Having one of those months

[Penny28]

Hi all

I am haveing one of those months were my hopes were so high and as always came crashing down. I was 6 days late and even after the first negative test I still thourght I might have tested too early. I should know better by now not to set my self up like that, after trying for 3 nealy 4 years we suffer a eptopic preg 6 months ago ironically going for my first ivf appoment were I felt unwell, and it just got picked up and in the space of 30 mins I found out I was pregnent and then it wasn't ment to be. And I was all on my own as my partner messed up and thought I didn't need him there as I live in staffordshire and he works in reading and The fertility clinic is in Nottingham. So befor we started ivf we had secondary Infertility as we have a 5 year old. And now I have only one tube but two ovaries so I have an 80% chance wot ever that means . It all fills a bit hopeless at the mo I hate living from month to month with hope that this will be the month and it's not. I fill very lucky to have my little girl I just don't won't her to be an only Child and I fill like everyone is thinking after all wot I have been through I should just be thankful for wot I have, my sister has even said it to me but she has 3 boys so she has know idear wot it's like to wont something so much and never get it. Sorry for such a long massage I am just filling a bit low and fill like I don't have any one to talk to ..

[Petree86]

Hi Penny, sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. I know how it feels to want something so much and feel like it is happening for everyone else but you. I do not know anyone who is going through infertility and completely feel like I am alone in this experience.

I think the good thing to remember is that you have been pregnant before which is positive because you should hopefully be able to get pregnant again. I know it's hard to stay positive and I don't know if this message helps with how your feeling, I hope it has in some way and if you want to talk some more then feel free to send me a message. Hope you feel better soon x

[Jojostayinghopeful]

Hi Penny28.

Sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy, that must have been awful to go through on your own like that.

I was also 7 days late a while back and tested negative 4 times and still thought I might be pregnant as I was testing too early. When you want something that bad you make any excuse up to hope that it its wrong. It is horrible going through this with all the waiting and not knowing if you will ever get the outcome u want. Don't give yourself such a hard time, u deserve a second chance. Maybe think about going to some counselling with your partner.

Wish you all the best

[Penny28 in reply to Jojostayinghopeful]

Thank you it means so much to have people that understand wot it's like. I just need to start doing things for me like yoga or somethibg like that after the ectopic pregnancy I sort of through my self back into work thinking it would help as I am a hairdresser so it's like seeing friends, but I am finding it's not wot I need so much. Xx

[Petree86]

I completely understand. I'm trying to concentrate on work and forget about everything but not sure it's working as I'm at work right now and still obviously thinking about infertility.

Hopefully things with get better. Have faith x

[Hopeful1982]

Penny28,

It's so difficult. We've been trying for 2 years and have unexplained infertility. Each month we still try for our baby and each month we're left disappointed. I sometimes wonder why we bother, my period seems inevitable each month. But, there's something in us all that keeps us all going.

My mum doesn't understand why it's so difficult. She tells me, "but you have a great life, lots of people would love to have your life". Yes, we're lucky. We have good jobs and a disposable income that allows us to do nice things and go on nice holidays but I would give it all up in a heartbeat to have a baby!!!

I think secondary infertility is even less understood than primary infertility. But, from seeing other women on this forum it seems to invoke all the same feelings. For you, I expect you love being a mother so it's only natural that you want to do it again.

It frustrates me that people think they would feel differently if it was them. I've often heard mothers say 'I loved you before I met you' about their children and I think each one of us feels that way about our unborn child. So, the idea that we might never meet them is an excruciating one and a genuine loss. I struggle to see why people can't understand that.

I think the positive you need to hold on to is that you can get pregnant so try to hold onto that thought.

Take care x

[Penny28 in reply to Hopeful1982]

All of wot yor say is absolutely right.

Already having one I think makes it worse as I know wot I have and how lucky I am to have her. I see how much she is growing and how fast time is going and not knowing if I will ever get the chance to go through all that is hart braking. Don't get me wrong it was so hard at times and I have know idear wot I am doing at times but I see how Beautiful and happy she is and I know I must have done something right. I just wish I didn't have this infertility hanging over me all the time like a black cloud no mater wot I do its part of everything, I hope I am not wasting all this time on somthing that is never going to happen for us. Xx

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Penny28]

Hi Penny28, it's with you all day every day isn't it! I dont have any answers on how long to keep going for but I spoke to a counsellor and she suggested my husband and I put a time limit on how long we're prepared to try.

We agreed on 4 rounds of IVF (2 NHS and 2 Private). It's not set in stone. We can change it. But, we would consider adoption so, if IVF is unsuccessful we would go down that route.

I think the concept is a good one as we know there's an end to this (even if it's not the ending we want) and I also feel like we've regained a bit of control x