Apologies in advance if I begin to ramble but recently I’ve found it hard to shake off my anxiety and get focused on my upcoming FET.
Many of you know I got my dog Tilly after my first MMC, a few weeks back she started hoping on her back leg and I thought nothing of it but after a trip to the Vets turns out she’s damaged her cruciate ligament and will likely need surgery - the thought of it terrifies me.
As the times gone on my moods got lower and lower and I just feel like such a failure, my bodies failed being able to get pregnant naturally the most normal thing for a woman, it’s then failed to keep my precious babies safe and I know feel like I’ve failed Tilly. I know some will think shes ‘just a dog’ but I’m sure most of you agree for us our animals give us a purpose.
I’ve been seeking counselling but it’s a years waiting list so I’m currently looking to have some privately. I don’t know whether I should go through with my FET while mentally I feel so exhausted and unmotivated for treatment - something I’ve never experienced before now. The other part of me thinks will I ever be ready, will the fear of more heartache always enable me to find an excuse to put it off. What happened to my desire to hold my healthy baby out weighing my fear of trying again 😢