How to explain unexplainable

Hello. My name is Katy, Im 39 and I have an unexplained secondary infertility. After few attempts to conceive I have a child of my own. 5 Years have passed and we still cant have another child. All the tests are fine (my husbands and mine), we have no illnesses and diseases that can put any obstacles in the way of PGWe tried IUI twice but nothing has changed. Doctors just cant find a reason or at least explanation of it. They advise to keep on trying and we were told that even hidden fears, doubts and complexes could influence on our body that way. I'm trying not to worry a lot, not to be upset. However, I'm a mother of one child and maybe it was meant to be like this. Positive thoughts..

Ive read about this issue a lot and IVF must be helpful according to the feedback of those who tried it. Im nervous a littleThere are people who make about 10 IVF cycles including FET to reach a BFP. I understand that multiple failures will lead mostly to success in the endbut what if not? Please let me know how many IVF cycles does it take you to have BFP and which European clinics did you choose? Its a little easier to know that you are not the only one fighting unexplained problems. Xx

21 Replies

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  • You seem to be struggling with many demons :( two things came to mind when I read this: one I have really enjoyed having hypnotherapy and my therapist does the 'fertile body method' which apparently can help unpick any psychological blocks that may be involved. Secondly, if you look at fertilityfriends website there are boards full of information by region with threads on different clinics. I guess whether you rush to ivf might depend on your age of course. Good luck!

  • Thanks hun! I have reasons to try it. wish you luck xx

  • That's very sorry to hear. I really feel for you. I think if your first 2 tries fail you can get document that you can't carry a baby and go for surrogaacy. But I sincerelyhope that you will sucseed at first try, fingers crossed for you! xx

  • Thank you dear!! still don't know which option to choose...xx

  • Thats so sad to hear! I think your partner should accept truth as it is. Besides, it has already happened, neither of you can change what happened, a lot of people all around the world have to deal with infertility and even couple of miscarriages, don’t blame that on yourself ok? A lot of clinics nowdays give chance for having kids to women. They are all around the world: US,UK, Greece Ukraine etc. Dont give up on your dreams!! Xx

  • Thank you!

    Yeah, I'm trying or it's better to say we are trying...It may sound stupid but the first thing I doin the morning is forum threads check-up. My dh is tired I don't to make him suffer more, so you are my only active support now.

    What about you? What problems do you have?

  • Mmm..maybe it's better to try and do something instead of asking questions like 'what if'?? Many ladies here ttc for years, they suffer as they have no children at all and they can't afford surrogacy program. And you have already have a kid, didn't do ivf and you're looking for advice...don't be pathetic! Get up and fight! Want a child? Do SOMETHING!

    Firstly, if your tests are outdated you need to have new examination, then talk with your doctor about ivf and discuss your outlook for success. This is how you are going to act. Not just comlaining of your miserable and unfair life.

    Sorry if it sounds rude, I dodn't mean that

    xo

  • haha you know, you are a great motivator! as you can see I'm an irresolute person and it's always hard to make importatnt decision without a kick. I know that time passes quickly and demands fast actions...well i see but i'm scared that my att will be with no result and also unexplained.

    I think about going to Czech Republic or Greece. Going to contact them next week, have no time today.

  • hi! responding a bit late but whatever.

    you see, this is very important to understand that regarding ivf you will have a stable amount of attempts you can undergo before you can say that this is it. you need to think about another option!

    ivf isn't made for trying it all over again, it is usually up to 5 attempts (including using de) when you understand that this is not working due to many reasons, some experts say that for a decent amount of women there is no explanation of why they can't get pregnant even after trying numerous ivf rounds. nothing works but it is not a reason to like keep pushing till you feel like you can't even move. hormonal stimulation is incredibly damaging to your health and the health of your baby. so keep that in mind when you decide on what is the best for you. i would advise you to aim for surrogacy or to make a huge pause if (only IF) you get bfn after your 5 attempt.

  • that's ok, it's still relevant.

    I saw that different clinics suggest different number of unsuccessful attempts (3-5) as a reason of starting surrogacy. But it takes too much time, all these cycles i mean. if the first one has no result, then i need to wait at least for 3 month to start again, in addition it's harmful and stressful procedure. and as you've told there is a chance to have no result without any reason and it scares me the most!

    I think 3 attempts is a maximum for me if no result. thank you for advice, i appreciate it.

