Don't feel like I can do this anymore

Hi. Having a really bad time at the moment not sure if I can continue on this journey 😒😒 feel very depressed and low. We failed our ivf in august only got 1 egg. Meant to be paying private for a donor egg cycle soon. A good friend of mine told me yesterday she's pregnant. Her and her husband both have a very unhealthy lifrstyle, both eat and drink a lot, have Juat been to the Caribbean with threat of the zika virus and hadn't even started trying for a baby! ! Seems so unfair but you feel bad for even thinking that. I feel the longer I'm in thus journey the harder it ll be and the more bitter I ll be. I don't want to be like that unabe to share in friends joy or dreading the next pregnancy announcement at work. I've always wanted to adopt maybe that is my calling in life not this xx

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  • Oh bless you, ive been so wrapped up in myself I haven't asked how you were xxx. I know this feeling all too well try to be strong give it another shot xxx

  • Thanks. Think it just hits you sonetimes out of the blue. Will be thinking of you today xx

  • Awww. So sorry to hear you feel this way. You are not the only my love. I went to my friend's daughter's second birthday over the weekend and everyone that attended either had a baby or one on the way. My friend is also expecting and all they spoke about was their babies and how hard it is to be pregnant whilst I sat in the corner making myself invisible. You do feel bad for feeling this way but remember that it's the situation you find yourself in. We are all human and it is perfectly normal but I do understand the element of guilt because it is someone you are close to.

    Please way up your options depending on your situation and do what is best for you.

    Big hugs. Xx

  • Donor egg IVF cycle are more successful than own after failed IVFs.Good luck.

    Adoption is good option to end frustration.

  • Yea although donor eggs are not always successful either. Think I'm scared of using up all our life savings for nothing but think id regret not trying xx

  • Hey hon

    I've looked into de too. The reasons the odds are better is they are usually from under 25s which if they do ivf their%of success is high.

    Also the success rate in private clinics is as soon as a beta is a positive one. They don't follow up to check it continues or results in a successful pregnancy

    Be careful with the promises they makeπŸ’•

    If you are thinking to adopt and in the age to do so u think it's a fantastic gift to give a little oneπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

    Good luck whatever decisions take

  • I know the feeling too- don't feel bad for feeling the pain - it isn't their fault it's so easy for them but it is so incredibly unfair that it's so hard for the rest of us, so just be kind to yourself.

    There's no right way- just keep listening to your heart and do what's right for you. I was feeling awful at the thought that maybe I would only have the strength to try this process a couple of times but then talking to a friend I didn't even know wanted children, he said they decided to be childless as his wife can't stand needles or hospitals, so we all have our unique paths and whatever we choose will be right for us in the long run. Sending love xx

  • Thank you for the words of encouragement. I had been doing really well up until this point. Think things are only hitting me now. It certainly is a roller coaster ride xx

  • I totally get this as I have just been through a similar situation. I thought I was okay after my last cycle never went our way. Unfortunately I was hit with the worst anxiety to which my doctor prescribed diazepam if I needed it. I am usually such a bubbly cheery lass who loves socialising. I only left my house to go to work and came straight home.

    You need to tell yourself that this is completely a natural way to feel. Your in moarning for the baby you so wanted. Take time until your next cycle for you and your husband. It's been nearly 2 months since my last cycle and I'm feeling much better. You will too.

    At one point there were 5 pregnancies in my work and both my husbands sisters were pregnant.

    Take care xx

  • Thanks yes our cycle was in Aug. Feel like it's hit ting me now. How do you cope being around all those pregnant people? At the moment I have to take myself out of those situations xx

  • Just like you I have taken myself out of the situations too. I was polite and said congratulations bought presents and left it at that. All the girls will be back from maternity leave soon.

    You just need to think about you. Go to your gp and discuss your feelings. I have an appointment with the conception units councillor soon which I'm looking forward too. My mums always said "a problem shared is a problem halved".

    Don't sit in silence lovely we're all a team on here!!

    Sending a big hug xxx

  • this is an interesting post to read for me.. i was just going to sign into my account and cancel everything.. but I am reminded that even after our failed cycles that everyone on this site is so supportive. And being part of this network, you understand what infertility is.. understanding the process..

    we decided after our 2 failed attempts to stop. We were not funded by NHS and we no longer want to have this be the sole focus of our lives. We want to make the change to a new path - but right now, my husband and I are both still grieving. Seeing children, new announcements, families, all of that is so hard.. its so hard to accept this is not the path that we will follow. Yes, the cliche of it will be alright in time, is right and we will be.. but time is the only thing that will help this. I can only think just not to rush.. just don't rush anything.

    through my cycles i have had depression and anxiety - this is no the life that i want to be living..

