we had our embryo transfered on my birthday and had a magical BFP 5 days later.
I have had intense sickness, sore boobs, food aversions and everything went well at the viability scan.
Started spotting a couple of days ago at almost 12 weeks, went for a scan today and the baby had stopped growing over a month ago. I can’t believe it all the symptoms were telling me this really was our time 😢 💔
my friend and I were due in the same week and I’m already dreading her baby being born.
Has anyone got any helpful miscarriage advice ?
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RedFox23
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oh redfox23 I’m so sorry to hear this and I am also so angry at the universe too!! Why does this have to happen! I lost my one at 10 weeks and tbh I withdrew from everyone. It was really lonely grieving this way. So I wouldn’t recommend doing that. Wish I could give you a big hug in person. Look after yourself x
Not the same, but I had a blighted ovum and went on to miscarry about 8 weeks.
I remember people giving me advice on how I would feel and how i needed to feel. In the end, I found making a plan and only engaging when I wanted to helped me. I learnt there is no one set way to grieve or move forward, so it’s about working out what makes you feel comfortable and making sure others around you support that xxx
I wish I could tell you how to deal with it but we are all so different.
Take your time to grieve. There’s no right or wrong way, just take it one day at a time. I personally needed to cry it out, have a few days not leaving the house and then I just wanted it over with and to get my period again. Once I had miscarried I felt closure and so I could move on and focus on the next round.
The positive which I know is really hard to think like that at the moment but remind yourself that the transfer did work , you did get pregnant and you were a step closer than you were before.
I was so sorry to read this, life is very cruel and totally unfair at times. I lost a baby at 17 weeks. Nothing really helped other than time (cliche I know) and trying to understand that life is inherently unfair and it was one of those things, not my fault or anything I could have done. Most miscarriage’s are for chromosome issues so you can try and take solace in the fact your baby just wasn’t made for the world and they are spared suffering. Not super helpful but it helped me a bit.
It’s the loss of the life you envisage that I found so hard. It helped me to plan next steps although this took me a long time which was hard at the time but in hindsight was best.
I had counselling at the time, but only one session as at that point I just couldn’t see how it could help - I wanted my baby and no amount of talking would bring him back.
I started counselling a year or so later and that was the right time for me to support trying again.
Take your time and look after yourself. Take time off work, cry, watch tv and rest or exercise, whatever makes you feel better. The pain does ease over time xxx
I’m heartbroken to read this. I’m so sorry. I lost my baby at 21 weeks. Like others said, nothing really helps you get over it other than the cliche of time (and even then you’re not over it). Crying and being gentle with myself helped a lot. Also not feeling obligated to talk to people, go to events, etc really helped. And taking to other women who had experienced preterm births like me really helped to let me know I wasn’t alone.
Therapy helped me only when I was ready (for me that was a year after the loss). It’s an incredibly painful journey but just know you’ll come through on the other side.
I'm so sorry. I think I was numb and in denial during the process and soon after. I opted for surgical management as after we found out it wasn't viable the doctors took a very long time to take any actions, and by then I had become quite unwell. Also I didn't want the additional trauma or complications, and just wanted to move on. And it was very straightforward and allowed me not to really face what was going on at that time tbh. But that's certainly not right for everyone. Hopefully you will have good care and support, and they can go through all the options with you. I found that it was only a few weeks later that the hormone crash really hit me, and it did scare me, as it felt like my rational brain and personality had been replaced by something and someone I didn't recognise, and I was really sad and couldn't find joy in anything, and I cried all the time. But I had some counselling and that did help (even though I was pretty resistant to it) and the hormones went back to normal and I felt like myself. Still sad at what had happened, but me. And ready to take on a new job, and try again with an IVF transfer. So maybe for now, just get from day to day, or moment to moment even, and don't be hard on yourself, or have any expectations at all really, or worry about the future, just be.