  • yeah, my clinic also accepts 3 failed ivf attempts as a prescription to surrogacy program. so yeah, different clinics have different opinions and even if ivf treatment is harmful there is still a chance to find an option where you could've save a bit of money you would spend on it, it slightly reduces the stress don't you think. but this is very admirable of you to say that 3 attempts is enough for you, because i have conducted a 5 attempts contract from my clinic, not only because they would have to refund everything i have paid in case all of those att are unsuccessful but those 5 attempts with medicines and other stuff altogether cost 10k. which is incredible in my opinion

    anyways good luck!

  • Thank you for such an informative reply. You made me hesitate, what if it's better to try this package for 5 attempts? hm...if no result it will take years, oh my goodness. Is it ever possible to be ready for this ha?

    as far as I understand, all meds are included? but what do you mean by saying 'and other stuff'? is there anything else?

  • yes, the contracts are all inclusive ones, they provide you with food, accommodation, transportation and other useful stuff. also with meds, all of the consultations and procedures are free too. 5 attempts is for those who struggle a lot with getting pregnant with the fertility help. it just like last 5 chances, in my opinion.. as for us we were lucky that our doctor said that we can go for this type of a contract because she was talking a lot about how i am fine and that we can have only 2 attempts contract.. but i was very strict and had to tell them that it is my life and if i want to have 5 attempts i would go for it no matter what!

  • Wow! That's a huge '+' for this clinic! It is hard even imagine how I'm looking for an apartment, calling a taxi...urgh

    But still explain me, how do you communicate with med personnel? I think managers know english, but the others and people in the city??

    cool you are so healthy it's almost fantastic..well-done! Great you didn't let them change your mind. You have 5 and you are calm and confident and what if you had 2 and they failed, of course it's a profit for the clinic, you need then sign another contract and they don't need to refund.

  • it is not that hard but a bit harder when we talk about another clinic, especially Ukraine you know. and they also understand that not everyone would go for finding a room and paying for a taxi when they first come to another foreign country, basically ukraine is so different from the countries I got used to spend my time in.. i would be so scared if i had to find the way to the clinic all by myself, that's why basically i rejected all other clinics because they didn’t afford the option of the transportation by a car and also they do not tell you the price for the whole treatment. but this is another story.

    yes, managers do speak english and they translate everything for us. nothing to be worried about.

    xx

  • Once I was in Greece with my friends and the route was made by them ...but when our car broke we realized how hard it was to communicate with people without knowing each others language.

    What do you mean when said this country is different?

    Well, if so it's great, having an inteerpreter is a big deal..

  • i don't know it is a lot different from European countries, they even celebrate Christmas on a different date than most of the world does. and the culture itself, they are very hardworking and the clinic is very clean...

    yes, fisrt when i was coming to Ukraine i thought they would provide me with a separate enterpreter but the manager was translating almost the whole process, I know that they have the whole team of translators but i suppose the clinic is so full they all are busy.

    there has been a lot of changes in my life!!! the stimulation goes oh so well and i might go to the clinic next week, because my menstruation started a bit late..

  • Hi, feel sorry for you. But here is still a chance to have your baby. As I know in my clinic accepts 3 failed ivf and you can move to the surrogacy. But different clinics have different laws, hope you find the best for you/

    By the way, my was in ukraine, biotexcom. In case you want to look onto this

  • Thank you bfrida! Yeah, I know chances exist and this makes me feel much better. anyways, i heard about women givin' a birth at 60 or even later so, i have at least 20 years to get what I want lol.

    I still didn't decide where to go and those clinics I contacted are out of my list unfortunately, their conditions are not the best and the most suitable for me you know..i want to be sure that amount of money I pay is anough and nothing could change, but they have too many additional stuff and you need to pay for that again and again, I can't even know how much money I ashould have to underwent their treatment.

    I read about this clinic a little, could you tell me more about from your own point of view, as a client?

  • sorry that I didn't answer earlier. If that still actual for you I can tell/

    As a client ? hmm, so.. first of all I contacted the manager of my clinic who told me to give her a list of different tests, as soon as we made that we were asked to come for a first appointment where we could choose the right package of options. There are a few of them and the price depends on the one you choose.. we chose Standard and the price was around 40.000 euros plus our needs because that package included a driver, interpreter, apartment, meals so very goood one. They have very good conditions and you can be sure in all suroo moms because they are cotrolled all the time.

    To my big surprise everything was allright, i know a lot of couples who lost their money and didn't get expected results.. it's shourtly about that, if you need more i'll be grateful to answer

  • Hello dear. I didn't see you thread before..well, it took me 3 ivf cycles to become pregnant. i created a poll here it may be useful for you, it's all about IVF's. healthunlocked.com/fertilit...

    I just want to add, you're too young to give up, really I became a mother at 49 and if I could do this, you def will!

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