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2 biggest fears of my life

Hello everyone!

I’m Leah and I’m 23 and I have 2 concerns which accidently came up in my life.

I’ve been dating with my boyfriend 3 years now. This is the most serious relations in my life. I don’t want to waste it.

My boyfriend, Dara, popped the question 2 months ago. I was stunned but said yes.

I don’t know what happened with him than…but…

First year of our relations was like a miracle. He was nice and kind to me. Back to those days I can see that I was just like a kitten, who trusted the first one who hedge me round with care and attention. But I was enjoin the moment. Please, understand me right, I’ve never loved someone so much as I love him. Nobody gave me such precious presents, as he did. Nobody wrote me poems for me, as he did.

He totally won over me.

Everything has change since we moved in.

We live together in his parents’ apartment. Though we started to sleep together each night, I still feel like we’re losing connection. He started to tell me that he had a lot of work to do, he is always busy, and then he “have to” hang out with mates. I can’t see that love and passion as it used to be. What really tears my heart that I think he can start cheating on me. Cos he also may notice that we became distant. I don’t know what can I do. My bbf in the situation which was close to divorce managed to save her marriage, cos she got pregnant.

I really would love to have a child with my Dara. So I tried to do it the way she did. I secretly stopped to take oral contraceptives. No success. What if it’s something genetic? I wouldn’t be so dramatic, if I hadn’t reason for concern. 5 months of regular bareback sex and still nothing. My periods are always on time.

I start to overthink. What if I won’t be able to have a baby? What kind of woman I am? I cannot get past the idea, that my cousin, Jenny had to adopt a baby, since she wasn’t able to conceive.

Now there are 2 biggest fears in my life

What if he will break up with me? How can I save our relations?

What if I am infertile? How to check it and what to do?

12 Replies
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Hey hun.

I am sorry for what your going through. Sounds like your feelings are taking over your judgement hun and your making decisions that you shouldn't really be.

I really honestly think you need to talk to your fiance sit him down and tell him how your feeling. That's what people who are married and in love do, trying to get pregnant behind his back is not going to save a relationship it will only add pressure. Having a child is hard hun believe me it's not the make of a, relationship that isn't going how one half would prefer. You really do need to sit him down ask him questions tell him how your feeling and get your feelings sorted, there's doubt there hun if you were to have a child while doubting the doubting will get worse turn to arguments and you don't want that when you have a young baby also. Please get some time alone go for a meal then a long walk and have a big heart to heart this is the only way your going to resolve things. If he's going behlnd your back surely you want to know not just assume. The mind is a powerful thing and really keeping this from him, is the start for catastrophe hun if yous can't talk about how one another is affecting each other then there's need to question what is the point in you being together. Whenever me and my partner have problems or feel distant we will mention it and talk and change things up a little spend time. Talking it out and total honesty is the key hun. Not hoping to get pregnant behind his back. I hope you manage to sort things out. Big hugs 💗🤗😘

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Totally agree with AllWeNeedIsLove x

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I completely agree. You need to get your relationship sorted before worrying about if you are able to be pregnant. Having a baby puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and if it’s not working between you to start with it will only make it harder and you risk pushing him away more.

If you both agree that you’re ready for a baby then is the time to think about the next step. 5 months isn’t a long time to be trying and there is advice that you can be given when the time is right about how to increase your chances. But you’re young and have all the time in the world so please don’t worry about that just yet.

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Thx a lot to everyone!

I see it’s essential to discussed it with him. But honestly, I’m afraid a bit to do that. What if it is the starting point of our break up...

It’s hard for me to choose the right timing. He is tired and angry after work. Slightest cross puts him out of humour. I do understand what you were trying to say, but I tried do direct it in a natural way. I thought that our relations will get a natural spin, if he becomes a father of my child.

Love you all!

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I think the advice given above is right, you do need to have this talk. Going behind has back and having intercourse, without him knowing he could have a baby is perhaps more harmful to your relationship than talking to him. What if you get pregnant and it makes him angry as he is not ready to be a father? Are you prepared to be a parent on your own if he leaves you if you get pregnant? Take care!

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All you need to do. Is say to him one night in bed. Is we need to talk hun when you have a day off. There's a lot on my mind and I feel there's a lot on yours. Your both young and if you don't Start talking things through now, your relationship is going to go nowhere believe me, communication is key in life let alone a loving relationship, it's not all fairy tales, every woman on here will tell you a marriage a committed relationship is hard work team work, natural spin isn't natural though is it, because he knows your taking the pill I'm going to let you in on a something personal now. My mum was taking the pill she stopped behind my dads back then got pregnant with me she then got pregnant with my brother got married and then had my sister 9 months after my sister was born they were divorced she left and we were brought up by my father. Recipe for disaster, you really, need to tell him he needs to make time to talk, if your worst fears are confirmed after the talk. He is not worth it and you've got out early before your life's become a car crash. The main thing is don't try to base your future on lies it might not end now or in a couple years but it will and it will hurt as hell, please ask him to make time to talk if yous can't talk you can't get any where in life. Good luck hun be strong and be an honest woman 💗🤗😘

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You said you both live in his parents apartment is this living with his parents? Or they own the apartment? He may be truely working hard to help towards the wedding. The advise above is very good and very true. I do think communication is the only way to get past this. Maybe cook a meal for him or go out somewhere perhaps based on memories from you first months of the relationship. I hope you sort it out relationships are hard work. X

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The reason I asked if you lived with his parents is because i did just that once and it added presure to the relationship.

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Thanks a lot for your advices. I try to be attentive, as I can.

;)

They live in their own house. Separately. Dara is a big boy to live with parents.

It’s hard to imagine our relations if we lived with his parents. I think, in such situation, I couldn’t handle the pressure from his parents

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Im glad you dont have pressure of parents like i did but with us we had no choice as to save money to find a place of our own. I am sorry for what your going through. ☺

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Dear, don’t be afraid that u r infertile. It’s just 5 months. You’ve just stopped taking ur pills.

THERE IS NOT ABSOLUTE INFERTILITY. If u have a goal to have a child. No matter in which way: surrogacy or egg donation.

It’s just overkill. If u r intended to conceive in a good faith, try not to worry about that, because your worries may affect your reproductive system. That may b the key.

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My sister took a whole year and a bit to get pregnant but then she got pregnant easy and went on to have 3 healthy boys. The stress of current situation could be impacting. Im sure you be a mum in the future.

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