel like I am getting the support or answers from my clinic I would like.
Previously I have been happy with them and plodded along with their very laid back approach but now I’m getting very wound up. I only speak with the consultant when we have a failed transfer and they always say the same. “ you are only 28 and produced very good quality blastocysts so let’s keep things the same”. Every time we gear ourselves up and say we want to do tests and investigations they talk us down.
This morning I have requested advice and explained how we are feeling and I’ve had nothing back!
Im so fed up of the whole process and feel like they are expecting us to go through hell before trying something new. We have had 1 failed, 1 miscarriage and 1 chemical. Last month we went for our baseline and was told I was possibly natural pregnant but was bleeding so sent on my way to take tablets and then start again on next bleed. Nothing from my consultant.
Feeling very overwhelmed today 😣
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RubyVet
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Not surprised! That’s a lot. I would honestly say if you don’t feel supported then perhaps do this round and if it’s not successful then think about going somewhere else. Perhaps ask for recommendations. People in the same area can pm you with details. IVF is so hard so you are entitled to feel like you are being listened to and supported when you need it? Does the clinic have a counsellor you can contact? At my clinic you could have one free session with every cycle.
I’m sorry you feel overwhelmed. I know that feeling well and it is awful.
I would be so angry if I was in your situation right now, and rightly so. Your fertility clinic seems incredibly frustrating!
Your age does not matter. You are paying them. You have had one failed cycle already. You don’t want to go through the turmoil of another if it’s in vain and they are getting something wrong. What a waste of emotional resources, money, and of course the precious embryos!
I would be writing a strongly worded email or making a not so pleasant phone call. I stopped being so nice partway through this process and started demanding things. I learned I had to advocate strongly for myself.
This whole process is so hard. They should be going out of their way to make it easier on you. I hope you get some answers and good luck with the current cycle. 🤞🏼🤞🏼
That’s exactly how I feel. Just waiting for more pain to come at us before trying something new. Thank you for words of encouragement, I will be contacting them today again to express my concerns.
It’s difficult - I was 37/38 when I started IVF. I was told by a nurse that your first IVF cycle is like ‘a trial run’ which at the time made me angry!
Saying that I can now see what she meant, they don’t know how you’ll react to medication or transfer and what the final results will be! And also it’s takes on average 3 rounds to be successful - but obviously that can change.
After our first round we changed consultants to another one (we are at a large outfit in London)
She changed our stim meds but kept the same protocol length. We produce one extra top quality blast but still had no pregnancy, by this time I was 40, so my chances were dropping to 5 % success anyway.
We decided to go for known donor egg from my 30 yr old sister, first transfer back we are 20 weeks now.
You might only be 28, but time flies and it really does- us ladies don’t have time on our side, men are slight luckier my husbands 59 and his boys are still working. It annoys me when your told your achieving top quality blasts, there only top quality due to the embryologists opinion on the day who is looking at them! Our eggs can’t be tested and all AMH is telling us is what your reserve is, not what the quality is.
If there’s anything I’ve learnt from reading this forum and my own experience be ruled by your head not your heart, this process needs a logical approach, I feel private clinics are just out to make money as they are a business at the end of the day and from what you describe it sounds like this is the case here!
Has your husband/partners sample been fully investigated with a dna fragmentation test - there is too much focus on the female here and several ladies are going through lots of rounds before this is being looked at to find it’s an issue with their partner. It costs about £500, but you need to start the process of elimination here.
You could look at ERA/Emma and Alice. ERA is checking your womb linings optimum time of receptivity, are they putting them back at the right time do you need extra hours of progesterone
You would need to research but normally embryos fail due to being abnormal in some way, do have both of you been genetically tested or have any family history of genetic issues
These are only a few considerations to look at, but I think it’s unreasonable of your clinic to allow you just to plod on
We haven’t had anything other than to check his sperm count and then my AMH and AFC ( just the standard tests before you start) We looked into sperm DNA and the ERA/EMMA/ALICE but the clinic put us off saying they really didn’t think we needed it. But I think how do we know what we do or don’t need until we try it? I’m going to contact her again today and push for some answers and more guidance. Ive looked at other clinics too just to see what they would request for us.
It’s not like I have an endless pot of money but we are willing to spend what we can so we can see some results. My clinic just don’t want us to spend the money 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. It’s really helpful xxx
I understand what your saying about the finances, we haven’t got an endless pot either, we have spent £40,000 in total on 3 rounds, the donor round being the most expensive.
But in some ways the clinic just plodding along not changing or investigating anything will cost you more money in the long run as it could be if they identify the cause it can be sorted out resulting in less rounds/transfers.
The ERA was recommended to us, but instead the consultant said try Canesflor pessaries as they are £15 over the counter as against £2000. If they don’t work we would look at ERA, but we didn’t need to as we were successful.
The DNA frag test is about £500, we automatically did it before the first round due to my husband being mid 50’s, but clinics don’t seem to routinely offer this until you ask for it. There have been couples on here on their 3rd or 4th round before this is done to find that there is a male factor issue, by that time you’ve spent thousands already which again in my mind is totally irresponsible on the clinics part!
Hi RubyVet. So sorry to hear that you feel so Meh! Why don't you have a look at the support we offer through our Webinars which are listed on the Home Page of our website fertilitynetworkuk.org they cover all sorts of subjects and support, so do have a look. Remember to take up any ofers of counselling too where possible. Hope you soon pick up again. Thinking of you. Diane
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