Worst 2 months of my life

[Rainbowretrieval]

I’m heading for my second FET tomorrow. My first ended in an ovarian ectopic in February (which apparently is very rare so trust it to happen to me) I was very unwell with it and got rushed to hospital for surgery, resulting in a partial ovary removal. I’m lucky that I have recovered ok and continued to ovulate every month since so maybe my ovaries are not too damaged by what happened. Since that, my beloved mum died last month after a very upsetting and stressful illness over many difficult years. So I feel like the world is conspiring against me a little at the moment. I’m sure many on this forum have felt like this at some point. But, I am still standing. Wish me luck xxx

[Jules0277]

Good luck ☘️ 😃

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Jules0277]

thanks x

[Hidden]

sending you love, hope and strength. You’ve been through so much ❤️ grieving a lost loved one whilst going through ivf really is so hard. Good luck tomorrow. X

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Hidden]

thanks x

[Marisa32]

Good luck!

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Marisa32]

thanks x

[C-a-t-m-u-m]

sending you love , I felt actually the same. I had a MC from FET back in March, starting bleeding on Mother’s Day of all days!. And all while I was having the miscarriage I had 3 new additions to the family I cried a lot! My little boy from a previous round got chicken pox and was so poorly! I then got a nasty cold 😭 all at the same time. I ended up being signed off work for 3 weeks! As like yourself I just thought I can’t deal with anything else been thrown at me. But a month on I’m feeling stronger apart from now been told two ladies in my team at work are pregnant and due when I would of been. Upsetting but I have to pull my big girl pants up and get on . Wishing you happiness x

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to C-a-t-m-u-m]

yes I get that, a lady I work with announced her pregnancy just as I found out I was ectopic, wouldn’t mind but apparently hers was a ‘surprise pregnancy’ apparently, and she’s already got two kids ☹️ just remember you’re still here, and you’ve kept going, you can handle anything 🥰

[Twiglet2]

goodness me you’ve had a time of it! Sending love and strength and wishing you millions of luck xx

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Twiglet2]

thanks x

[Orangeflowers]

Good luck lovely. Hoping this FET sticks x

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Orangeflowers]

thanks x

[Hidden]

Gosh… what a terrible time you’ve had. Sending positive vibes and hope all goes well with this FET. You’ve got this!

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Hidden]

thanks x

[Katiee1]

Hi lovely, I’m so so sorry for you losses, my heat really goes out to you 💗. You sound like an incredibly strong person even though I know you won’t have wanted to be at times. I really hope you have some good support around you right now. I wish you all the luck in the world for this FET. Take care of yourself in the process and be kind to yourself and one day soon, I hope all this sadness brings your to a brighter place xxx

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Katiee1]

Thank you. Although I’m keeping the ivf stuff under wraps, I’ve realised who my good friends are through my mum’s illness, the rest I will just move away from now. X

[Kt8e21]

Hi. So sorry for what you’ve been through over last few months.. IVF and loss is hard enough without losing your mum too.

Hope your transfer went ok.. and I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

I had my first FET today so hoping it works for us both!

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Kt8e21]

let me know how you get on, wishing so much luck! I’ll probably only have a 1 week wait to find out as I’m doing an unmedicated cycle and my period is due next Thursday so if it doesn’t come that’s a good sign hopefully. Even if I have a positive pregnancy test after the ectopic any joy will be sucked out of it until I’ve had a scan really. That will be the same for most pregnancies after loss I guess x

[Kt8e21 in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

Great that they used an ultrasound this time.. least that gives you peace of mind it’s started off in the right place. I get what you mean about the joy been sucked out of any future pregencies.. think I’ll be worrying until 12 week scan that it might happen again like last time. But I’m trying to take one step at a time and remain positive that I’ll implant first.. I had acupuncture yesterday and she said stay positive and focus on the implantation so trying to take her advice!

[Rainbowretrieval]

Thanks for everyone’s kind words. FET went well, had an ultrasound guided which put me at ease as I saw the little guy was definitely placed in the right location at least. So if it goes wayward now it’s not the clinic’s fault! Interestingly I was told I had a ‘shorter than average cervix’ which could mean that when they did the first transfer they did it too high up and that is what caused the ectopic as that was an unguided transfer. Amazing what you find out about your insides throughout this process!

[Clayhugs]

hi, just read your story and couldn’t not reply. Wishing you all the luck. ❤️. I’d a similar experience to you a few years back, my mum died after 6 months of aggressive cancer during covid. I got pregnant two months later which turned out to be ectopic, thankfully it didn’t require surgery but I can relate to the grief you’re holding at the moment. It does get easier. I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much. Lots of virtual hugs and good wishes xox

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Clayhugs]

Oh Clayhugs, our stories are so similar, so sorry for what you went through and hopefully you’re over the worst and have come out stronger on the other side. So much guilt for me I didn’t try for children sooner as I’m the only child so my mum was never a nanna which I know she desperately wanted to be 😢

