Devastating Miscarriage at 11 weeks, now what!??? #-(

[amie1]

After the journey of ICSI we finally became pregnant the viability scan was the happiest day of my life!! short lived as started bleeding that night after a visit to a&e and epu everything seemed OK, untill a bigger bleed fresh and scary. That scan wasn't OK, sadly our baby's heart rate had stopped and my dream come true had ended! I'm so sad and hurting beyond belief. Im told it's very common but it's not fare why after all our struggling was it taken away!!!

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I had a miscarriage last week, at 7w5d having finally fallen pregnant after a failed round of IVF in April and a laparoscopy (ouch!) in September. It's rubbish isn't it? I'm being very kind to myself - am in to my second week off work and have told everyone so I have lots of support from family and friends. I'm staying in bed when I want to, eating junk if I want to, and reading fantasy novels. I'm escaping from the world for a little while. The process of miscarriage was scary and traumatic as well as very painful. I think it will be a while before I feel brave enough to try again But I know I will because this compulsion to have a child is so strong.

I know it's not fair. But it helps me to remember that lots of things are not fair. It's not fair that one of my really wonderful friends is still single at 38. She's even further off having a baby than I am. It's not fair that people in Aleppo are starving and in a war zone whilst I live in a warm house and have a fully stocked supermarket nearby. It's not fair that two of my friends have had breast cancer in the past two years. It's not fair that I have a really wonderful husband and yet some people are in abusive relationships. Life isn't fair. No one ever promised it would be. So there isn't an answer as to why this has happened to you. It's just horrible and sad.

Please be kind to yourself over the coming days and weeks. As my lovely boss said to me, 'do whatever helps you to feel a bit better'... and don't feel guilty about whatever that is, even if it is lying in bed eating chocolate and reading novels instead of going to work, like I am.

[amie1 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thank you for your reply, I am the same second week in after surgery to remove and trying to be good to myself. Friends have been good and work, but dreading going back if honest. I know the world around me sucks too and I am lucky but just for once I wanted it to be me. I know il get there and will get on with the treatment again just needed a moment to feel sorry for me I think xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to amie1]

Definitely you deserve time to feel sorry for yourself. What has happened to us is truly crap. We are allowed to feel annoyed/sad/sorry/cross. I just wanted to share what has been helping me, and counting my blessings is a big help to me.

My mother in law had two miscarriages and told me she felt extremely angry after each one, like she wanted to kick things. Which is not the kind of person she would normally be! But I think it's justified. I haven't felt like that yet, but it doesn't mean I won't feel like it tomorrow.

I am dreading going back to work as well. I'm thinking I might go in for half an hour the day before I actually have to go back, just so I can face everyone and get that initial walking through the door over with, and then go home again!

[amie1 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Yes I have felt like smashing a few things at times but resisted. I'm a neonatal nurse so can't really do half shifts and so many pregnant staff will make it sting more. I'm still getting lots of pain and have a womb infection too which hasn't helped the mood. just feel blaa x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Definitely sounds like you are right to be off work. Stay off until you feel completely better.

I'm an infant teacher and couldn't quite face being surrounded by other people's children yet - one pregnant parent and one child had a brand new sibling the week I miscarried, couldn't face seeing them yet either. But I feel guilty... it's their xmas show this week and me not being there will make that hard for the other staff. And I know the class will be more difficult to manage, the longer I'm off. But I can't do it yet!

However, physically I'm feeling much better today, most pains have gone and I actually had a reasonable night's sleep for the first time in soooo long. I think feeling physically better is helping my emotional wellbeing. I'm not surprised you feel so rubbish with an infection going on as well. I really feel for you and wish there was something that could help. Xxxx

[amie1 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Ahh thank you, yes my cousin announced her 12 weeks scan the day I had mine and a girl at work is about three weeks in front of me, I don't begrudge them there happiness it just going to be tough watching them have what I want so badly. Don't feel guilty I have come to realise it not worth the added pressure on yourself, glad your feeling better I'm hoping to get there slowly xx

[Tugsgirl]

Sorry for your loss 😞

[amie1 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you x

[Cinderella5]

Sorry to read about your loss!x

[Jaky76]

Ah sending big hugs....be angry, eat rubbish....deal with that and let it out....then try and move on....it's a process i feel we need to go through....truely heartbreaking though...here for you..loads of love

[amie1 in reply to Jaky76]

Thank-you I have a councillor session today hopefully it will help x

[veronica1]

yes, it is not fare and I totally understand how you feel yourself. you definitely need time and I am here sending you love and luck you deserve it. I am now starting my ivf de treatment and it is all full of hope and dreams and I am praying for every one of us to finally experience what it is to be a mother.

lots of love hun

good luck!

[amie1 in reply to veronica1]

Thank you! good luck with your treatment xx

[veronica1 in reply to amie1]

Thank you too!!!

the tx has been good so far.

xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Amie1 how are you doing now?

[Beebeestar]

I'm so sorry, this must be devestating for you. My heart goes out to you and cannot imagine the pain you going through.

I'm hoping time will help you recover quickly so you can move forward.

I'm sorry...