panic and grey clouds

[silvanti_78]

Hi Ladies.

16 years ago I had my third and last ectopic pregnancy. I didnt know that I was pregnant and wope up in the worst pain you could ever imagine. I lost a lot of blood and was short of losing my life.

Back then I was 24 and the day after the emerency surgery I was told that I had lost my second fallopian tube. I was devastated & felt only half a woman however I was grateful for life as I had a 7 year old daughter at the time. It took me a while to get over this and I said to myself that one day I will try via IVF... many years have gone by / a divorce / a relocation ( germany to britain ) / and also marriage and here I am now.

We have just finished our first trial of IVF in Istanbul / all went well. As from a couple of previous post already mentioned we have two blastos transfered and we have two good quality frosties.

I didnt find the stimulation time too hard but I am really struggling now. Today I am 9DP5DT and awaiting my first Beta HCG result however last night I moved really strange and I hurt my right ovary. Today I was in a lot of discomford and all my terrible memories about this emergency surgery came back. I am at work and trying to focus ( not working ) but I am scared. All my optimism has gone away.

I have so many worries and weird thoughts.

On top of it is also what IF I am actually positive tested. Can I allow myself to be seflishly happy whilst other couples have been trying so many years / spend so much money and still no positive.

I hope this makes somehow sense. I had to let this out of my system. Sigh ...

[CJ104]

Hi silvanti I just wanted to concur with your thoughts and feelings, I had the same awful experience with my first ectopic pregnancy, emergency surgery and faced with a life or death situation. Its really hard to recover over and time sometimes make a thing harder as u have time to think and ponder. However be positive you deserve your happiness fingers crossed for Ur BFP today and enjoy being spoilt.

Hope everything goes well for u xx

[silvanti_78 in reply to CJ104]

Thank you. I should know later on. I am really surprised that I have these memories today. That really was buried a long time ago.

[Autumnmoon]

With ectopic pregnancy not only do you deal with the terrible loss of your precious baby you often face emergency life saving surgery before you can have begun to make sense of it and the recovery afterwards not to mention usually loss of the tube so reduced chance of conception .I think the trauma is always there but fingers X'd your result is positive and remember that you deserve that baby as much as any other woman I have learnt that the positive is just the first step and more waiting and worrying awaits! But I think the experience of all the great ladies on here will help whatever happens I just wish you all the very best and the best outcome x

[silvanti_78]

This indeed is true. I mean I am so happy and excited for every BFP I read but I am thinking whether how many would be upset as it hasnt happened for them. Reading success stories is helping me sure but also the negative or not so happy ending as it gets you down to be realistic. I am not negative but I cant allow myself as yet to be positive. I know I have done everything I possibly could do and then rest.. is out of my hands. I hope / wish and pray that each other the ladies here will become what they desire so much. a Mum.

[Hidden]

Dear Silvanti you’re a brave, lovely lady and I pray you get some great news re your bloods. Everyone deserves their time to be happy and it’s important to share good news on here to prove no matter how hard the struggle we can all get there. I lost my 3rd pregnancy at 14 weeks at the same time my cousin gave birth to her first baby and when she tried to console me I made it v clear to her it was her time to be happy!! I lost a further 3 pregnancies but currently pregnant after 2 years of constant cycles and being told my case is complicated. I’m scared and anxious but hopeful and happy. I pray all the women on here have success no matter how long and tiresome the journey...don’t lose faith 🙏🏼Xxx

[silvanti_78]

I got my blood test results back ! 9DP5DT- 369 HCG 😮

[Hidden in reply to silvanti_78]

That’s fantastic 😄xxx

[CJ104 in reply to silvanti_78]

Congratulations xxx