First BFN today 😢 - trying to decide on back to back or a break.

[Minniemouse88]

Although I was expecting the news, it was heartbreaking to hear the words "I'm sorry..." and have our suspicions confirmed that there was failed implantation.We are now faced with making a decision in quick time as our Dr has signed us off to start our next Frozen cycle as soon as I have the withdrawal bleed in a couple of days time.

I really don't know what to do. The clinic said that there are pros for both... On the one hand, the leftover oestrogen in the body can be a good thing; on the other, allowing hormones to settle can also have advantages.Our clinic only offers medicated HRT cycles and we don't have an option as we are NHS funded.

Psychologically, I'm of course worn down but I don't know if a break will help me relax or just cause me more angst. We have 4 embryos left and I really want to give them the best chance I can.

Sorry this is a long post, just looking for some other views in this very confusing and sad time.

Sending love and thanks for all your support over the last two weeks xx

[Boo718]

hello. I’m so sorry to hear about your bfn. The journey is soo tough. I could have gone into a second transfer right after the first. But we chose to have a break which I am glad we did. When the second one didn’t work that honestly hit me like a brick. I know it’s different for everyone but mentally it gets sooo difficult. Look after yourself I hope your ok xxx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Boo718]

Thank you, I never thought I could feel so desperate and lost. Thank you for sharing again and reminding me I'm not alone.

I have renewed admiration for the courage and strength of everyone I meet here. I hope your journey brings you the wonderful out one you deserve. Thank you xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Minniemouse. That’s such a shame and hope you have plenty of support just now. Often wise to have at least two months break but that depends on how you feel. Good luck with whatever you decide. Diane

[Minniemouse88 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you Diane for getting back so quickly. I am well supported, thank you. I really hoped there would be some clearer guidelines or resources from our clinic to help us make the right decision medically. I'm of course desperate to push on but wary at the same time. I've decided to try and explore the evidence base over the coming days (if there is one) and give myself permission just to be sad today. Thank you for your kind words xx

[Eggfreezer2015]

I am so sorry to learn that you did not get a positive response. I think it’s such a personal and equally difficult decision. I had a break for a month and I’m glad I did as I needed the time to get myself together mentally and emotionally. My best advice sleep on it and try and get a gut feel tomorrow or the day after if you can delay deciding by then. I know it sounds practical but also a list of pros and cons, writing it out often helps me. Big hugs x

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

Thank you, the advice and the hug is much appreciated! Xx

[Msze]

I’m so sorry. My advice is to get back on the saddle and try again

[Nenad]

so sorry about your BFN there’s no harm in doing the next one quickly but then taking a break for the 3rd and 4th embryos, this allowed for investigations in between, your body to recover from all the meds, etc. My 4 embryos failed but I still found this helpful. Best of luck to you xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Nenad]

Thank you and sorry to hear of your losses, I hope you are okay xx

[lmno]

so sorry to hear about your BFN, it’s such an emotional rollercoaster and totally normal for it to take it’s toll on you physically and mentally. I’ve been in this position a few times and done different things based on how bruised I was feeling. We just recently had a fresh cycle immediately followed by a frozen as the clinic unexpectedly had space to squeeze us in. I had wanted to take a break but actually when the opportunity came to start immediately I felt good about it so just went for it. There’s no right or wrong decision, I would say be guided by your gut feeling and try not to second guess yourself. You matter in this process too xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to lmno]

Thank you for your encouragement. Feeling stronger this morning and I will definitely listen to my gut as I've been in my head too much recently xxx

[Bed12]

Hi minniemouse, it is definitely a personal decision like everyone said but I’ve taken a break since my last fet end of Dec. I feel like my body needed a break to re-set and re-balance, I’ve recently had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to my body and what it’s enduring. And also not wanting any new health issues related to these hormones I’m taking. The last cycle I did short down reg and steroids which was intense. As I have noticed slight little changes e.g. in my cycle. It’s extremely hard not to resist the sense of urgency and for me, panic. But I am prioritising my physical and mental health and doing my research on next best steps. Hope this helps. Xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Bed12]

Thank you, it really does help and I think you're doing a great thing looking after you. Take good care xx

[Hidden]

Sorry about your BFN. Once you are over the initial grief the main thing to focus on is they will have learnt a lot from this round, and it is so rare for the first cycle to work, it really doesn't mean your second transfer won't - although thats little sympathy now I appreciate.

I think the 'go again or have a break' question really depends on what sort of person you are and how emotionally strong you are. For me when our first cycle failed I was upset for a day or so but then just wanted to get on and do something positive... I have always been a 'fix it and don't dwell on it' person.. and so went straight into another fresh cycle and actually got a BFP (but sadly had a MC later on). The doctor had said to us it could be to do with the body knowing what it was doing and having legacy drugs in the system.

However I would say there does come a time when you need a break and that is different for different people. I kept on and on doing round after round and eventually I think I had a mini breakdown as I just hadn't given myself time to grieve and had just kept on going. For some people they do need that break and grieving and regrouping time after every round, for others the practical 'do something' takes over. There is no right or wrong but just have a think about what sort of person you are in other aspects of your life and that might give you the answer xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Daisy, I think we are alike in our 'fix it' mentality. I'm just a bit of an over-thinker too. I'm going to give my husband a bit more time as he is still very low. Our primary issue is severe male factor infertility so it's hit him hard. I think we will start again straight away. Thank you for your lovely thoughtful message, it means a lot xxx

[always_autumn]

Hey Minniemouse88 I'm so sorry to hear your news. Hope you're looking after yourself and giving yourself space to grieve. It's truly devastating to have cycles fail.

I've had 4 failed fresh transfers now (I haven't managed to get many embryos each time for various reasons so we've had to do another retrieval each time). I've done them all since August 2022; for 3 of them I waited 1-2 months before starting again but for the last one I went again straight away (i.e. I started bleeding a few days before my test date, signalling that the transfer had failed, and started stimming again immediately). At the time I thought going back to back was the best option as I couldn't bear the wait, but on reflection my body wasn't ready - it was a really bad round, we only got 3 eggs and 1 embryo (which also failed to stick). My hormones were all over the place and we think the problem was my progesterone, not the embryo - so now I'm really regretting rushing into it and potentially wasting another embryo.

However, this is just my experience and if your clinic think your body is fine to do back to back then go for it, if you feel ready. It's totally up to you. I think it's best to with your gut on this (like so many other things with IVF). Take care of yourself with lots of you time, as you've been through a lot xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to always_autumn]

Hi and thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear of all your toils. This is such a learning journey and I don't think anyone should blame themselves as the decisions are absolutely mind boggling. None of us are experts and hindsight is a great thing. I really wish you every success as you go forward xxx