[Clayhugs in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

hey Rainbow, I carried this guilt for a long time too and still wish I could have my mums advice if and when we finally have a family. But what I hold onto is the fact that because I didn’t have kids yet I could care for her full time and keep her at home when she was dying. If I’d have had kids she would have died alone in a hospice during covid when we wouldn’t have been able to see her. Perhaps you not having had kids yet allowed you to spend precious dedicated time with her too. Try not to be too hard on yourself, no one asks for infertility. 🫂

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Clayhugs]

That’s exactly what I said to my partner. It let me concentrate 100% on her. I would have just been coming up to 12 weeks when my mum died if the ectopic hadn’t happened and it was such a stressful time, it would have been no good on the baby. That’s so awful that it was covid times for you too, must have made it 10x harder. Do you have any procedures coming up at all? At least if it does happen for us we’ll have the best guardian angels ever looking over us 🫶🏻. X

[Clayhugs in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

Aw we will. They’ll be there somehow. 🥰. I’m waiting on an nhs one, I did a private one last year but it didn’t work. We’re just continuing to try naturally for now then we’ll barrel roll through the nhs one and another private (if nhs doesn’t work) and then I think we’re gonna stop and move to adoption. ❤️. Good luck with the next try and feel free to message me if you ever need a rant or a chat. Xxx

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Clayhugs]

Thanks so much. I think having a plan is good. I’ve pretty much told myself that once my frozen embryos are used from this cycle I don’t think I’ll put myself through another (got 7 left from my first cycle and one currently in the 2ww) I figure if I manage to plough through 9 and still nothing then it’s not meant to be, I’ll be 40 by then too. For what it’s worth, from how you come across, whatever parenting route is written in the stars for you, I think you’ll be amazing at it x

[Clayhugs in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

aw thank you, that’s such a kind thing to say.

That sounds like a good plan for you too. I was out walking with a friend the other day and her mate has been going though ivf too. They had their first child with the first embryo…then when it came to trying for their second, went through 7 frozen and got pregnant with their final frozen. After that they were done. So hopefully, like her, you’ll have luck with one of your remaining frozens. We’re doing so many fresh because I’ve low amh but I think I’d be like you if I had so many frozen. Best of luck! ❤️🤞

[AMJean]

Sending a big hug and loads of luck for your FET 🌸✨🍀🤞x

[DreamingOfTwo79]

Wishing you so much luck for this embaby to stay with you ❤️ My heart goes out to you for all the pain and grief you had to endure and still carry with you. You are unbelievably strong and a true inspiration. All the best to you! xx

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to DreamingOfTwo79]

thank you, you’re very kind x

[Rainbowretrieval]

Come on my period today so sadly the transfer has not worked. I was hoping for the best as I had some implantation bleeding 1dpt. Not sure how much more heartache I can put myself through at this point. Clinic didn’t help by still asking me to do a pregnancy test on my scheduled day. Yeah, like I want to waste money on a pregnancy test I know full well will be negative. Thanks for everyone’s support x

[Kt8e21 in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

I’m so sorry that it hasn’t worked for you this time. Not great that they still want you to test.. I think the clinics should provide us with them with amount we’re paying them! Are the you planning on having another transfer on your next cycle?

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Kt8e21]

Yes I am, got to keep on the train as otherwise I might not get back on! Dreading the thought of another clinic visit in 3 weeks though and my poor partner having yet more time off work. I’m only eligible for another collection before dec on nhs as I’m 40 then so need to try a xfer every month to make sure I would still be able to get to that point. Are you paying privately? I’d have ploughed through 9 embryos by the time id need another collection though so not sure I’ve got the stomach to do another egg retrieval. And it could be too much strain to put on my little damaged ovary. My mum died of breast cancer so conscious of plying myself with too many hormones given the family history as well. I had a natural cycle this time as they said the progesterone on the first may have caused the ectopic, so was hopeful I wouldn’t need any but might have to do it next time 😢 When have you got your OTD? Hope it’s going ok for you so far xxx

[Kt8e21 in reply to Rainbowretrieval]

That’s great you’ve got some on NHS… hopefully it’ll happen for you before you get to 40! I didn’t realise that progesterone could cause that.. I’m on pesseries and injections this time as my levels were low.

I’m single and doing it by myself so can’t get funding.. I’m lucky my clinic do a 2 round IVF with unlimited transfers otherwise I’d never be able to afford it all seperatly! I’ve got 4 embryos left and the Dr said I can transfer 2 each round to better my chances of implantation and if they don’t work I can get to my next egg retrieval quicker. I turn 40 this week so don’t want to delay it much longer.. my OTD is on the 10th.. so still quite a wait to go. But got no symptoms at all and didn’t feel any implantation so not holding out much hope

[Rainbowretrieval in reply to Kt8e21]

That’s awful they won’t fund you, those rules ought to be changed. I don’t know if they’ll try to get me to do more than one at a time if I’m getting towards the end of my batch. Don’t think I’d have the bottle in case they both ended up taking- the thought of being mother to one is terrifying enough! I wouldn’t read too much into not feeling anything, i was convinced I felt my implantation and ‘implantation bleeding’ and look at me now- in no man’s land! I’m always of the mind that no news is good news until you’re proven otherwise. Good luck- I’ll be thinking of you on 10th! X