    .. my advice to you.. be kind to yourself.. be gentle to yourself ..

  • Oh I am so sorry you've been through all this it really does suck doesn't it. That's exactly how I feel. It is no way to live and the impact on you emotionally is huge like nothing you can imagine. Would you consider adoption?xx

  • at the moment we haven't put any thought into other forms of having a family. we just haven't ben able to put our energy into anything else.. might give us some more time and see how we feel. we know a couple that has adopted and we think it might be worth talking to them.. just hearing their story.

  • My cousin adopted 2 little girls a few years ago so I've spoken to her. I've very maternal so have always known I would adopt if we couldn't have our own. Good luck. You ll know when you're ready xx

  • My goodness you are so strong to have come this far. Give yourself today to feel crappy..am sure you have had crappier days than this and recovered and you will do again, you have a plan do you not for donor eggs which is so fab..hang on in there with that and allow yourself down days soon to be followed by better daysπŸ˜€sending you huge hugs xxxxx

  • So sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment especially after u have been offering me words of support over last week or so.it does hit u out of nowhere & funnily enuf I had this conversation with my partner yesterday that I don't know how long I can keep up this mission for a child while everything else I feel is on hold.in the summer, in front of my 2 close friends, one daughter said to me, u r the only one without a baby!! Omg! I could've coped but for the looks on my friends' faces! I don't want to be that woman any more!

    BUT u need to be satisfied that u have tried everything so u can't look back with regret. Give yourself a little bit of time maybe? Adoption I think is a commendable route & one I very much would like to take but my partner does not want to at all so u r very lucky if your partner supports that-it is a hard journey but maybe worth looking in to.

    In the mean time sending u hugs & feel good vibes xxxx

  • Thank you so much. Yes I am lucky that my husband has agreed to adoption but he really wants us to try donor eggs first. You're right it does hit you out if nowhere xx

  • It is good that he has an opinion, believe me. It's harder when u know ur partner says I just want to do what makes u happy.whilst it's a generous trait it really doesn't help planning a future together. Sorry if u already know this but I think with adoption, they want 6 months between any treatments & starting adoption process.i think trying donor egg first is a good option if ur husband is supporting this. Otherwise u will only wonder. If it works, no reason y u still can't look at adoption for your 2nd child. Families are a mixed bunch nowadays!! x

  • Yeah I'd heard that but I think they are trying to speed up the adoption process now. I think you're right I'd always wonder if we didn't at least try with donor eggs. Xx

  • Go with your gut x

  • Hi Katya I completely understand. I've had 2 failed IVF cycles and a miscarriage. I'm also considering donor eggs to be honest. I think in your heart of heart providing you can say you've done everything you can yourself that has to be it. Life is so unfair. I have friends with 1 or 2 children now who are maybe 2 or 3 years old and as parents they are never at home, also drank through most of their pregnancies, smoked, never took multivitamins or anything. Yet we seem to do everything we possibly can and end up with nothing but emptiness. I'm not going to say I've given up, but I keep telling myself the harder I try, the harder I fall. I tell myself if I'm no longer bothered maybe it will happen. You hear this expression "man plans and God laughs". One of my friends didn't want children at all, so when she got married at 40 she said "it will never happen" and yet it did almost immediately for them. Maybe we are supposed to adopt and give a child a better, happier home and another chance at life. It's so unfair though when you hear others around you with their news and then you have to go shopping for their baby showers and pretend that you're really not bothered because you want to congratulate them, but deep down it breaks your heart further when you walk into a store or see a young family together. Take things day by day. Wishing you every happiness in the world. x

  • Thank you for your support. It's really nice to know others understand how you feel. You're right it does seem unfair that it comes so easily to others. All the advice about keeping weight down, taking vitamins eating healthily and there are people who don't do any of that and it works first thing!!xx

  • I love that saying' man plans, God laughs! ' I never heard it b4!my best friend never wanted kids, only did it for her husband (of course she would not b without them now) and she went in half hearted, smoked & drank thru her pregnancies & is blessed with 2 very lovely healthy boys. So many of us that really want it left in same boat x

  • I know it's so bizarre that it's so easy for some. Maybe all this stuff we ve to do makes it harder for us certainly puts more pressure on us! !xx

  • Thank you everyone for your amazing commental. It makes me feel so much better knowing we have this great support network.xxx

  • We've got your back Hun x

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