Another BFN (trying for a sibling) and next steps

[J0J0123]

Firstly thanks everyone for sharing and responding, it honestly means the world to me to know you're all there, as at times I've felt so alone on this journey ❤️ I've lost count of the number of people (friends, family, doctors and close colleagues) who have said to me after every subsequent failed round (I know it most likely came from a well-meaning place)... "At least you've got one child so it's ok". I'm aware some go through years of IVF without ever holding their own child so I know how incredibly lucky I am to have had that experience once but the pain is still real and the emotions are just as intense when trying for a sibling, in fact I've found it harder as I feel I'm now letting down my child also!

Anyways I wanted to share our latest update in case anyone is interested and in case it may help others...

We got our 5th BFN in a row at the beginning of December (6th embryo as we did one double transfer). Last week we had our follow up consultation with our fertility doctor and after asking why we have had so many embryos fail in a row (following a successful pregnancy back in 2020) we were told it was highly likely they were all abnormal embryos (nothing else seemed to be the cause) and this was attributed to mine and my partners age (we are both in our late 30s so I'm assuming we've just had some very bad luck!). We were told the average success rate is about 20-25% for our age etc so we are definitely below that after 6 failed embryos.

I've felt extremely deflated after this failed round and my plan was to give myself a break before we did our next round (a FET) as I knew my clinic were closing over Christmas and appointments were already all booked up until mid January (so I would have to wait until Feb at the earliest) and I'd resigned myself to this reality. However I received a call from the clinic a few days ago to say they have had an unexpected cancellation so it opened up the option of doing my next round in January if I wanted to! The doctor said this was fine and I didn't need a compulsory break after my last fresh round.

So here we are, prepping for a January FET! After discussing it with the doctor we are doing an unmedicated modified FET which I have never done before so feeling a little nervous about it but it was explained to me as allowing my body to produce it's own progesterone rather than taking lots of extra Progesterone (via Lubion injections) as historically I have had lower progesterone levels as the estrogen suppressed my progesterone (hence the need to take Lubion as well as pessaries). Apparently on previous scans my lining always looked great so they don't feel I need the extra estrogen to thicken it up. So I guess we'll see how it goes! We have 2 frozen embryos left (both 4AB) and we are doing a single transfer in January so we have the option of one final FET later on. After these 2 embryos, this will be the end of our IVF journey so it's going to be a very emotional 2024 for us (whatever the outcome!)

Sending everyone lots of love and hopefully little miracles soon xxx

[Skittles11]

Hello The well meant comments have probably been coming from a good place but people don't always understand. And people think they have to offer something to make someone 'feel better' even if what they are saying is not helpful. What I would say though is that I have been trying for number 1 for 4/ 5 years and have had losses along the way. When I see someone has a child and now TTC number 2 it can be difficult to relate to the intense sadness felt especially if people are saying it's even harder. I can't understand how this can be the case but those emotions are real to the person going through them. Hope that makes sense. Just trying to bring a different perspective that I don't think people always get it unless they can directly relate.

Wishing you luck for your upcoming transfer and a happy and healthy 2024 x x

[J0J0123 in reply to Skittles11]

Thanks for responding and offering a different perspective Skittles11. Sometimes when we are going through a tough time with ivf, it's hard to see the wood for the trees and it can be all consuming in so many ways as we see it from our own perspectives. My post may not have been very considerate to others in different boats and I apologize for this. I wish you all the best of luck for 2024 also! xxx

[Keepingfaith85]

Thank you for posting this. It’s good to see my feelings written out about the extra pressure of trying for a sibling. Sadly for us we have just used our two last frosties with no success and I think that’s it for us financially and emotionally. I got my BFN today. Feeling a bit empty but also reflecting on how grateful I am for my boy who is now 3 and super excited about Christmas. It’s a hard journey and super lonely, just wanted to let you know that I can relate. Wishing you all the best for January xxx

[RedFox23]

The very best of luck for January! Hoping this is your time ✨

[Doodlebug23]

Part of your story reads just like I had written it for myself! I’ve also recently had my 5th transfer with 6 embryos as one a double. Transfer 4 was a chemical but otherwise all BFN 😰. Your post has got me thinking as you have had a success before all your negatives. Fingers crossed no.6 is the one for us both! X

[Leesalou]

sending love. Totally get where you coming from we tried for a aibling for my son,

We had 3 Frosties from my 2018 cycle with him,

2 unsuccessful and one was successful but unfortunately ended up jn a miscarriage,

We have no more Frosties, so we have fresh cycle to consider but we are brig in our 40's now not sure what to do, something tells me not to give up but then big cloud of doom comes over,

Like you I definitely feel this journey is harder than the first. Mentally draining, Im for ever grateful for my son, but like you I feel that I've let him down when he always asked for one,

Wish you all the luck for you next fet, feel free to message me if you ever want to chat,

Xx