Just wanted to say how sorry I am to read this. The same happened to me at the end of November. Spotting started at 12+3. Babys growth was 9 weeks. Its such a shock. Hard to process. Be kind to yourself. Grieving is different for everyone but there are so many possible emotions. I felt angry and sad, tried to blame something, overwhelmed, hopeless, empty. It's lonely even with people around you. Remember your hormones rapidly changing is another factor. You will be OK, you are stronger than you think. Take time, do what you feel you can cope with, or just cry. It's so unfair. I contacted Petals counselling and got a referral through my GP, I was desperate for some help. It doesn't fix things, but I think it helped my brain process what happened a bit. I was scared it would end up like she was never there so talking about it keeps her memory. Thinking of you and here if you need anything. X
I’ve had three mmc around 12 weeks (15, 10 and 12 weeks) and one live birth who is now 6. It’s rubbish and miserable but survivable. I had a friend who was due a few days after my first mmc would have been due. I found her pregnancy hard but once the baby was born it became separate in my mind and I didn’t compare then. Every now and then I think it crossed my mind but mostly I was just happy to meet another member of her family. Now I’m sort of happy about the first mmc in a way because that was before my little boy and he wouldn’t be here if that one was but it feels bad saying it 😬 No tips on getting through it other than don’t send yourself crazy on google. There’s nothing you could do and at the stage you were at and the fact it was an mmc, it was most likely chromosomes- I did all the research!
oh I’m so so sorry to read this. We also had bad news at our 12 week scan but our FET worked the next time and we now have a one year old. It was such a horrible, dark time but we got through. Sending you so so much love xxx
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had my official test day on Christmas day and also dealing with a missed miscarriage although I didn't get so far along. Would have been 9 weeks tomorrow. I'm currently waiting to miscarry naturally after stopping my IVF meds a few days ago. Which treatment have you chosen?
I’m so sorry for you. I’ve been there and I know how hard it is. You need time to grieve. Let your periods return to normal (I know the bleeding is an awful reminder). I rang my GP and asked about what was normal and she was very helpful. I talked to a lot of people and that also helped me but it’s whatever you feel comfortable with. It’s a very sad affair and it won’t leave you. But in time you’ll be ready to go again, and the fact you can get pregnant is a very good sign. Sadly first pregnancies are more often miscarriages than any subsequent ones. I guess the body isn’t always ready or knows what to do. To give you hope, my first pregnancy was actually natural (unexpected because we had gone through ivf) and I miscarried at 12 weeks. 9 months later I was pregnant with our second embryo transfer and now I have a lovely daughter.
So please be kind to yourself. Soon you’ll be on the journey again and the good thing is that you can get successfully pregnant. It’s a good sign. Xxxx
I am so sorry for your loss . This is heartbreaking. Sending you so much strength. It is so cruel especially after ivf.
It is also very challenging when people close to you are pregnant whilst you’re suffering the pain of losing your baby. It’s just a case of taking each day at a time & to know that any feelings you have regarding your friends pregnancy are completely normal. You just need to be kind to yourself & take time to grieve.
I’m so so sorry to read this. I had a miscarriage but at just over 6 weeks and things didn’t look good from the start so I was thankfully prepared which I feel long term made it easier.
It’s something that still bothered me every day for 3 months after, none of our family knew so I didn’t have people asking me about it. I did feel a massive loss inside of me.
Be kind to yourself, treat yourself, give yourself time. Cry and cry if you need to, there are helplines to help with grief, use them if needed. Don’t feel alone through it.
When you are ready focus on your next plan, whether it’s further treatments???? I have to say a year after my miscarriage, at the exact same dates I was successfully pregnant after IVF. A year can change a lot, a few months can so give yourself time xx
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Just knowing I’m not alone in this has eased things slightly. Off for my medical intervention tomorrow as it was at least a weeks wait for d and c. Hoping once that’s all over il start to feel a little more like myself x
Just popped on here briefly for first time in a couple weeks and saw your post, didn't feel right to just log off without replying. I am currently going through the grieving and recovery process following my MMC in December, I had medical management too. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, hope all goes to plan and you have plenty of care and support around you.
My advice is... don't expect to be up and about as normal straight away. Be super kind to yourself and actually for once you should be selfish as you are the most important person right now and accept help. It has hit me super hard, way more than I imagined both to recover physically but then also mentally. If you are offered counselling then take it, even if you don't feel you need it right now as it doesn't hurt. Xx
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