Worst day of my life. My heart is bleeding as I write this

Last year when my partner and I started our IVF process we had 7 eggs retrieved. Each day one or two would die till we were left with only two. The clinic called and notified me each time something happens with regards to the eggs. The two that were left the embryologist said one looked excellent and the other good.

So because we were heading the December holidays the clinic was closing they had to freeze the embryos. Mid January we started again after my cycle, my hormones were not in balance the process was delayed as I was put on some meds. On the 17th of Feb finally I had the two embryos transferred and went for beta testing on the 20th which was Saturday. Today I received a call from my clinic telling me that it was not successful. I’m so shattered, I feel so empty being a cry baby like I am I don’t even have tears. I prayed so hard for this process. I’m at work and can’t even knock off as I’ve been taking a lot of time off to go to the clinic. My heart is bleeding. My husband funded the whole process but was never that supportive. My marriage is on rocks. I’m a walk copse.

[Ranchu90]

I am really sorry for having such a hard time. I understand you and trust me you are not alone. I had 4 ivf cycles with no success but this will not defeat me, I will carry on until I will 100% know that there is nothing more that I can do. Take your time as time is a great healer. Don't rush now into decisions and conclusions, this is not the right time. I am sending you a massive hug, stay strong and remember there are no problems without solutions (my mum says this to me always) 🤗❤️💪

[Hidden in reply to Ranchu90]

Thank you so much. Your words of encouragement means so much. Your mum is indeed right. I will take my time and try again later 🤗❤️

[McQueeny]

I’m so so sorry you’re in that place. It’s an agonising process and complete torture. I had so many meltdowns and so many tears. We also had a massive reduction in embryos - twice it happened that we had 12 fertilised eggs but only 2 survived to day 5. It’s incredibly hard but try and be strong and find the way to go again, there’s a good chance it’ll work for you if you persevere , be good to yourself and find some support if you can x

[Aisosa]

Hi Adocate... I am so sorry. Please be strong for you and I pray you have the courage not to quit and the Grace to go through another cycle and fingers crossed you will get a positive news. All hope is not lost. Praying for you and sending lots of hugs 🤗

[Nat246]

Sorry to hear your first cycle was unsuccessful, take the time you need to process it. IVF often doesn’t work the first time, my first cycle I had zero blastocysts. But you can try again, try a new protocol and there’s every reason to believe it will be a different outcome next time x

[Kookypie]

It really is heartbreaking. My 3rd transfer has just been unsuccessful and I'm working from home crying in front of the computer so I totally empathise. But I think the first failure always hits hardest.

In terms of your marriage why isn't your husband keen on the process? Is it male factor infertility as some men can be touchy around that? Maybe talking to a marriage counselor might be good or if the clinic you are with has a counselor you might be able to get a group session with them?

X

[Maui2020]

Hi Adocate, I’m really sorry to hear this. I feel every thing you said. Our first try we were given lots of positive feedback throughout the process, and at each stage, things weren’t quite going to plan. We ended up transferring 2x day 3 embryos. I was so positive. Even when I started bleeding before testing day I naively thought it was implantation and became even more positive. Everyone I knew at that point who had done ivf was successful first time. When I realised I was having a heavy bleed I was at work. Had to keep going and it was torture. Then went home and cried my eyes out for days. My husband also didn’t know how to be supportive at that stage. He has changed now, I guess it was his own journey he had to go on. I sought out the best Dr I could find to deal with every implantation failure diagnosis I was convinced I had. That Dr reassured me, found a solution, we went ahead with the cycle, and I have a 2 yr old. Since then trying for a sibling I have had 4 bfns in a row. It’s hard to take. But I’ve learned this whole thing can be very unfair and cruel... but also there can be light at the end. Please don’t lose hope. Xx